Cartoon Movie 3
|Runtime||Eighty (80) minutes|
Cartoon Movie 3 is the third and (thank God!) last of the Cartoon Movie series, released in 2025. Although not officially announced as such by the crew, the fact that a mob of angry members of the Film Actors Guild massacred the entire production team after the premiere means that another Cartoon Movie seems very unlikely.
Moronic the Hedgehog (Sonic the Hedgehog) and Crappy Duck (Daffy Duck) run a sleazy detective agency in Cartoonland, having failed in previous attempts at running a casino, a bar, a brothel and a video store. Through depression, Moronic has taken to cocaine, which gives him super-speed, while Crappy is now a drunk.
In the midst of a drug-and-alcohol-fuelled fight, the two get a case from Horny Pig (Spanky Ham), who tells them to investigate a series of murders at his nightclub, Club Foot, outside of Cartoonland. The two investigate, and Moronic is surprised when he finds his girlfriend, Tudor Rose (Amy Rose), running the nightclub's finances. She argues with Moronic for letting himself go, and storms off.
Crappy sets up a lookout post in a back-room of the nightclub, while Moronic mingles and fondles with the partygoers. They see somebody in the shadows, and Moronic follows him, only to find Horny Pig dead and severely mutilated in the alleyway. The plot thickens even more when, for no other reason, the writers introduce a character named Moby's Dick (Homer Simpson) just for a cheap laugh.
Moronic and Crappy confront Tudor Rose, who has taken over the club, and tightened security to the point where Moronic and Crappy are no longer needed. Dejected, they leave, but bump into a shady prostitute named Blonde the Bimbo (Minerva Mink), who runs at the sight of them. With the aid of his cocaine, Moronic catches her, and he and Crappy torture her with BDSM until she confesses to have been a lookout for the real villain, but is then shot by the real villain before she can say anything.
Returning to Tudor with the evidence (which consists of Bimbo's dead corpse and a cheese sandwich), the trio team up to find out what the hell is going on, and tell Moby's Dick to fuck off seeing as he's got no real use in this movie. The club is temporarily closed, and the three stooges stake out the club for signs of their mysterious friend. They find him, and set off after him in the Moronicmobile.
The trail, unsurprisingly, ends at a really creepy castle somewhere outside Cartoonland. The trio enter, leaving the Moronicmobile outside, only to fall straight into a trap because they ignored the really big neon sign over their heads that read: BEWARE OF THE TRAP. Cornered, the villain introduces himself, Faeces the Rabbit (Tom Cruise), the illegitimate son of Bugs Bunny (who Cruise played in Cartoon Movie 2) and Lindsay Lohan.
Faeces has been planning to start his own nightclub for years, with Bimbo as his sales rep, but Club Foot was a big challenge to his plans, so he planned to quite literally "kill off" the competition by slaughtering anyone who went inside. As he gloats, Moronic snorts some more cocaine, and kills Faeces in a drug-fuelled rage by stabbing his eyes out with a plastic comb. Crappy pours some of his "Moscow-brand" Vodka into the castle's furnace, turning it into one giant fireball. Moronic and Tudor marry, and have 98 children because the Pope won't let them use condoms, and Crappy breaks the world record for number of alcohol units in a single drop of blood.
Criticism of this movie was just as strong as Cartoon Movie and Cartoon Movie 2, as many were upset that Sonic the Hedgehog had stooped so low to appear in a film with Tom Cruise, even though Rouge the Bat and Cream the Rabbit had both made appearances in Date Movie. Roger Ebert, who is the main shit-stirrer of really bad movies, said:
This movie just praises everything we're supposed to condemn. Drugs, alcohol, Sonic the Hedgehog and Tom Cruise in the same movie... there may come a time when this steaming pile of shit becomes a landmark in anarchist theatre, but there will never come a time when it is ever considered funny.
Another review came courtesy of Your Mom of USA Today, who had had an uncreditted cameo in the movie, who said:
What an absolute load of bollocks! This stuff is so bad, it's bad for you! I'm just so glad they never added my name to this piece of bullshit, otherwise my career as a focus for grossout satire would be well and truly over!
I wish I'd never even signed onto it, especially as I was pretty drunk at the time. I'm just so sorry to everyone out there that I was in this pile of dog turds that is supposed to be a movie.
Despite the controversy, idiots around the world flocked to see a bunch of cartoon characters making complete asses of themselves, especially as the movie had come out at the height of the affair between Daffy Duck and Sasha Montenegro. Worldwide, the movie made $12,000,000,000,000,000,000 in total, well above it's $1 budget, making it an unlikely blockbuster.
- Sonic the Hedgehog - Moronic the Hedgehog
- Daffy Duck - Crappy Duck
- Amy Rose - Tudor Rose
- Spanky Ham - Horny Pig
- Tom Cruise - Faeces the Rabbit
- Minerva Mink - Bimbo the Blonde
- Homer Simpson - Moby's Dick
- WordGirl - Becky Botsford
- Peg Pete - Peg Pete (uncreditted)
- Your Mom - Super Fun Happy Bitch (uncreditted)
Cartoon Movie 3 had initially been planned as a new movie called Detective Movie, but the execs at PBS told producer Josef Stalin that it wouldn't work, as detective plots had already been used in previous movies, including Action Movie and Cartoon Movie. So saying, Stalin convinced PBS to produce it as an animated movie, and retitled it to Cartoon Movie 3 to cash in on their existing Cartoon Movie franchise, and established the link with the return of Minerva Mink of Slappy's Angels fame, who had previously appeared in Cartoon Movie 2.
Whilst the movie was in production, director Gordon Brown had a falling out with Tom Cruise, leading male-actor of Date Movie, Date Movie 2 and Action Movie 3, who wanted a lead-role over Sonic the Hedgehog. The argument was settled by giving Tom a vasectomy without an anaesthetic, and casting him as the lead-villain instead. Gordon Brown, when interviewed about this on TV, called it a "short cut".
- Batman - Come on, you didn't really think the Moronicmobile was a new idea, did you?
- Drawn Together - Gratuitous Sex Scene #24 resembles the opening of the show
- Duckula: Dead and Loving It - The really creepy castle mimics the really creepy castle
- Dude, Where Art Mine Horse and Carriage? - Tudor Rose is dressed like Elizabeth I
- The Good, The Bad, and the Swansea - Moby's Dick is a rip-off of Clem Pynis
- Goof Troop - Peg Pete's character as Peg Pete
- Lobo the Duck - Faeces the Rabbit is also a psychotic animal
- Sonic the Hedgehog - The main character, duh
|The Scary Movie series|
|Scary Movies||Scary Movie • Scary Movie 2 • Scary Movie 3 • Scary Movie 4|
|Action Movies||Action Movie • Action Movie 2 • Action Movie 3|
|Cartoon Movies||Cartoon Movie • Cartoon Movie 2 • Cartoon Movie 3 • Cartoon Movie 4 • Cartoon Movie 5|
|Date Movies||Date Movie • Date Movie 2 • Date Movie 3 • Date Movie 4|
|Musical Movies||Musical Movie • Musical Movie 2|
|Spy Movies||Spy Movie • Spy Movie 2|
|Other Movies||Alien Movie • Disaster Movie • Epic Movie • Monster Movie • Shark Movie • Silent Movie • Surreal Movie • Suspense Movie|
|Fairy tale movies||Shrek • Shrek 2|