Camp Fuck You Die/Current Campers

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Current Campers[edit]


Ari would probably be better off dead, but that'd be far too easy on him. He's the emo kid everyone is always telling to cheer up. Would be the end all of pathetic if it wasn't for the fact that he regularly indulges in Snarky Bitch Days. Often can be found with Ash and Al, forming the A Team.

Ash Ketchum[edit]

Ash Ketchum is a Pokémon trainer. Words really can't describe him, unless they're sparkly and covered in cheese. He's often in some state of undress. Never accept any dairy products from him.

Actually, never accept anything edible from him. You're much better off not knowing why.

Also: He's not a puppy.

Edit: I AM NOT Ash is NOT a puppy darn you. *SHAKESFIST*

Edit again: Havoc disagrees with the previous edit.

Edit Edit: Havoc's opinion is null and void. NOTAPUPPY.

Even more editing!: LIEZ.

Athrun Zala[edit]

Athrun Zala is a wangsty giant robot pilot who is currently sentenced to death for being a loser on a top-secret reconnaissance mission in Camp Fuck You Die. His angst has the occasional ability of congealing into a solid mass which is capable of growing tentacles. When not trying to drown himself in the lake in his misery, Athrun enjoys angsting, tinkering with machines, being in denial and wangsting. Let's not forget, he likes to go to Anakin Skywalker for comfort.

Bart Allen/Impulse[edit]

Bart Allen a.k.a. Impulse is a three year old in a fourteen year old's body with the attention span of a hyperactive butterfly. He can travel at superspeeds and is an advocate of superheroing even while at camp. Also holds the world's largest repository of video games which he keeps in hammerspace or somewhere past the fourth wall he keeps breaking.

Buffy Summers[edit]

Buffy really just wants everyone to stop being retarded and trying to kill each other. She'd also like a pony. [EDIT]: Bart would like to add she likes Kon more than ponies. Ha. [wtf Bart]: ...Yeah, but she already has Kon. She doesn't have a pony D: She also fails at alphabetical order, but only because of her not-so-sekrit desire to be closer to Bart. unf baby.

Cher Horowitz[edit]

Cher doesn't get it.

Da Qiao[edit]

How many people from Ancient China are there, anyway? Da Qiao is the wife of Sun Ce, conqueror extraordinaire. Currently the only female in camp to know that there ain't anything "little" about his "little conqueror", but a lady never tells! Has the annoying tendency to befriend villains and then defend them because "there's some good in them".

Elphaba Thropp[edit]

Elphaba is camp's resident green witch, better known as the Wicked Witch of the West. She avoids the lake and the onsen, will take care of any animal that crosses her path (provided it's not trying to do anything... strange...), and is not often cheerful. Oh, and she blames herself for everything. Seriously. ...Except for the things that are Riddle's fault. Leader of Shinigami Division #WTF.

The Elric brothers[edit]

Alphonse Elric is a real boy and is quite skilled at dodging the truth and being a hug ninja. Edward Elric is about six inches tall and likes to yell at people and make out with sadistic wizards like Voldemort (Who is really Roy Mustang in disguise.). Winry Rockbell would like to say that the next person who edits this to say they're incestuous is going to get a wrench lodged up their snatch. If you don't have one? She'll make one. Oh, snap.

that bitch.

"OW! you little fucki-OW!"


Oh my God! my dick's gone what the fuck!


Excel was born to the last true Citra, Krystalmeth Syryndypyty Sue, and a Mazoku named Triggrypuff. She is secretly the reincarnation of Althena, and her hair is the color of the first ray of sunlight on a clear summer morning as reflected in the mane of a baby unicorn. She grew up in Solaris, where she was trained to be a killing machine. This is where she met and eventually ran away with Lord Il Palazzo, who was currently the President of the United States. Taishi Kubonhutsu is their lovechild from the future.

Flay Allster[edit]

Forgot her meds at home.

Fujiwara no Sai[edit]

Fujiwara no Sai walked into a lake and drowned over a thousand years ago. Because of Go. He spent the time since then haunting his Go board and obsessing over the game. When he's not haunting his board he haunts pre-teen boys and Heroes. And he loves them all dearly. He now lives in Boys' Cabin 5 as Rosalyn's pet ghost and is the newest member of Stan's harem.

Gan Ning[edit]

Gan Ning is a pirate from ancient China. Not only is he a pirate, but he's also probably the sexiest pirate alive, and he'll gladly eliminate toe competition to prove so. Despite his bravado, he has yet to land a lady-type. He is perhaps best known for briefly fermenting and distributing zombie blood wine and also illegally downloading music. In addition, he is totally better than Gongji at everything.

