Captain Britain
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“It's time to kick arse and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.”
~ Captain Britain
“Captain Britain sucks donkey penis”
~ Captain Obvious on Captain Britain
Captain Britain is known as being the single greatest superhero of all time by the people of Great Britain, Europe and the Commonwealth as well as being the winner of the World's Biggest Racist award for the year 2004. His powers can be matched only by Superman who is also known for being the single gratest superhero in the United States of Armania.
The Captain is known for achieving several acts of great bravery including fighting in World War Two alongside The Queenand doctor who. Captain Britain is also said to have found the Holy Grail along with Monty Python although this is popularly disputed as it it popularly considered that Oscar Wilde IS the Holy Grail.
Captain Britain briefly claimed Excalibur as his own and was appointed protector of the entire friggin multiverse (kinda like a multiplex but with universes instead of cinemae). He lost his position when too many Americans complained that they didn't want their multiverse ran by a Brit.
Stupid Americans.
To add insult to injury, Captain Britain was later sued by King Arthur and had to give up the sword and 3 pounds for emotional trauma.
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[edit] Allegiance
Captain Britain was an ally of the Conservative Party of Great Britain from 1979 to 1996 when he went into early retirement. He was persuaded to return to the political frontline in 2002 by the United Kingdom Independence Partisans for whom he now knits union jack tea-cosys. He has refused to thwart their enemies and get them into government as he managed to do for Margaret Thatcher claiming "there are limits to my powers".
[edit] Superpowers
- Can consume large quantities of tea without scones.
- Knows that it IS football and NOT soccer.
- Ability to drive on both sides of the road.
- Ability to understand humour.
- Ability to say "arse" rather then "ass" when refering to his, or someone elses postirior.
- Ability to speak the English language correctly and use correct grammar and punctuation.
- Ability to consume life threatening quantities of alcohol.
- Can pull out Holy Hand Grenades out of nowhere and use them against his enemies.
- Is the only person who can take on Ving Rhames, Chuck Norris, Bruce Willis and Clint Eastwood (30 years ago) at the same time... and win.
- Knows every silly walk the Ministry of Silly Walks knows.
[edit] Famous Quotes
"It's Tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that's right on time
It's Tricky...it's Tricky (Tricky) Tricky (Tricky)
It's Tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that's right on time
It's Tricky...Tr-tr-tr-tricky (Tricky) Trrrrrrrrrrricky"
-- Run DMC on how hard it must be to be Captain Britain
"Mr Blair is a modest man. That said, he has much to be modest about"
-- Captain Britain of Tony Blair
[edit] See also
| Preceded by: Cecil | Protector of the British Isles 1967 - 1974 | Succeeded by: Doctor Who |
| Preceded by: Jim Davidson | World's Biggest Racist 2004 | Succeeded by: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad |
 | People named "Captain" |
|
America - Archer - Arrogant - Awesome - Beefheart - Britain - Canada - Caveman - Charisma - Cook - Courageous - Crunch - D - Denial - Exaggeration - Feathersword - Falcon - Fishcake - Hook - Jack - Jack Sparrow - Janeway - Jesus - Kirk - Lamberton - Marvel - Marvel (other) - Morgan - N - Oblivious - Obvious - Omnipotent - Picard - Planet - Raccoon - Sarcasm - Scarlet - Selfish - Slow - Ultra - Understatement - Video |
