Captain Oblivious

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“This is an article about Captain Oblivious!”
~ Captain Obvious

“James Madison is the shortest of all the US Presidents to date.”

~ Captain Irrelevant on Captain Oblivious

“Nobody mentioned there was going to be an article about me?”
~ Captain Oblivious on reading this article

“Who?”
~ Captain Oblivious on Captain Oblivious/above quote

“What do you mean 'There is an article about you'?”
~ Captain Oblivious on Himself

Captain Oblivious to the rescue?

Ahem.[edit]

... Captain Oblivious is a superhero renowned for his failure to comprehend what is going on around him. He was recently declared dead (causes of death: Heinrich Himmler, and Math). He also had several other superpowers, including flight and a raygun, but he rarely uses them because he usually doesn't know they exist. He once had a sidekick, Mr Perceptive, but he quit, partly because he got bored of doing everything himself as Captain Oblivious did not know that there was an enemy there, and that Captain Oblivious wasn't aware that he had a sidekick in the first place. One of the Obious twins, the other being Captain Obvious, Captain Oblivious has gained himself fame, but he never realised and he probably never will.

Experts are extremely unsure about the origin of Captain Oblivious. When interviewed about this, as all superheroes are, he was found to be unsure of this himself, and only after hours of Interview -- they had to repeatedly explain to him that an interview was taking place -- did they learn nothing. Captain Speculation thinks he may have come from space, or maybe Sarah Palin's own mind, but he said those are only "maybe's".

“Here are the contents.”

~ Captain Obvious on Captain Oblivious's Uncyclopedia page

“Where?”

~ Captain Oblivious on the contents

Don't Be Oblivious and Do the Obvious by Confusing Captain Oblivious with Captain Obvious[edit]

Captain Oblivious is not to be confused with Captain Obvious, who may or may not be his twin brother, as Captain Oblivious mentions in page 1 of his 2 page autobiography:

“Captain Obvious says we're related, and he seems to know a lot about our mutual childhood. Why, I don't know.”

Captain Obvious verified this in his own autobiography where in page 2 he writes:

“He doesn't know I am a superhero. He probably doesn't know he is a superhero himself.”

~ Captain Obvious on why his brother doesn't know him

The Oblivious Offspring[edit]

Captain Oblivious Jr. aka The Riddler.

“I have a son?”

~ Captain Oblivious on having a son

“What I really miss about my childhood is going fishing with my father without a rod. Or a boat. Or my father.”

~ The Riddler on his childhood

Captain Oblivious has two sons, neither of whom he remembers procreating. Naturally the identity of The Riddler's mother escapes Captain Oblivious, as does the whereabouts of his beloved son. Captain Oblivious also remains oblivious of the fact that The Riddler had a career as an arch-enemy of Batman. Eventually The Riddler got fired because he wore too stupid a costume, and nowadays he is pestering his poor father by sending him riddles such as "Guess whose son am I".

The Second is James May, for some reason. It says so on his page, for some other reason.

It is also rumored that Captain Oblivious has another son, namely Conan O'Blivious.

Education and Work History[edit]

Captain Oblivious is a freelance superhero constantly moving between superhero groups. He usually winds up kicked out after no longer than six months due to his unique condition, which is best described in his own words:

“People get really annoyed at me for some reason. I... wait a second, is today Tuesday? Was I supposed to be saving Earth today? Where am I? What is this stuff?”

~ Captain Oblivious on being interviewed in a vat of acid

He first rose through the ranks of Professor Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters to join the X-Men. He also possesses several superpowers, including flight, although he is often seen taking a taxi for an unknown reason. His special ability is to forget his own name.

“I forget my name? When?”

~ Captain Oblivious on The above paragraph

“All the time.”

~ Captain Obvious on The above quote

“What time?”

~ Captain Oblivious on The above quote

He was first brought into to the X-Men because otherwise he'd still be wandering around Xavier's mansion. Prof. X recommended they give him something to do.

He was later expelled from the X-Men due to his numerous bouts of obliviousness. The final straw came when Magneto crumpled the X-Men's headquarters with his mind after Captain Oblivious told him where it was.

“Was that a secret? I thought it was pretty well-known. I mean, otherwise he could have done that at any time, right?”

After he was kicked out of the X-Men, he went on to do some solo stuff, until he met his sidekick, Mr Perceptive. A year later, Mr Perceptive quit because he got annoyed that Captain Oblivious was not doing any work.

“You said that at the top.”

~ Mr Perceptive on the above text

“I had a sidekick?”