"Everything" obviously doesn't include spelling. "Toe competition", Xingba?

Shut up, twerp. My INT stat's higher than yours.

George Lass[edit]

George is eighteen and she's dead. She was killed when a toiletseat fell out of space and squished her like a bug. After dying, she was drafted into the ranks of the Grim Reapers, but since she sucked at it, she was sent to Camp Fuck You Die as punishment. She's not exactly nice, but Camp is starting to grow on her, more's the pity.

Hanajima Saki[edit]

Hanajima can see your waves. She advises you to stay away from toucans that look like they might force you to be a lawyer in a bizarre zombie trial.

Hanasaki Momoko[edit]

Hanasaki Momoko is a thirteen year old magical girl who can transform into the Love Angel Wedding Peach. When she is not running around trying to encourage the other campers through whatever angst (or encounters with the tentacle monster in the lake) they may be experiencing, she can be found having improbable crushes on ancient Chinese warriors, Jedi, and random giant robot pilots. The most recent object of her affection is Jiang Wei of Shu has left camp, causing her ridiculous amounts of emo. Not that she can apparently have a relationship any other way, as her current hopeless pining over Rikuou proves although she apparently likes strike-tags.

Except that Yousuke kinda likes to prove her wrong all the time. Yeah.

Hasegawa Chisame[edit]

Chisame makes up another 1/3 of CFUD's Fag Hag Trio. Lives in a (marginally) boys' cabin and can usually be found lusting obsessively for men she can never have except for those two kisses that one ti--I mean, canoodling with her loving girlfriend and being honeymoon-cute. Yeah. That's the ticket. o woe Mello and Near Also does a damn good bunnygirl when the mood strikes her, although not in the sense Chizuru wishes she would. Unless they're Lunamaria Hawke.

Heather Morris[edit]

Heather, after all the time she spent wandering around Silent Hill, is pretty blase about the whole zombie camp thing. She's one of the most rational campers, which means that she has absolutely no qualms about using human guinea pigs to test any foods or bizarre items she comes across. She's been dating Kabuto since roughly two seconds after meeting him. She also has a pipe fetish.

Homechat Gamer[edit]

Homechat Gamer is pretty much the only one who can survive without any offense. Actually, all he needs is an Atari Shield. He likes video games. A lot. He even reads novels and watches movies based on video games. He follows the most important rule: If you can survive, you can escape. Also, he is one of the few campers who aren't anime.

Huang Yue Ying[edit]

Huang Yue Ying is the wife of deceased Prime Minister of Shu, Zhuge Liang. She is the resident castration-terrorist unofficial mother figure of Camp Fuck You Die, and does her best to make sure the campers are educated, healthy, and clean. She takes an unhealthy interest in robots. Turn-ons include long walks through the jungle, wreaking havoc on Wei, handcuffs, and war machines. Turn-offs include idiots, enemy generals, and generals that bite. Enjoys spreading Shu-Han propaganda. Currently threesomeing it up with Raito and L - good for her! No longer threesomeing with anyone. :(


Hyatt is liable to cough up blood all over your shirt at any time and offer you medicine which you really shouldn't take. Sometimes she dies a bit. Other than that, she's very polite and sane for an ACROSS member (not that that's saying much. Or anything at all, really). Also, although she is a very good cook, you should probably not eat what she makes, because you never know when she's spiked it with medication to make it spicier.


Hyde totally cares about your personal problems. As long as he has popcorn and a lawnchair so he can be properly entertained. Currently catching up on missing twenty-nine years of pop culture. Which, unfortunately, means enduring hair metal. Godspeed, Hyde.

Hyuuga Neji[edit]

Is probably having AU sex right now.


Orange's just trying to find an excuse to be vain.

Janine Kishi[edit]

There's finally someone from the Baby-sitters Club in camp, and it's JANINE?

Kon-El (Superboy)[edit]

Superboy, known more casually as Kon, was born to be a superhero, fighting for Truth, Justice, the American Way, Pepperoni Pizza, and Miniskirts. He can repel bullets, fly at super-speed, or pick up an 18-wheeler, but he still can't pick up a girl. Fortunately, he still has for company his teammates, his friends, and his tentacle baby Kal.

Kon's girlfriend would like to dispute his inability to pick up a girl.

Kon would like to remind the previous editor about just who did the picking up of who.

The previous editor would argue that Kon started it and even with Slayer-strength Kon is probably too heavy for her to lift.

I wonder how much his girl weighs...

Kusajishi Yachiru[edit]

Yachiru still wants to eat Soylent Green cookies, but is too busy chewing on her gay uncles to bother.


