Celebrity Big Brother

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Big Brother 8 contestant Zach in a composite sketch after an attempted armed robbery.

“In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!!.”

~ Russian reversal on Big Brother

Celebrity Big Brother (or I'm A Celebrity, Please Please Please Please Please Get Me Back On The Telly and also known as I'm Not Actually A Celebrity But Who Cares, No One Actually Watches This Trollop Anyway or "Celebrity" Big Brother wink, wink) is a TV show aired in the UK. Each week, a Z-list celebrity is filmed 24 hours a day as they become the shadowy figurehead of a government that controls every aspect of its citizens life, including their thoughts.

The name is, in fact a bit of a lie as few have actually heard of the participants... those who have need a life

In 2009 it was announced that a special Big Brother will take place. It is unlike any other Big Brother in history. 15 housemates will walk in the house.... and then evicted 20 minutes later, every single one of them. Then the public will watch the empty house for 9 weeks.

This is planned to launch a new spin off for the General Election, Celebrity Parliamentary Candidate in which winners of Celebrity Big Brother will compete to become a Member of Parliament as Channel 4 relaunches as a political party for Independents.


Rules[edit]

Successful contestants on the show become universally adored by the public while it is airing, only to quickly fade into obscurity once it finishes. The increased media attention briefly increases their earning power while they search for another reality TV show to appear on.

Contestants who fail become trapped as an ordinary citizen of the world, and once a successful contestant appears they are shot in the back of the head as they come to realise that they do indeed love the new contestant, who is 'Big Brother' for that week.

Contestants[edit]

Season 1[edit]

  • Sid Owen -Successfull
  • Calum Best - Successful
  • Stevie Wonder - Failed (Commited Suicide), would have been successful.
  • Abi Titmus - Failed (dead)
  • Jodie Marsh - Failed (dead)
  • Ross Kemp - Successful
  • Ian Wright - Failed (awaiting successful contestant)
  • Saddam Hussein - Seized by US Special Forces (would have won otherwise)
  • Robert Kilroy Silk - Successful (No one would vote for him)

Season 2[edit]

Season 3[edit]

  • The Boogeyman - Evicted but as always returned.
  • Dracula - He chartered a ship to take him to England, criticised for spending too much time on a reality show and not enough time in movies.
  • The Countess - despite bathing in virgin blood was evicted when people realised she was old.
  • Bugs Bunny - Evicted 1st.
  • Wilt - Died of Hunger (Day 10)
  • Louie Louie (Evicted 2nd)
  • Lee Bead - WINNER
  • Oprah Winfrey - Evicted 3rd
  • Justin Lee Collins RUNNER UP
  • God - Evicted last
  • Ariel Sharon - Evicted Day Fuck You
  • Zeus - 4th Place
  • Bill Clinton - Evicted Evicted Evicted
  • Rosie O'Donnell - Evicted 6th
  • Bella Goth - Abducted By aliens in the UFO Spotting Task
  • Yo Mama's Pet Platypus - Evicted 100th
  • Canaries 1-5 - Evicted 65th at the same time
  • You - Evicted 1000th
  • Peter Griffin - Evicted
  • The Angry German Kid - Evicted Day 69, he smashed his keyboard when he was evicted.

Season 4[edit]

Big Brother's "logo" for Season 3, in actuality a powerful mind control device

5th Season[edit]

The 5th Season ran for 50 days in early 2007. Robbie Williams was convinced to take part. Producers asked him to be on the show as he would likely produce more "best bits" than any other contestant in the show's history. Controversial people such as Lance "Lance Vance Dance" Vance and Barack "Yes we can" Obama were asked to take part. Producers are being criticized for yet again allowing mentally unstable contestants in, such as Claude Speed, who was Mute.

