Ceiling
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“From the ceiling, I can watch you masturbate!”
~ user:Manintheceiling on living in the ceiling
Ceilings were first invented in 1984 at 23:52 on a Tuesday by Sir Sandhu of Venice. On this cold Tuesday night, God, after an argument with Jesus decided to make it rain on dem' hoes after Jesus forgot fathers day. As Sandhu decided that he does not like getting wet (and who doesn't) he modified the idea of a roof and invented a ceiling, to prevent people located underneath from getting wet.
[edit] Construction
The construction of ceilings is rather simple. First, you need a really nice cup of hot tea. Then, using a positive neutrino generator (available from your local Tescos) connect this to the tea using the USB ports on the cup. If your cup does not have a USB port then you will need to use a PCI expansion unit. Once your all wired and hooked up tell the positive neutrino generator how big you want the ceiling, and where in the universe you want it and then press the Windows key and stand back to a safe distance of 30 centimeters. Your ceiling is now constructed. Caution is required when pressing the windows key as this may cause your cup of tea to crash.
[edit] Known problems
Their are several known and unknown problems with ceilings that you should be made aware of, especially the unknown ones.
Firstly, is that ceilings constructed out of air don't work to well. Neither do ceilings made out of water.
Ceilings are known to collapse if the positive neutrino generator is not running Linux. This is because you are required to press the Windows key, because of the little pixies inside your computer don't like operating systems crash to much.
Damaged ceilings can also be portals for opossums at random intervals. I am sure they mean to reenter this dimension at another point, because they are really ticked off when I find them in my pantry covered with flour and sugar and cocoa.
