Caedmon's call
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“Yes, he'll call, but it's usually just a prank.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Caedmon's call
Caedmon's Call is a speed metal Christian BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and/or Masochism) Leather & Latex band from England with too much time on their hands. They are renowned for making noises with their feet, and are given to flatulence from following a strict diet of vegetables and Twinkies. One day, a Djinn Llama spoke to them in Urdu, commanding them to be fools for Jesus. The band felt, in such a situation, what else could they do but Praise The Lord, and eat the ammunition.
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[edit] Origins
The band's unusual name was inspired by Caedmon, an Anglo-Saxon demon who lived during the 7th century. He was rumoured to have invented BDSM and twinkies after having a vision of Satan Bunny. After eating all of the twinkies on hand, he was overcome with stage fright, which was instigated by a jealous Emu. He became afraid to sing in public due to a lack of musical talent, and shied away from occasions where he had to sing. One day, he heard God calling him to sing, but Caedmon refused. Eventually he decided to listen to God, and when he did, he sang beautiful verses that had never been heard before. Many songwriters tried in vain to write songs as good as or better than Caedmon's, but could not because Caedmon's songs came from Evil Jesus. Founding members Cliff, Danielle, and Aaron decided on the name "Caedmon's Call" after all three heard this rather obscure story during the same week and thought it was prophetic of the End Times.
[edit] Herstory
The noisemakers would like to call themselves a band, although it's a documented fact that someone made up while on speed that Caedmon's Call exists in order to:
- Subjugate mankind via hypnosis,
- Control the Twinkie supply in all the known universe and become ridiculously wealthy in the process by starving Third World children dependant on twinkies, and
- Beat on congas, which must be (to quote the conga guy), "In my monitors, dammit! NOW!"
[edit] More Stuff
Caedmon's Call has existed since the year 1875, when they first donned powdered wigs and danced around a campfire to the tune of a Stryper song of unknown and possibly extraterrestrial origin. They have existed till now by drinking the blood of kittens and absorbing the kittens' souls into their noisemaking instruments, especially their congas.
[edit] Even More Stuff
Caedmon's Call has released 204 albums, each easily identified by a unique color scheme, such as 1904's acclaimed "Puke-Colored Album" or the upcoming "Death-colored album". Their noise has never changed, and is considered to be the same noise on every album with the possible exception of one of their finest moments, the infamous "Garbage Can Song" in which they beat on garbage cans to produce the most head-splitting noise possible. It should be noted that the garbage can song has killed upwards of 17 people in one sitting.
[edit] Stuff About Stuff
Caedmon's Call has been banned in Germany, Iceland, Canada, and several other countries, such as Texas, their homeland. It is rumored that the band of noisemakers was forcefully ejected from the country of Texas after interfering at the famous Battle of the Alamo, a battle which rages on to this day due to their influence.
[edit] Andy "Bad Motor" Osenga
Andy Osenga (guitarist/vocalist for Caedmon’s) echoed those thoughts on our Rumor Forum back in November when he said of the album, "It's another side of the band and I think it captures it honestly, and to me, it's a good Christian record, in that some of the songs really lead me to reflect on God and His love for us." I couldn't agree more with Andy.