Contestants:

Nominations[edit]

  Day 6 Day 12 Day 19 Day 26 Day 34 Day 41 Day 45 Finals (Day 50)
Claude Jade
CJ
Mariah
Simon
Mariah
Sinead
Mariah
Susan
Mariah
CJ
Mariah
Jeremy
Barack
Jeremy
Winner
Leona Jade
CJ
Claude
Sinead
CJ
Sinead
CJ
Susan
No
nominations
Barack
Mariah
Jeremy
Barack
Runner-up
Lance Jade
CJ
Banned Sinead
CJ
CJ
Susan
No
nominations
Jeremy
Mariah
Jeremy
Barack
3rd Place
Robbie Not in
house
Exempt Jeremy
Leona
4th Place
Jeremy Jade
CJ
Simon
Leona
Leona
Sinead
Oscar
CJ
No
nominations
Claude
Leona
Claude
Lance
Evicted
Day 49
Barack Jade
Claude
Banned Claude
Mariah
Claude
Susan
No
nominations
Claude
Mariah
Claude
Lance
Evicted
(Day 47)
Mariah Jade
Claude
Claude
Simon
Claude
Sinead
Claude
CJ
No
nominations
Claude
Barack
Evicted
(Day 42)
CJ Jade
Claude
Banned Claude
Leona
Claude
Susan
No
nominations
Evicted
(Day 35)
Susan Jade
Jeremy
Claude
Leona
Leona
Sinead
Claude
CJ
Evicted
(Day 28)
Sinead Jade
Claude
Leona
Simon
Claude
CJ
Evicted
(Day 21)
Simon Jade
CJ
Claude
Sinead
Evicted
(Day 14)
Jade Claude
CJ
Evicted
(Day 7)
Spongebob Ejected
(Day 5)
Shilpa Walked
(Day 5)
Against
public vote
CJ
Claude
Jade
Leona
Claude
Simon
Leona
Sinead
Susan
CJ
Mariah
CJ
Claude
Mariah
Barack
Jeremy
Barack
Claude
Lance
Leona

Robbie
Evicted Jade

96.6%
to evict

Simon

78.7%
to evict

Sinead

69.2%
to evict

Susan

46.7%
to save

CJ

69.2%
to evict

Mariah

56.3%
to evict

Barack

100%
to evict

Jeremy
0.2%
(out of 5)
Robbie
0.6%
(out of 4)
Lance
24%
(out of 3)
Leona
68%
(out of 2)
Claude
69%
(to win)


  • There were no nominations in week five. Instead, Big Brother gave an endurance challenge entitled "Locked in a room with Limburger." Claude spent the longest time in the limburger room, and won the right to choose the week's nominees.
  • Barack, Boris and CJ discussed nominations, so they were banned from nominating.

Current Season[edit]

You are now willing to pay 50p to affect the outcome of a dumb TV programme.

Contestants:

Next Season[edit]

Contestants:

New Season[edit]


Nomination Table[edit]

  Day 5 Day 10 Day 15 Day 20 Day 25 Day 30 Day 60 Finals (Day 69)
Gay Gordon
Patrick
Domo
Wikipedia
Albert
Goar
Liz
Borat
Evicted
Day 25
Patrick Not in House Bill
Gay
Banned Gay
Liz
Domo
Albert
Evicted
Day 30
Your Mom Stingray
Bill
Bill
Wikipedia
Patrick
Domo-Kun
Taz
Mufasa
Goar
Albert
Evicted
Day 50
Giratina Stingray
Bill
Your Mum
Your Dad
Patrick
Wikipedia
Taz
Mufasa
Goar
Your Mum
Vlad
Taz
No
Nominations
Bill Your Mom
Your Dad
Patrick
Gordon
Evicted
Day 12
Domo-Kun Stingray
Bill
Patrick
Himself
Not
Eligible
Patrick
Liz
DEAD!!!!!
Day 27
Gordon Stingray
Your Dad
Your Dad
Domo-Kun
Patrick
Mufasa
Banned Evicted
Day 34
Liz Stingray
Your Perverted Mom
Patrick
Domo-Kun
Domo-Kun
Gordon
Gordon
Goar
No
Nominations
Yeti
Elvis
Evicted
Day 41
Your Dad Domo-Kun
Stingray
Liz
Patrick
Patrick
Domo-Kun
Goar
Gordon
Banned Goar
Albert
Albert
Wikipedia
Goar Domo-Kun
Stingray
Your Perverted Dad
Your Bitchy Mom
!!
!!
Goar No
Nominations
Vlad
Elvis
No
Nominations
Shrek R
Elvis
George
Santa
No
Nominations
Homer
Santa
No
Nominations
Taz
Vlad
Exploded
Day 59
Santa Yeti
RavonX
Yeti
RavonX
No
Nominations
Yeti
--George--
No
Nominations
Evicted
Day 34
Snoopy Charles
RavonX
Evicted
Day 6
Taz George
Snoopy
George
RavonX
No
Nominations
Santa
Shrek
No
Nominations
Vlad
Yeti
No
Nominations
Charles RavonX
Snoopy
RavonX
George
No
Nominations
Evicted
Day 19
Against
public vote
RavonX
Snoopy
George
RavonX
Yeti
Charles
George
Yeti
Mufasa
De Horn
Yeti
All
Housemates
Taz
Vlad
Yeti
Elvis
Homer
Shrek
taz
Yeti
Evicted

