Caster Semenya

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“A cigar is just a cigar, but a massive phallic object produced from beneath your robes is obviously a penis.”

~ Sigmund Freud on proof of her gender.
Certain prototypes have been less photogenic than others.

Caster Semenya is a radio-controlled humanoid mutant that was designed and built in a clandestine African National Congress laboratory as a propaganda tool.


For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Caster Semenya.
  1. A retractable penis that can morph into a vagina-like organ, faking gender tests
  2. Programmable mammary like breast muscles for higher performance
  3. Computer controller that can only be remotely controlled by black South African athletic officials i.e. Leonard Chuene, and ANC politicians
  4. The ability to get free housing, sponsorship and Pick n Pay vouchers for nothing.
  5. Flat black feet with white latex soles for added grip.

Flaws with Version 1[edit]

Controller failure showing Semenya in an uncustomary position.
  1. Its inability to sit and urinate
  2. Its inability to hide a vuvuzela-like voice
  3. Its tendency to confuse the IAAC by entering into female long distance races.

Version 2[edit]

Rumour has it that an upgraded model will be available in late 2017. This version of Caster Semenya will have more stealth like abilities, smaller silicone testicles and will be more aerodynamic at high speeds. It is rumoured that it would also feature carbon reinforced skeletal strengthening to reduce weight and increase strength. However, this is currently being vehemently denied by Athletic South Africa officials seemingly afraid of possible legal action from film maker James Cameron, who first invented this technology for use in his epic movie Avatar.

Noteworthy facts about Caster Semenya[edit]

The mutant's amazing ability to suck it's testicles into it's mouth is demonstrated.

Gender tests on South African sprinter Caster Semenya, who won gold in the women’s 800meters in Berlin still have not been completed. Semenya entered the race as a woman but competitors believe she is a man. Women became suspicious after Semenya passed them in the 800 and didn’t bother calling the next day.

Gender tests revealed the 8 foot tall South African gold metal winner to be a man . Caster's father claims his child is really a Hermaphrodite while most doctors agree Semenya is more of a Him-maphrodite . " That would explain the huge bulge between Caster's legs that resembled a roll of Tar-Paper , " said the amazed female runner who finished a distant second place

If South African track star Caster Semenya is ever involved in a photo finish,she won't win by a nose.

Is that South African runner Caster Semenya really a man? I dunno, but maybe the last name offers a clue..."Semen?"...

This is NOT a Semenya prototype.

Doctors have discovered that South African track star Caster Semenya, has undescended testes, which are producing large amounts of testosterone. This has caused a row amongst other women athletes, who claim to be at a disadvantage because Semenya is really a man. But a compromise has been reached. It is reported that Ms. Semenya will have both testes, as well as half of “her” brain surgically removed in order to make her just like the others!

Due to the way she runs and her strikingly muscular build, the IAAF has asked for a gender verification exam on South African running sensation, Caster Semenya, who won the 800-meter event at the world championships in Berlin on Wednesday. Said IAAF spokesman Nick Davies, "Semenya's astoundingly quick performance prompted suspicions over her gender. She run's like she has a THIRD LEG - if you know what I mean."

If Lady GaGa and Caster Semenya fucked, would that be classed as a foursome?

The mother of Caster Semenya, women's 800m world champion has expressed her outrage at her daughter having to undergo a gender test. She said "This is a real kick in the bollocks for my daughter"

Nelson Mandela recently met with controversial runner Caster Semenya. The pair has two things in common - South African roots and their ability to pee while standing up.

The way Caster Semenya has conducted herself throughout the undignified and humiliating experience over doubts about her gender are to be commended. It shows she has balls.

It is also understood that Version 2 will have a built-in insect repellant designed to get rid of frequent pests like Julius Malema

See also[edit]

External articles[edit]

[1] Caster and the gender question

[2] Caster. Should we take "her" word?