Call of Duty 2
“Oscar Wilde playing Call Of Duty”
“You guys are such noobs!!1!1 Come play in 1.3 with punkbuster you haxxzorss”
“.rcon login unoriginalpassword, Uh oh quick someone hack into the server!!”
“Everyone spam voice commands (v-2-1...) Enemy Spotted!”
“Could you vert anymore??(Continous prone and crouching)”
Call of Duty 2 is an advanced weapon training system designed to train advanced people to use 1940s era weapon systems, commonly known as guns or firearms. Oh yes, Mr T WOULD play it. However, the computers we have today were not around at that time, so the fad died very quickly, and only lasted a few years. This period was known as World War Two.
no one knows this but it was origionaly called "Cock of Doody!"
The world war two computers were much much more advanced then ours today. The games were much more realistic, in fact they were as realistic as the real world. The designers of the game were coincidentally a Jewish gaming company called Dradleware INC. They produced dradles for centuries, but they decided they needed a new product which literally smacked (or shot) you in the mouth. After several minutes of doing nothing they came up with an excellent gaming system. It was then distributed around the world. One of the primary customers was The Third Reich who bought over two million copies of the game. Despite their incredibly large amount of soldiers, they kept losing. Hitler was enraged about this, and decided to secretly put something in the next release of the game that actually kills or hurts you physically. This was codenamed patch 1.8, and still is yet to be released on a modern system. This was immediately downloaded by all the players, and inevitably world war two begun, and lots of people died.
Offcourse you have the flame thingy, uuhmm.... FLAMETHROWER!http://blog.lib.umn.edu/boley011/architecture/flamethrower.jpg You can set guys on fire with it.
And always be the Germans. Because they say: Schweinhund, lick mein Kund, das ist pas gezund!!!!
so, you have weapons, and knifes, and shit, so shoot those fucking yankees brains out!!
Captain price gets owned.
You begin the campaign as a young, untrained Yakov Smirnoff. You have to spend the first few weeks shooting teddy bears with your Mosin-Nagant, and throwing potatoes into bathtubs. Then you get to sit and watch a helpless german prisoner get the abosolute crap beaten out of him by a friendly russian comrade. You are given the oppurtunity to shoot him, however Activision decided to discipline this kind of inhumane action of shooting a prisoner with the common black screen fade and a relevant message. You will encounter a similar event if you even lay a hand on any of your teammates. The rest of the game is very very VERY similar to this, only you have different weapons and people actually shoot back at you. Occasionally, you will encounter armoured vehicles, and your gun and grenades alone won't save you, you need something more. Namely you need to run up to it and press F, as this will immideatley put a magic explosive charge on it, which will explode after a few seconds, destroying the vehicle. The final level involves crossing a river, which is the hardest part, as 95% of the time your boat will be randomly shot by one of the germans Flak-88s (Big cannon). Once youre over there, you just rinse and repeat the above method of shooting germans. Eventually you take control of the town, and this somehow wins the war. You can then enjoy your award for finishing the game, the credits.
Weapons in Call of Doody 2
- M1 Garand - Good for shooting and hitting people. Overpowered weapon, but balances with a reloading system that forces the player to show their spot on the radar.
- M1 Carbine - Good for shooting and hitting people without doing any damage.
- Thompson - Good for trying to shoot a lot of people in quick succession but missing all the time.
- Springfield - Good for shooting one person with a scope before being shot while reloading: crappy.
- M3 Grease Gun - Good for cooking, not for shooting people:ok.
- BAR - Good for breaking your nose if aiming down the sights..
- Trench gun - Shotgun. Nothing more needs to be said. Only unskilled players must stoop to using this gay ass weapon.
- Colt - Good for shooting people with sniper rifles at close range. Not good for listening to though. It makes a sound similar to that of ones bladder bursting.
- Gun - Sometimes it kills people, but if you aim somewhere else, they won't die
- Grenade- Makes the player appear as they are moving slower, or temporarily high, with a high pitch squeling noise and images of binary digits for players with low graphic cards.
- American: Springfield (aka that sniper that makes an annoying sound similar to 'pewpew'), M1 Carbine, M1 Garand.
- British: Lee Enfield (Best B/A rifle in the world)
- German: Gewehr 43 , kar98k (bash range of 6 inches)
- Russian: Tokarev SVT-40 (one of the more useful of the shotgun series, Mosin-Nagant (aka 6 feet-extendo-arm-bash rifle with the power of a shotgun shell packed into one small bullet)
Submachine & Machine Guns
- American: Thompson(greatest gun ever made), M3 "Grease Gun", BAR (aka great range, bad reload)
- British: Sten (looks,shoots,and bashes...wait. HOW IN FUCK do you think a twisted piece of metal can kill a german?!!! It's like a metal condom, only its dangerous.), Bren (known to have bash that last 15 seconds and the power of a baby elephant)
- German: MP40 (rush gun), MP44 (the gun that gives you the ability to kill 15 Nazis/Americans/Soviets/English people with 1 clip, 2 clips if you are a bad shot.)