Lady is the resident demon-hag. It's like a fag-hag, but... well, you get the point. She is also incapable of expressing emotions without the aid of guns. She enjoys guns, killing things and fucking with Snake's head.

Ling Tong (Gongji)[edit]

Ling Tong, also known as Gongji or "That crazy fucker that killed me," is yet another Chinese warrior from the same time as Lu Xun. He is best known for his sarcastic, biting wit, having bizarre icons (although not as bizarre as Chisame's), having really terrible luck, fighting with Xingba, pwning everyone's asses at CFUW except, oddly enough, Ash Ketchum - RIVAL!, and masturbating. Also holds the camp record for 'most kills in a single night, camper division' and is the jealous boyfriend of Otomiya Haine - and would like those two things considered in tandem. :) Did we mention the masturbating?


Edit ^2: You know you love it.

Edit 3: WE do, and we know that YOU do, but are too sarede to admit it.

edit: Haha very funny.

Ling Tong: I would like to announce that all you people...are morons. I am a warrior and I hate wasting my time on people who are complete ameteurs and being bothered by such nuisances. I am oh-so pleased that you were brave enough to say something about me that is entirely just a speculation of your brain that is in fact big, but an empty hollow head. Just to say that this insult was my pleasure and thank you as you continue on with your most miserable lives.

Edit ^4: Will the real Ling Tong please stand up? Vandalism? HELL YEAH! I HAVE ARRIVED!

Luna Lovegood[edit]

Luna is a witch. Currently lives in the Mess hall because, well, why not? Can't really see what all the fuss about the undead is, because Zombies are running the government anyway.

Lu Xun (Boyan)[edit]

Lu Xun is an ancient Chinese swordsman who once again turns into a girl when he comes in contact with cold water. Prone to bouts of emo, especially when it's time for his quarterly performance review. After all, if he doesn't get a good review this time around, he can kiss that raise and year-end bonus good-bye. Likes fire.

Madarame Ikkaku[edit]

Ikkaku is the bald guy. Tell him that and he flips out sort of like a ninja, but he says he's better than ninjas and probably is not lying. SECOND STRONGEST MAN IN THE DIVISON. UNF, BABY.

Also, he is straight. Eyeshadow and really nice eyebrows aside. Don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. STRAIGHT LIKE A STRAIGHT THING.

EDIT: If a girl makes a decent impression, he is her bitch. Canon example: Inoue Orihime.

EDIT: Die.

EDIT: No decent impression needed. For all we know, Yumichika and Ikkaku met in a dark, damp alleyway. But, as interesting a story as that could be, I shouldn't type that stuff on school computers.

EDIT: ...

EDIT: *I*, on the other hand, am at home and have no problem saying Yumichika and Ikkaku are like an old married couple. That likes swords and running around in black robes. Yeah.

EDIT: "STRAIGHT LIKE A STRAIGHT THING," huh? Well in my opinion he is as straight as a circle.


Obi-Wan Kenobi[edit]

Obi-Wan is an amazing nanny. He is also 21, most of the time.

EDIT: And he is hot.

ETA: Obi-Wan would like to point out that he is dotting at the edit above this one.

Edit: Oh, good. You're hot when you dot.

ETA: His Real weapon is his " Wank-yuu hypersexualicentiousize mega sperm blade of Ghandharva land"

Oscar M. Himejima[edit]

Oscar is not Ayame's clone. Nor is Ayame his. Has a penchant for sparkling, pretty things, and has a slight obsession with the hygiene in camp. Despite being an accomplished actor, has refrained from typing out a long monologue about his wonderful feats. Gets to voice-sex Excel. (Lupin says: FLOUNCEY!) (EDIT: Oscar would like to add that he refuses to be called as such.)(EDIT: Lupin would like to add he doesn't care! Ha!)(EDIT: Oscar would like to say you suck, Lupin.)


Pallapalla enjoys talking in third person, attacking other campers without warning, and playing with dolls.

Rey Za Burrel[edit]

Rey Za Burrel is a slightly homicidal *totally harmless!* clone who resembles Barbie. He likes puppies, the Time Warp, playing the piano, and dark, evil older men with plans to subjugate or destroy humanity.


Is husband to Kon, father to Impulse.

Edit: Also the boyfriend of Batman

Rock Lee[edit]

Rock Lee is a sixteen-year-old ninja who enjoys spandex, exclamation points, and disturbing the peace. Lee's favorite and only student is Ash Ketchum, who he often encourages to play with sharp objects and sparkle. A confirmed Sakurasexual (a rare form of sexual deviant who is monogamous to the point of insanity) until he gets drunk and tries have sex with your family/Great Sage/sheep/all of the above. It was recently discovered that Lee's soul is a pink waterwang. Despite this, Lee remains one of the straightest males in camp.