45.7%
Snoopy to evict

67.9%
RavonXto evict

5.1%
Charlesto SAVE

86%
Mufasato evict

%
to evict

%76
Vladto evict

%8.1
Shrekto WIN


(Y)%19, %24 (T)
Yeti and Taz(out of 4)

%67
Evis(Runner up)

%99.5
Homer(TO WIN)

2008 Series[edit]

  • Lord Voldemort - Alien Evicted 1st
  • Hurricane Katrina - Hurricane Left the house because it wanted to cause Havoc.
  • Céline Dion - Professional Songwriter - Evicted 5th
  • Phil Collins - Professional Songwriter
  • Willy 'The Big Nigger' Wanker - Black, Gay Man
  • The Sissies (June Sissy, Victoria Sissy, Melina Sissy and Kimi Sissy) - Dirty Sluts 4RD PLACE IN THE FINAL
  • Mr. Barrence Herman - Evil Substitute Teacher Evicted 2nd
  • Mr. and Mrs. Penis - a Dirty Couple - Evicted 5th
  • Dumbledore - Gay Wizard - Evicted 6th
  • Joseph Gunya - An Idiot Evicted 3rd
  • Jar Jis Jse - A fat Lesbian Slug Evicted 4th
  • Kelly Kam Kam - A Lesbian - Evicted 5th
  • Jabba the Hutt - A Slug-Like Hutt 5TH PLACE IN THE FINAL
  • Al Gore 3RD PLACE IN THE FINALE
  • Claude Speed - Some Mute Bastard WINNER
  • Heath Ledger - sexy ass Brokeback mountain star♥♥♥ EVICTED 7th
  • Bold - Present
  • Italics - Evicted
  • Nominated*
  • Fake Evicted

Nominations Table[edit]

