Camp Fuck You Die/Native creatures

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

Fabio[edit]

A snarky, wish-granting, rainbow, sparkling Gundam plushie that resides in a tiny cave in the mountains. Only known sightings of this creature were by Yzak and Dearka, in which they wished for... a sandwich, and for it to go the hell away. (guess who wished for what) Fabio will insult your shit and bust a cap in your ass if you get too smart with him.

Gorillas[edit]

Will rape campers late for breakfast (which is at 5am). Will also rape any campers who attempt entering the cabins of the opposite sex Don't really seem to mind campers entering cabins of the opposite sex anymore. Often come out of fucking nowhere.

Hormonal Goats[edit]

They are known to attack and/or attempt to hump campers in possession of banned items. Stay away from them.

Kal[edit]

Kal is the parasitic tentacle monster that resided in Kon-El for six weeks before chewing his way onto the camp scene. Kal communicates only with emoticons and has an overwhelming biological imperative to eat his mommy, Kon.

Kal is currently toying with the affections of two other tentacle pets, Tentacruel and Chie-tako, and casting doubts as to 'his' actual gender.

Land Whale[edit]

A whale that lives on the land and patrols the area near the barrier. In the past it's eaten at least one person who's gotten too close to it.

Laptops[edit]

Many, if not all, of the laptops assigned to the campers are sentient, and delight in tormenting their owners. How they do so varies from computer to computer, but the most common variation involves posting porn about their user and making comments about that user's lovelife.

Ling Cao[edit]

Ling Cao is Ling Tong's deceased father, who was slain by Gan Ning many years ago. When Gan Ning's laptop was possessed by the spirit of every man he had ever killed, Ling Cao's was one of the more dominant personalities. Because Gan Ning and Ling Tong are now friends, Gan Ning keeps Ling Cao (who seems not to hold a grudge) on his computer so that Ling Tong can interact with his father on occasion. He occasionally manifests into a physical form, but this is rare and it drains the battery life.

Mermaids[edit]

Live in the lake. They'll try to eat people who swim into them.

Moogles[edit]

Talk to them frequently- they'll save your game for you and bring you back if you die. Which happens more frequently than you'd like it to, really. You'll probably come back anyway even if you don't talk to them, but it's quicker and easier if you've saved your game and also you won't have to do all your battles and quests and whatnot over again.

Non-were Bunnies[edit]

There have been many bunnies spotted at camp over the months. Some are green, some live in nests made out of human bones, some look totally normal, but there's one thing they all have in common. They're evil through and through. If you see a bunny, run. Otherwise you're just asking for trouble.

Penguinja[edit]

There are no Penguinja at Camp Fuck You Die.

EDIT: Except the ones that captured Athrun Zala once.

Polar Bears[edit]

Only one's been seen so far, but there may be other house-sized polar bears wandering around in the woods. The meat from one bear will keep the camp fed for quite some time.

Psychic Toucans[edit]

They can sense your every move. They are watching you. Their objective is currently unknown. We have field agents working on it.

Silent Hill Monsters[edit]

Horrible creatures from the depths of Heather's psyche. Other than the Nurses, they mostly stick to the outskirts of camp and don't bother anyone. The faceless Nurses, on the other hand, live in the infirmary and will treat people who go there, although sane people'll visit the real doctors at the hospital instead. Other monsters spotted in camp are Doubleheads, which're burnt-looking dogs that have been cut in half vertically then tied back together with bandages but with their heads left to flap, and Insane Cancers, which're fat, humanoid, creatures that resemble walking tumors and'll usually be sleeping when you stumble on them.

Shaneequa[edit]

A transvestite lake monster that may or may not be related to the Tentacle Monster. Hobbies includes bad touches on shounen retards too dumb to keep their fighting away from the lake.

Siren[edit]

Resembles a rooster with a human head. It either lives on a rock in the middle of the lake, or was standing on an outcropping jutting into the lake on the opposite side of it from the camp. Its singing will lure people who hear it to their deaths. It's been known to be stunned by a camera's flash.

Tentacle Monster[edit]

The Tentacle Monster is a creature of unknown origin and ancestry that lives in the lake of Camp Fuck You Die.

There have been no known photographs or spottings of the Tentacle Monster's entire body. However, as it has been proven that any person who steps near any part of the lake will have to defend themselves from the beast, it can be estimated that the Tentacle Monster is roughly the size of the lake.

The Tentacle Monster's objectives are as yet unknown. However, through empirical evidence, we can surmise that one of its goals is the total molestation of every camper at Camp Fuck You Die. Or at least the male ones.

It lives in the lake. Its purpose in life is to ass-rape as many campers (mostly male as of yet) as it possibly can. Avoid it, as it is known to hurt. A lot. And break people.

Dante informs us that the tentacle monster's name is Marcy, and as the name suggests, a she. Other names for the Tentacle monster include Tentapii (Ropponmatsu's) and Boomer (Ash's).

The tentacle monster has also on at least one occasion been able to transform itself into a somewhat-human form we like to call that Ursula the Sea Witch to seek revenge on Fuuma Yousuke for chopping off one of her tentacles so Momoko could make dinner. :(

Known Victims

  • Ari
  • Ash Ketchum
  • Athrun Zala
  • Kon (see: Kal)
  • Ling Tong
  • Lu Xun
  • Shinn Asuka
  • Watanuki Kimihiro

Tonberry[edit]

A cute, cuddly creature with slow reflexes and high endurance. Inhabits the areas around the cursed springs. The Don is their leader. Doinks enemies to kill them instantly.

