Cake/Biscuit Uncertainity Principle
The Cake/Biscuit Uncertainity Principle was devised by the celebrated mathematician and pacifist Vladimir Putin and his team of nameless scientific assistants as the solution to the age old problem of whether a substance was a biscuit, cake or other.
The debate had been hampering the development of humanity for centuries with many vicious wars fought over the issue. Even the mighty United Nations could not stop the mad cycle of destruction when it attempted to deal with the problem through the United Nations Cake and Biscuit Regulation Authority.
The result of their noble work was that the Cake/Biscuit Uncertainity Principle and that they all became hideously obese.
The Actual Principles
The principle is in essence a statement that if any substance is either biscuit or cake and attempting to discover whether a substance is biscuit or cake inevitable affects the substance then you can never actually be certain of which it is in its natural state. If you cannot be certain of what a substance is then you cannot also be sure of its existence since discovering whether or not it exists affects its existence. Consequently every piece of matter in the universe is somewhere between biscuit and cake but doesn't exist.