  Day 6 Day 12 Day 19 Day 26 Day 34 Day 41 Day 59 Finals (Day 60)
Mufasa Snoopy
RavonX
RavonX
George
No
Nominations
De Horn
Taz
Evicted
Day 26
De Horn Banned RavonX
R
No
Nominations
Taz
Mufasa
No
Nominations
Evicted
Day 34
Homer RavonX
Snoopy
RavonX
De Horn
Yeti
George
Charles
Taz
Mufasa
No
Nominations
Vlad
Taz
No
Nominations
RavonX Punished For Nominating
due to a Broken Rule
Banned Evicted
Day 12
George Banned Not
Enigible
No
Nominations
Mufasa
De Horn
Walked
Day 26
R RavonX
Snoopy
RavonX
Vlad
No
Nominations
Vlad
Mufasa
No
Nominations
Evicted
Day 34
Vlad De Horn
Snoopy
Yeti
Elvis
No
Nominations
De Horn
--George--
No
Nominations
Yeti
Elvis
Evicted
Day 41
Elvis RavonX
George
RavonX
George
No
Nominations
Yeti
Mufasa
No
Nominations
Vlad
Yeti
No
Nominations
Yeti Mufasa
Homer
RavonX
George
No
Nominations
De Horn
Mufasa
No
Nominations
Vlad
Elvis
No
Nominations
Shrek R
Elvis
George
Santa
No
Nominations
Homer
Santa
No
Nominations
Taz
Vlad
Exploded
Day 59
Santa Yeti
RavonX
Yeti
RavonX
No
Nominations
Yeti
--George--
No
Nominations
Evicted
Day 34
Snoopy Charles
RavonX
Evicted
Day 6
Taz George
Snoopy
George
RavonX
No
Nominations
Santa
Shrek
No
Nominations
Vlad
Yeti
No
Nominations
Charles RavonX
Snoopy
RavonX
George
No
Nominations
Evicted
Day 19
Against
public vote
RavonX
Snoopy
George
RavonX
Yeti
Charles
George
Yeti
Mufasa
De Horn
Yeti
All
Housemates
Taz
Vlad
Yeti
Elvis
Homer
Shrek
taz
Yeti
Evicted

45.7%
Snoopy to evict

67.9%
RavonXto evict

5.1%
Charlesto SAVE

86%
Mufasato evict

%
to evict

%76
Vladto evict

%8.1
Shrekto WIN


(Y)%19, %24 (T)
Yeti and Taz(out of 4)

%67
Evis(Runner up)

%99.5
Homer(TO WIN)


W1

  • De Horn and George were Disscussing Nominations, so they were banned from nominating
  • RavonX Was Punished from Nominating for Being Big Brother's Slave in the Dirty House Task

W2

  • George was not enigible for nominating because he failed a task
  • RavonX Was Banned for Discussing Nominations

W3

  • Homer Sucsessfully Passed a Task so he Got to nominate three Of His Fellow Housemates

W4

  • George's Votes were not Counted because he left the house

W5

  • The Housemates Failed a task so all of them face eviction
  • It Will Be a TRIPLE Eviction

January 2009 Series[edit]

Housemates-

File:Lol.bmp [[2]]

Controversy[edit]

  • The Public expected Mini-Me to win but Britney won, there was no error, she received 300,000,000% of the public vote.

Next Season[edit]

The show is slated to return in the Fall. Here are the contestants:

Nominations table[edit]

Notes[edit]

^ : As new housemates, John, Mr. Bean and Yoko could not nominate or be nominated in Week 5. During that week, they also could not be replaced in the Save and Replace task.

^ : Due to Max breaking the rule of discussing nominations, he was unable to nominate during week 6. Max and Mr. Bean were originally nominated but, as Max walked and John's nominations were voided by Big Brother due to him talking about nominations, Jenna, John and Mr. Bean were up for eviction. The Save and Replace task was abandoned due to John Voluntarily leaving shortly before the task, and the nominations initially remained unchanged. John decieded to leave the house on Day 42 and Week 6's eviction was cancelled shortly after.

^ : As new housemates, Cindy, Jack and Jerry could not nominate or be nominated in Week 7. During that week, they could not be replaced in the Save and Replace task. As a result of discussing nominations, Martina was banned from nominating and was automatically put up for eviction in Week 7, along with the two or more housemates who received the most nominations.

^ : As a new housemate, Sacha could not nominate or be nominated in Week 8. During that week, he could not be replaced in the Save and Replace task.

^ : As a result of talking about nominating Sacha in Week 9, Charlie, Ellen, and Martina were banned from nominating him that week. However, they could have still replaced themselves with Sacha if they had been nominated and won the Save and Replace task. Housemates nominated face-to-face in "Nasty Nominations" in the garden. To nominate, a housemate had to pour horrible substances over the two housemates they chose to nominate. As Martina discussed nominations, he could not participate in the Save and Replace task.