Waterwangs[edit]

Sometimes referred to as "watersnakes," the campers of CFUD have quickly come to know otherwise. It was first discovered in the onsen, but since has shown up in the jello pool, Rock Lee's soul and badly written porn. It appears to be both a sentient and malevolent entity, and may or may not be stalking one Haruno Sakura. The true purpose of the waterwang is at this point unknown.

  • IMPORTANT WATERWANG UPDATE: A party consisting of Lee, Sakura, Kon-El and Yzak (and later Dearka, cause he's a slow-ass) attempted to take on the Motherwang. It appears to have fused with Lee's soul. Guys, what the fuck? <-- you love it, bitch. <--- Waterwang tops you. <-- But not Sakura, because Sakura tops Lee. <-- With a waterwang. <--And the circle of life begins anew. <---And it moves us all? <--Certainly it moves Lee. If not, Sakura's doing it wrong. <-- Sakura tops us all.

Vampiric Ducklings[edit]

First discovered by Ishida Uryuu. Also known for breathing fire, these ducklings will follow their owner around like a puppy. If bitten by one, you may turn into a duck. Preferred food is the blood of sentient fruits and vegetables.

Vampiric Gophers[edit]

First discovered by Goku. He now keeps one as a pet.

Velociraptors[edit]

First discovered by Alex. Most details on them are, at this point, unknown.

However, one might look to L as a velociraptor in disguise, due to his fantastically gay velociraptor hands.

Werebunnies[edit]

White rabid bunnies with red eyes. Attack campers who are stupid enough to take walks in the forest by night. Bitten campers will turn into werebunnies during the full moon.


Plant Life[edit]

Most of the plants growing in the camp area are either dangerous or very strange, just like most things at camp. A few of them are even strange in good way. Here's a list of some of the area's flora -- please to not be damaging them unless you want to get on the bad side of one of the many campers with plant fetishes.

Alcoholic Berries[edit]

First discovered by Lina Inverse, then lost for several months until they were rediscovered by Ying, these are exactly what they sound like; berries that get you drunk. They're known to be very strong, and taste good in daiquiris. Can be sold to Atsuko for a high price.

Apples[edit]

The apples grown in the greenhouse or Kurama's garden are fine unless something else taints them, but ones growing in the woods may cause people to gain evil twins if they're baked into a pie. In some cases in the far past, the victims have entered a coma-like sleep similar to Sleeping Beauty. The newest batch of apples provided by Benio removed inner dialogue completely.

Cantaloupe[edit]

There's a patch of these melons growing somewhere in the woods. Eating one turns a person into a little kid. (Shoutaloupe: Auel's Legacy of Crack.)

Condom Tree[edit]

Created by Naruto by accident, this tree has condoms for leaves. It's unknown what these do to anyone who tries using them, but the results would almost certainly be unpleasant.

Cowplants[edit]

They produce milk that should make people smarter but doesn't actually seem to work. They also spit out cakes that they use as bait when they're hungry to lure people close enough to eat.

Fire-Breathing Tomatoes[edit]

Are mostly harmless, as long as you avoid the flames.

Habanero Peppers[edit]

Grow north of the mess hall. They spit their oils on anyone that gets too close, making that person's skin burn wherever it touches.

Mistletoe[edit]

Now presumably dead until next Christmas, the mistletoe in camp forced any people caught under it to kiss and could teleport whenever it was in danger or wanted to torment some poor schlub.

Mushrooms[edit]

Certain mushrooms in camp cause people who eat them to change ages depending on their height. A mushroom that's 5cm tall will make someone into a five-year-old child, for example. BE CAREFUL

Pie Tree[edit]

Grows various types of pies. Most of them are fine to eat, but the blueberry kind transforms people into muppets.

Redneck Trees[edit]

First discovered by Buffy. They, too, seem to enjoy a good anal-probing of the campers. They are distinguishable from other trees by their overalls.

Roses[edit]

Roses are known to grow at two places in camp. The ones near Boy's Cabin #2 ejaculate on anyone who gets too close. The ones guarding Girl's Cabin #5 attack people who get too close and don't spray them with weedkiller to stun them.

Splenda Tree[edit]

Has packets of Splenda for leaves, and grows fruit that looks like bananas and makes it impossible for anyone who eats it to emo until it's worn off.

Ticky-box Bush[edit]

Grows ticky-boxes as fruit. They taste differently to everyone who eats them.

Umbrella Tree[edit]

Grows umbrellas.

Underwear Tree[edit]

The result of an ill-advised wish, the campers had access to a dragon that could give them anything and wasted one of the wishes on this tree. It's now used as the camp's main source of clean underwear, although if you stand over any pairs that have fallen to the ground they might suddenly sprout up toward the source of warm, moist heat.

May or may not be engaged in sexual relations with Fletcher Tringham.

Vines[edit]

There are rumours of perverted vines by the showers (heard it on the grapevine!).

This is in fact true, and Conan Edogawa fell victim to them. He exacted revenge by using them to tie together Lu Xun's raft, however. (They still managed to molest him while he was doing it.)