~ Captain Oblivious on Mr Notice

Arrest[edit]

January 18th, 2003, Captain Oblivious was arrested with over 50 kilograms of narcotics in his possession, and was charged with possesion with intent to sell. He pleaded not guilty under advice from counsel, but the verdict was quickly reached, by way of this exchange, provided by the stenographer:

Judge Reinhold - Captain Oblivious, do you understand the charges against you?
Captain Oblivious - No.
JR - You are being charged with possession with intent to sell.
CO - Possession of what?
JR - Illegal narcotics.
CO - What makes them illegal?
JR - (amazed by stupidity) By definition. Now do you understand the charges?
CO - What charges?
JR - (pause, look of disbelief) Possession of illegal narcotics with intent to sell.
CO - Not guilty, your honor.
JR - By way of?
CO - (confused pause)
JR - Why are you pleading not guilty? The police found over 50 kilograms of narcotics.
CO - Well, unless I've missed something in the facts, which I don't think I have, I never intended to sell it.
JR - (angered) Are you fucking retarded?
CO - Who?
JR - YOU!!!
CO - You?
JR - Holy Shit!
CO - Shit is holy?
JR - Jesus Christ
CO - Jesus is here?
JR - NO!
Jesus - Yes, I am.
CO - Who are you?
J - (whispers to himself) Nice job with this one, dad!
JR - GUILTY!
CO - Who's guilty?
JR - DAMMIT!

Other Quotes on Record from Captain Oblivious[edit]

“If you read the quotes on this page to your friends nonstop, they will laugh.”

~ Captain Obvious on reading quotes

“Is this quote in the right section?”

~ Captain Oblivious on the above quote

“Yes, sure is”

~ Captain Sarcasm on the above quote

“My life sucks!”

“What one?”

~ Captain Oblivious on the above quote

“?”

“Man, I love trolls”

~ Captain Oblivious on going to watch Troll 2

“Mmmmm... oven chips”

~ Captain Oblivious on John McCain

“Mmmmm, cake!”

“Mmmmm... cobras”

~ Captain Oblivious on Cobras

“Penis?!”

~ Captain Oblivious on morning erection

“But I pee with that thing!”

“Really?! Since when?”

~ Captain Oblivious on his family

“They don't taste of butter?!”

~ Captain Oblivious on butterfly

“I DON'T CARE!!”

~ Mr Perceptive on above quote

“LOUD NOISES!!”

~ Captain Oblivious on above quote

“Elton John is gay?!”

~ Captain Oblivious on Elton John

“I don't remember my house being this small. Oh well”

~ Captain Oblivious on getting lost again

“...Pwned?”

~ Captain Oblivious on getting pwned

“Wow! Satellite!”

~ Captain Oblivious on Cable TV

“This red button?”

~ Captain Oblivious on "press the red button" Cable TV screens

“Who?”

~ Captain Oblivious after babysitting

“I bet that thing works!”

~ Captain Oblivious on watching the sham-wow commercial

“I bet that thing works!”

~ Captain Oblivious on watching the sham-wow commercial

“That quote was said twice”

~ Captain Obvious on the above quote

“What quote?”

~ Caption Oblivious on the above quote

“Wall? What wall?”

“Nobody cares about that”

~ Captain Oblivious on Pop culture

“I'm scared!”

~ Captain Oblivious on winning something

“CAPS LOCK ISN'T ANNOYING!”

~ CAPTAIN OBLIVIOUS ON CAPS LOCK

“I'm white?!”

~ Captain Oblivious on Being white

“Wait! The President's half White? He looks black to me!”

“Barack Obama is the president?”

~ Captain Obvious on Barack Obama

“I don't remember agreeing to this”

~ Captain Oblivious on watching the movie Memento

“When I sit down, it makes a noise?”

~ Captain Oblivious on woopie cushions

“... I'm blind!!!”

~ Captain Oblivious on sleeping

“There's going to be a quote below this?”

~ Captain Oblivious on the next quote

“Wow, I swear I didn't see that coming”

~ Captain Oblivious on the above quote

“Seriously? Fish swim ALL THE TIME?”

“Huh? Since when is Captain Obvious mentioned more on Uncyclopedia than me?”

~ Captain Oblivious on Captain Obvious

“Who's Chuck Norris? I could probably take 'em. sounds like a pussy”

“In any given right-angled triangle, the square of the longest side is equal to the sum of the squares of the remaining two sides”

~ Captain Oblivious on Blacking Out


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