Rosalyn is an classified Hero who's probably going to get killed very soon presumably got killed after attempting to follow through with her intent to find and defeat the Camp Director... and then inexplicably came back. Sort of. Editor is wondering what Stan's doing with the pink parasol he found. Another editor would like to mention that Stan gave the parasol to Rosalyn when that stupid pink twit washbowl woman got her other one damaged.

Russel Tringham[edit]

Thinks he's Edward. Somehow he's dating pop idol Meer Campbell. No one's quite sure how, but good for him! In his spare time, Russel gropes plants and starts snark wars against unarmed opponents.

Shinn Asuka[edit]

Has no idea what is going on with Lu Xun. He is totally devoted to his Stellar. Um, totally. All those times he hasn't been don't count. Rumor has it that he is afflicted with genetically-modified scabies. And is the poster child for 'Bipolar Pilots Who Orgasm From Explosions.'

The Sohma family[edit]

The Sohma family are a bunch of incestuous sexual deviants, except for Sohma Kyou and Sohma Yuki who managed to crush on an unsuspecting girl that was looking to steal some Zodiac figurines. The Head of the Family is not happy about this, but is unable to do anything about it until the fangirls stop arguing about his or her true gender. Sohma family members currently at camp include Ayame, Hatsuharu, Momiji, Ritsu, and Rin.

Son Goku[edit]

Is really just there to bitch at Stan and be pwned by Sanzo's fan. And occasionally go crazy and rip off some fake arms. D:

Son Goku[edit]

Eats goats and currently lives in a treehouse near Toucan Mafia Central. Tends to induce childhood flashbacks and is just waiting for an excuse to feel you up.

Stanley Hihat Trinidad XIV, aka "Evil King Stan"[edit]

Stan is going to conquer the world. Beware. Or he would, if he weren't so incompetent.


Has sane hair and wears clothing.

Sun Ce[edit]

The ruler of the lands of Wu. He would like to brag point out that he and Da Qiao are the only married canon couple in camp. He can crush a variety of things in his armpit - everything from beer cans to your head. Also Lu Xun's father-in-law, way to go Dynasty Warriors Timewarp.

Terry Bogard[edit]

Enjoys throwing his trademark cap at people and yelling out "OHHHKAAAHHYYY!!".

Tsukiyono Omi[edit]

Despite his utter gayness, terrible fashion sense, incest issues, sexual habits, denial, general nosiness, bad animation and plot holes that will suck your soul, Hatsuharu still hangs out with him.

Uchiha Itachi[edit]

Sasuke's brother. Hyuuga Neji's seme. Bakes really tasty cookies. Is totally whipped.

Uchiha Sasuke[edit]

Uchiha Sasuke is a gay ninja. If you mention his undying love for Uzumaki Naruto or Uchiha Itachi in his presence, he may totally flip out and kill you (as ninja are wont to do), but this is unlikely, as he will probably be too busy having angst, which is mainly caused by severe sexual frustration.

Uchiha Sasuke would like to announce:[edit]


=Jacob Ballantyne[edit]

Jacob is a a complete freak. He loves to dress up as a carpet run up to people and pull one hair out of peoples head, then run off into the sunset giggling. Often refered to as the Gay lord of all the gays, Jacob is actually quite the oppsite and love's getting blow jobs off his sister (by sister i mean Girlfriend....obviously) although his friend does also blow him but not as good as his girlfriend and is also looser than her so he is less fun to get analed. Jacob has recently been diagnosed with terminal breast cancer in his Colan and Eye, and has 3 days to live.YAY

Continuing on with the theme, he has another announcement:





See the Giant Font of Truth?

Uchiha Sasuke: A Psychological Profile by Freud - Part I

Uchiha Sasuke is without a doubt suffering from barely repressed homosexual tendencies and seems to become extremely agitated whenever his older brother, Itachi, is mentioned. One recurring statement that Sasuke (which if you let it roll off the tongue without thinking about it sounds like "sas-gay", an irony indeed) makes is that he was always staring at his brother's behind whenever Itachi walked away from him. It seems that Itachi was the preferred rent-boy of the Uchiha Clan due to his phenomenal sexual prowess and ability to use his Sharingan to copy sexual techniques, even from seedy hentai series such as LA Blue Girl. This, combined with Sasuke's frustration at not being able to use his Sharingan (or his penis), drove him into a depressive incestuous funk that he dealt with by trying to catch up with him. He attempted to learn to perform the Katon: Gokakkyu-no-jutsu flame technique that the Uchiha Clan specialised in, but with no pubic hairs to help fuel the blaze was unable to perform it as well as Itachi, whose proficiency with it was so high he used it to remove all his body hair with no adverse effects. Little did Sasuke know that Itachi was deeply bitter about being used as a fuck toy by all the men in the village and one dark night when the moon was full used his new found power of the Manloveyou Sharingan to rape everyone in the Uchiha clan to death.