- Russian: PPSh-41, PPs-42(has horns for sights, which makes your bash more powerful.)
- American: Winchester M1897 Trench Gun (can cause hearing loss if volume is up high enough), .30 cal mg (makes a sound like pots and pans)
- German: MG42 (mounted noob cannon with the recoil of a minigun), Panzershreck (portable flak 88 with 10 meters range), Flak 88 (Has the power of 25 MG42s but the recoil of a carbine)
- American: Colt .45 (has longer bash than kar98 for some odd and unrealistic reason)
- British: Webley (the GREATEST gun EVER made.... not. In fact its quite shitty)
- German: Luger (accuracy of a blind man peeing in a toilet)
- Russian: TT-30 (aka colt with one more bullet)
Grenades(thrown away after pin is pulled out, unless ur going kamikaze)
- American: Mk.2 'Pineapple' Grenade (shaped like pineapple and explodes with vitamins. Mabye not so good for your health actually...)
- British: No. 36 Mills Grenade (see american nade)
- German: Mod.24 Stielhandgranate (shaped like a women's play toy. very destructive) (note: it has writting on the side- if anyone ever finds out wtf it says, post it here. i have been trying for a year and a half. It says "Vor gebrauch sprungkapzeln einzeitzen", or more simply, its an explosive manual. FYI it means "before use pull pin to make explode" For idiot conscrpts )
- Russian: RGD-33 Grenade (useless, unless if you want to blow up some ppl, (mostly germans, or teammates)
- Smoke grenades (cause lag and fps problems, forcing players in server to complain and bitch to you and or possibly kick you from server for being so freakin retarded, even though they're hacking the shit out of it at the same time.)
- (White) Sticky Grenade: How did it get sticky you wonder!!! Great for taking out doumb ass tahnk drivers in multiplayer.
Enemies in Call of Dutyy 2
- German - These grey cloaked fellows are generally an unfriendly unruly mob. You wont be able to talk to them or trade with them, as the only thing you will get from them is bullets travelling at high velocities. Which will usually hit and hurt your character. They can be easily defeated by holding left mouse button, centering them in your screen and clicking right mouse button, which will send a bullet his way. If it hits, hes gone. Well actually they usually require 5 to 6 hits on any difficulty.
- Teammate - These are usually not enemies, but are still fun to shoot, as some may not give you the "Friendly fire will not be tolerated" message, resulting in more kills for you, and more bullets not gone to waste. It's also 1337 to throw a grenade into your own spawn and watch the flood of text coming to your screen, that of which usually include "wtf n00b!!1111
- Halftrack - These things are large, metal, and apparently are half a track. The fulltrack will probably be seen in Call Of Doody 3 (oh wait, Call Of Doody3 WAS CoD2). Anyhow, these things actually dont do anything, but must be destroyed anyway. You can acquire a panzerfaust or a panzerschrek and take these things down.
- Air - Air is there for one thing, and that is to shoot it. Users must be aware that air doesn't shoot back nor give you a kill, but must be shot on site. Players known as 'n00bs' in multiplayer are particularly good at shooting air
- Tank - The king of the jungle. Tanks will shoot anything that moves, so the only thing you can do is not move. Wait for them to come to you, then when they least expect it, shoot them with one of the two anti-halftrack weapons.
- Silhouette Rabbits - These invisible enemies are perhaps the most annoying thing in the whole game. You know those thousands of times where you just die for no reason, and youre sure those one thousand bullets flying towards you would have missed, its the rabbits that kill you. They lurk around the battlefield, waiting for the oppurtune moment to strike. They are only visible during a Solar Eclipse.
- Gangsters - Gangsters wear fancy uniforms and carry tommyguns. VERY dangerous!!! They will rape you, so be careful of your ass.
- Bush: He is like GOD (not really) that can kill evryone or make your game crash, he is like a weapon of mass destruction. Do not carry oil close to him, he will invade your country.
- Your Mom: she is coming to get you. Nuff said.
The next Call of Duty game was actually (contrary to popular belief) not Call of Duty 3, but was Call of Duty: Serbian Warfare. You play a brave, young, female politician codenamed "Hillary Clinton" and you must avoid intense sniper fire in order to meet with important UN officials. The game was developed by Hillary Clinton's speech writer but received poor reviews mainly due to its ugly characters and gameplay devoid of actual snipers.