Canned ravioli is a prescripton drug made by drug giant GlaxoSmithBoyardee as a way to give people suffering from constipation some diarrhea to keep things moving smoothly if you catch my drift
Canned ravioli was created by Chef Boyardee while he was still the leader of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. In 1792, he ate what looked like pasta-like pillows smothered in sick-ass tomato sauce. He ate it as a way to thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster for everything he has done. Five days after eating the retched ravioli, Chef Boyardee crapped his pants during a service and sat on the pot for the rest of the service and for about two hours afterwards. As everyone saw him crap his pants that fateful day, they smelt evil and ran away in complete terror. While he was on the pot, Kevin Trudeau (the patron saint of medicine), told him to sell the wretched ravioli as a laxative and make billions of bucks! Chef Boyardee liked the idea and two years later, he invented canned ravioli. When people first bought it, they nearly puked after they ate but felt like a completely new person after sitting on the pot for days on end just spewing out toilet-full after toilet-full of liquid shit. The canned ravioli industry now makes over 75 billion dollars every year, but to a new audience (children) so Chef Boyardee can rape them (making it a double dose of colon cleansing for the child).
Canned ravioli causes fucking diarrhea, that's the damn controversy, along with over 50,000 other diseases! Canned ravioli has also been shown to increase your chance of becoming a Patrick Deuel by 652%. There has also been some controversy whether the reason why canned ravioli gives you diarrhea is because a ton of chopped-up wetbacks get put in the meat mixture every year!
- Some famous people who have eaten canned ravioli as a quick way to lose weight include:
- Rosie O'Donnell (went from 350 tons to 200 tons in a matter of six minutes!) - All the anorexic bitches in the last few years (Mary Kate Olson, Nicole Richie, etc...) - Me goddamn it! - All the people on Nutrislim commercials
- This article has been rated XXXX by ME!
- Canned ravioli once planned to invade Canada but the plan was foiled because of the start of WW2
- Canned ravioli was actually the culprit with making George Bush retarded
- This was Chef Boyardee's 1st attempt at cooking anything (canned ravioli)
- The following people have died from eating this crap:
- Tommy Lee
- Cliff Burton (but thats not funny at all! Cry you son of a bitch!)
- Tom Cruise (but who really cares?)
- Rachael Ray (again, who really cares?)
- Donald Trump (looks like he has been fired)
- Mr. Food (his evil twin brother is the one you see on the news)
- David Oreck (thats actually beneficial)
- YOU IF YOU EAT THIS CRAP
- Captain Crunch
- An Emo cult called the MCRmy
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