When little Sasuke ran home later that night he found his parents' slumped on the floor with their asses exploded, seemingly from severe overdose of anal rape. When the culprit stepped out of the shadows it was none other than his own brother Itachi, who admitted to Sasuke that he had obtained the power of the Manloveyou Sharingan only by raping his best friend, Uchiha Shisui, to death. Itachi then used one of the techniques available only to Manloveyou Sharingan users, the Tsuckmeoffi, a genjutsu that allowed Itachi into the mind of the victim and allowed him to rape them in the ass for up to three days straight. After a mere few seconds in this strange world of illusory penetration Sasuke told me he broke down and said now he knew how goatse felt. When he asked Itachi why he would do such horrific things he merely replied "I wanted to test the limits of my penis". Or something like that, Sasuke was very distraught at this point and sunk into a deep state of emo depression. Part II coming later.

Data Collection Experts -Revision- [subject: Uchiha Sasuke][edit]

The above comment by Uchiha Sasuke is in fact true (if only because sex is prohibited at Camp Fuck You Die); he is not having any sexual relations at the moment. However, research suggests that he would like to be having them with Uzumaki Naruto. And possibly Itachi, too, but Itachi is too busy AU-sexx0ring Neji to care.

Urameshi Yuusuke[edit]

Urameshi Yuusuke is wounded somewhere on his body at all times. He is aware he is a shounen retard, thanks, and would like you to stop using stupid over-four-syllable words and just show him what you're made of. He is also a demon, but doesn't eat babies. That's Hiei. He swears. SHUT UP, Kurama.

Wesley Crusher[edit]

Wes is a 15 16 17 year old nerd boy who could avoid most problems with other campers if he knew when to shut up. He's so nice that you get sick of it sometimes, and has a horrible sense of fashion. Once in a month he turns into a werebunny . Currently emoing because Anne left.

Wolfram von Bielefeld[edit]

Wolfram von Bielefeld is loud, bratty, spoiled, and would be far more emo than he already is except he's from Kyou Kara Maou and not Gundam SEED. He's slowing learning the ways of those stupid humans, but in no way is it happening quickly; he would especially like being told why he's Pussy Galore(i mean seriously) and what in the world a Godzilla is,yet he is safe and if he reads this he is going burn us all. For your own safety, do not in any way associate with Shibuya Yuuri. Really. It's safer that way. Don't mention getting any around him either, or his mighty jealousy and sexual frustration will turn your face purple.

Yakushi Kabuto[edit]

Yakushi Kabuto was the/a camp medic until people who are supposedly getting paid for what he was doing showed up. He still, somehow, ends up treating miscellaneous gunshot wounds, treating curse victims (again) and making various medicines that other campers need to stay alive. Victim of two attacks for his vital organs; has survived one. Tries to look special by alphabetizing Moonlights as a Ghey Eskimo.

Clap your hands if you believe in Kabuto.

Yanagi Renji[edit]

Yanagi Renji is another tennis player from Rikkai. He enjoys literature and likes to be called Master in and out of bed. He's also the one you want to blame for Inui's unhealthy fixation with data, but he won't complain if you call it Riddle's fault. Has developed lactose intolerance since he overdosed on Ash!juice and died once at the hands of creepy blue men.

Yzak Jule[edit]

Yzak is a Commander of ZAFT, with a short temper and a bitchy attitude. One could say he suffers the male equivalent of PMS 24 hours a day. He's in a "their love is so verbally abusive" relationship with Dearka Elthman, and his BFF is Sakura, who he recently fought the giant waterwang with. Yzak may look like his mother, but he can top when he wants, really. And if you try and say he is a stereotypical uke, he'll murder you.

He is also a bunny.

Dearka would have his own entry too but since Dearka is merely a gay BFF of Yzak he's not important. And he's a retard but Yzak loves him anyway. <3 Gabriel Celestial

He might stick you with, or he might not. He can be found on penisland or distorted realm room 69, which is also his favorite number. Oh, he's coming to getcha! He is also a pedafile. He lives with his brothers alfred. doug, michael, brian, doucheon, and his mother gertrude. Celestial family assemble!!!