Castlevania
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“So you like Playing Castlevania don't you?”
~ Psycho Mantis on Castlevania
“Who are all these people, and why are they dressed up like complete idiots?”
~ Castlevania Newbie on Castlevania
“Those are members of the Belmont clan. Apologize or I'll be sure to f*** you hard later”
~ Alucard on defending the Belmont Clan
Caslevania is a series of games that are about people who walk in an awesome manner (I am not kidding look at how the main character walks in the Gameboy and DS versions) and destroy Vampires. But these aren't the kiddy vampires like Dracula or Dracula 2000. No these are the ones that will rape you if they are given the chance.
Contents |
[edit] NES Days
[edit] Castlevania Plot
Once upon a time in Bram Stoker world there lived a guy named Simon Belmont who had this thing for vampires, and it wasn't a good thing. It was like Batman and Joker. No it was even worse than that it's like Captain Picard and Li'l Picard. That's bad! So anyway he gets an invitation from Dracula to party at his awesome castle. But when he gets to the castle all the punch is gone! So Simon like gets really pissed and kills all of the zombies and skeletons and ghosts and so on and so forth.
[edit] Castlevania II
The first Castlevania game was built in a very linear way but the second game was a Metroid clone, and it change the shape of Metroid Castlevania for ever
Well Simon and Dracula are not talking, you see? So anyway their friends decide to set up a blind date and get them back together. But sadly, the plan backfires and Dracula goes running off to his awesome castle bawling his eyes out. Simon feels sorry and goes to apoligize, but Dracula was pretty pissed at the moment so he sent out a bunch of monsters to kill Simon (vampires are very sensitive).
So anyway, Simon finally gets up to Dracula's bedroom and, well, kinda intrudes on something personal. Simon then runs all the way back to his house take a very cold shower. Dracula and Simon never talk to each other again.
[edit] Castlevania III
Castlevania III introduced the whiny bitch named Trevor Belmont. Many gamers relate to him.
Well The Belmont's and the Draculet's have been estranged for quite a while. But one day Trevor who is a Belmont and Juzie who is a Draculet fall in love and all hell breaks lose. So anyway Dracula takes Juzie back to his awesome castle so Trevor can't get her. But since Trevor's love for Juzie is so strong he goes after her, but when he gets there she is sleeping, since back then they didn't know of something called a pulse he thought she was dead. So kills himself cause he goes emo, sadly at the this very moment Juzie wakes up and sees Trevor dead on the floor and is all like "Finally" and she goes back to sleep.
[edit] Not NES days
That's right, castlevania has made the transition to some of the most high tech game systems ever, like the Sega Genesis
[edit] Castlevania Harmony and Dissonance
Castlevania HaD revolved around Juste Belmont, Dracula's son who Simon adopted and raised some 50 years, though Juste is only in his 20's. The story goes that Juste's woman, Lydie, and his best friend, Maxim, who he later finds out was being possessed by Dracula because he's a necrophiliac and was carrying around Dracula's remains, run off to Dracula's castle. Maxim says that Lydie was kidnapped, even though he locked her in a room and blindfolded her so he could have his way with her later. So Juste is forced to explore the castle twice because he's an idiot and can't read a map for crap. Oh yeah, there's also some queer for a merchant. Yeah that's right, a homosexual merchant. Anyways, back to Juste. He runs in to Maxim and calls him an Emo retard for being worried about him and Lydie, then later talking about feeding Juste his own nutsack. Juste later responds by abusing his friend on one side of the castle, then going to the identical room on the other side to find his friend on the floor and beg him to live, then runs off like a douche and never speaks of him again. The game ends when Juste finally finds Lydie, then takes her to some room he decided to furnish with random things, tosses her onto the king-sized bed, and rapes her forevermore. Dracula later returns and takes over the world (and places cameras within the room while Juste continues his raping in the shower) Making millions in the real estate and porn industries.
[edit] ThE FuTuRe
Soma Cruz saves his girlfriend but turns into Dracula but gets killed by a Belemont.
[edit] Things That Will Always Happen
Anyway the Belmonts will always kill Vampires and the Vampires will always get killed by the Belmonts.
[edit] SOON
The new Castlevania game "Order of Uncyclopedia" is almost out
Not so much of a FREAK OUT!
