Celebrity

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Alicia Keys?

See Also: The List of Fun Things Celebs Like to Do for an extra blast!

A celebrity pronounced 'cele-brity'; 'cele' is short for 'celery' as this is a common diet for celebrities (at least in the Excited States of America and 'brity' meaning like someone British, as real celebs seem to rapidly learn to speak in a British or British-like language (see American English for an example).

Celebrities are people who at some point in their lives fail to pass a humanity test like the raggy dolls and therefore are classed as rejected civilians . It is usually only possible for them to become human if their fall from grace in the public eye is so bad that even reality tv shows won't offer them work; this level of rejection takes serious talent, something mercifully rare in modern celebrities.

The stereotypical celebrity is so ugly that their face is featured constantly on all forms of media as a form of pity. They are also often paid ridiculous sums of money for this. Although they believe themselves superior to society, celebrities are shunned by intelligent individuals, though many still follow the lives of celebrities out of morbid curiosity. Celebrities are treated as animals in some countries, being fed thin strips of carrots and celery. They are prone to silly suggestions such as the insane idea that there might be a purpose to life, this envitably leads them to commit to Religion and if they are truly stupid enough Scientology.

Celebrities are often exploited for their bizarre and disconcerting looks, (see Michael Jackson) in a series of "celeb pics" present in magazines and websites. Celebrities should always be avoided, as they often carry diseases and are prone to biting others, grabbing the buttocks of complete strangers, and parading about town all liquored up and off their mash on ecstasy pipes.

Many celebrities exhibit no talent at all. The only true requisite of celebrity is to have one colossal public failure to one's credit. This alerts the media to one's presence. If the proto-celeb is able to secure an agent, celebrity status is assured. Like the elephant man prove we all like to wonder what the ugly people do with their time so we stalk them and put them on TV shows and make films about them to find out, some say a true celebrity is like the missing link between ape and humans we have been searching for. The quality of a celebs agent will determine whether the celebrity becomes a superstar or a guest on Hollywood Squares.

Celebrities are classified as a form of parasite.

Celebrities in the UK[edit]

ShahrUKh Khan happens to be a British Celebrity

All celebrities in the United Kingdom must be registered on the Who The Hell Is That List to avoid unnecessary public confusion. The list was rushed into law following an episode of Win Lose or Draw on which the contestants were more recognised than not only their celebrity team mates but also the host.

While the full list runs to over 17 million pages and hence somewhat unwieldy an annual abriged edition is publish as Who's Nobody, listing the most prominent media whores in the country and what, if anything, they are supposed to be famous for.

Such has been the success the system that low grade celebrities are now the United Kingdoms third biggest export after arms and Oscar Wilde quotes. Celebrities usually start life as whores, and when they die you cannot hear enuff about em.

This is what most celebrities look like before surgery renders them unhuman looking.
This is what they could look like once they obtain celebrity status.

Trivia[edit]

All male celebrities have small penises. Face it. Its true. Will Ferrell, Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio all have two inch long penises.

See also[edit]

External links[edit]