“Happy Canada Day!”
July 1, Canada Day (French: "Le Canada Day") is Canada's national holiday recognizing the sacrifices of the noble English and native beavers in the Great Maple Syrup Wars of 1901-1906. It is celebrated on July 1, on the date that elite Canadian troops defaced what is now called the White House by smearing it completely with a mixture of maple syrup and white paint. (It remains white and sticky to this day.)
It is a mandatory holiday across Canada for all federal institutions and liquor stores. It is also celebrated by all beaver lodges across Canada, even by the separatist "Parti-down Québécois" political organization, who aims to separate from Canada in order to stay up late and party wherever they want.
In Newfoundland and Labrador, July 1 is also recognized as Memorial Day and commemorates Newfoundland's heavy losses during the great Apple Massacre of 1999 when madman Steve Jobs, president and CEO of Apple, approved of testing of their new "iNuke" weapon that they were developing for the Canadian Military. The weapon was unleashed on the small town of Dildo, Newfoundland, prompting humorous headlines across the country. Memorial Day is celebrated to remember the victims, and to reflect on the humour of the whole thing.
Due to the fact that all non-disclosure agreements end on July 1, Quebec celebrates Canada Day by mass gossiping and trading of secrets, giving it the additional name "National Enquirer Day". Furthermore, the Great Poutine Catapult is rolled onto the Plains of Abraham where they recreate the infamous Massacre du Bonhomme Carnaval, a storied reminder of the curse left by the English. Quebecers also celebrate by moving to another dwelling until the next Canada day, as they are a semi-nomadic people.
In the small town of Leamington, affectionately known as "Tomato Town", Leamingtonites gather from all around town to enjoy the "Leamington-Heritage Parade", a long-running tradition in which all the residents follow tomato wagons around the city streets at 20 miles an hour. Until the late ninties, Americans, capitalists, and other "undesirables" were traditionally loaded into garbage trucks on this day every year and deposited at the end of the largest driveway in town, where it is said that "The migrant workers could strip a corpse to the bones in 30 seconds".
Kelowna, British Cloumbia
Kelowna is FUCKING AWESOME! and dont you forget it... Actually Kelowna fucking sucks ass your a faggot old people live their and retards lie their also and they love to have sex with there grandmothers wrinkley pussy, they also love to fuckinng screw grandpas big fucking cock and suck on dope all the time, and masterbating to picture of the ogopogo and swiiming in the period of there slut mothers put your fucking shirts on, wrinkley bitch fuck you fuck you and suck cock!!!!
the most retarded people in kelowna reside at
337 Providence Ave Kelowna, BC V1W 5A5 (250) 764-9603
Not To Be Confused With
Hanukkah (yes, believe it or not, it's a day)
Amazingly, the few people that actually spell this word do not misspell it.