^ : On Day 66, housemates had one minute to decide together who to give a ticket to the final. They chose Charlie, therefore saving her from eviction in Week 10. All other housemates were then put up for the public vote. Had nominations taken place, Sacha would have been banned from nominating for discussing nominations. That week, four housemates were evicted in no particular order.

^ : For the final four days, the public were voting for the winner.

Celebrity Big Gonad Removal[edit]

When everyone realised that watching people made them break things, The Producers devised a concept of an educational show, in which they packed as many celebeutantes into a crack house under the pretence of an evening ego-wanking with Madonna, and would promptly be locked in the house, chained to various parts of the room by their dicks and cliteral strings, and told that they would have to Saw these offending body parts off to escape. A sceptical audience flocked in its millions to watch this, making it the first thing Education Secretary Ruth Kelly ever did right, and making her flog herself till she got a bit horny.

The celebutantes all managed to escape and were then provided with flamethrowers, bean sprouts and jews to slaughter each other for the goal of being "the MOST pointless celebrity possessing something pointy". Jude Sarpong and Vlad the Impala. Jade Goody and Jodie Marsh and another set of boobies and a wildebeest were for the rest of the show made to do real work—by assisting The Producers in their anti-Semitic genocide, and poked with cattle-prods. The Celebrity Big Brother Genre was thus reborn.

Trivia[edit]

Big Brother

Week 1 Week 2 Week 3 Week 4 Week 5 Week 6 Week 7 Week 8 Week 9 Week 10 Final
Week 11
Nominations received
Charlie Martina,
Rucka
Martina,
Susan
Martina,
Rucka
Kim,
Jenna
Josef,
Martina
Max,
Martina
Susan,
David
David,
George
Jack,
Yoko
No
nominations
Winner
(Day 77)
5
Martina Cheryl,
Colonel Gaddafi
Cheryl,
Janet
Janet,
Max
Josef,
Max
Josef,
Jenna
Max,
John
Banned George,
David
David,
Jerry
No
nominations
Runner-Up
(Day 77)
21
David Janet,
Jenna
Cheryl,
Janet
Jenna,
Janet
Jenna,
George
Charlie,
Max
Charlie,
Max
Susan,
George
Charlie,
Ellen
Martina,
Jack
No
nominations
Third Place
(Day 77)
12
Jack Not in
House
Exempt Mr. Bean,
George
George,
David
No
nominations
Fourth Place
(Day 77)
3
Yoko Not in
House
Exempt Jenna,
Mr. Bean
Mr. Bean,
George
Mr. Bean,
David
Sacha,
George
No
nominations
Fifth Place
(Day 77)
4
Ellen Colonel Gaddafi,
Janet
Max,
Janet
Susan,
Martina
Max,
Susan
Jenna,
Josef
John,
Jenna
Susan,
Yoko
Mr. Bean,
David
Jenna,
David
No
nominations
Evicted
(Day 73)
17
Sacha Not in
House
Exempt Martina,
Jerry
No
nominations
Evicted
(Day 73)
2
Jenna Max,
Rucka
Susan,
David
Ellen,
David
Max,
Ellen
Max,
Ellen
Max,
Mr. Bean
Mr. Bean,
Yoko
Mr. Bean,
Jerry
Sacha,
Jerry
No
nominations
Evicted
(Day 73)
11
George Rucka,
Janet
Cheryl,
Susan
Max,
Janet
Susan,
Ellen
Susan,
Ellen
Max
Mr. Bean
Ellen,
Charlie
Ellen,
Charlie
Jack,
David
No
nominations
Evicted
(Day 73)
12
Jerry Not in
House
Exempt Ellen,
Yoko
Jenna,
Martina
Evicted
(Day 66)
4
Mr. Bean Not in
House
Exempt Susan,
Max
Ellen,
Susan
David,
Ellen
Evicted
(Day 59)
9
Susan Janet,
Rucka
Cheryl,
Janet
Kim,
Janet
Josef,
Ellen
Josef,
George
Ellen,
George
George,
Ellen
Evicted
(Day 52)
Guest
(Day 71)
20
Cindy Not in
House
Exempt Walked
(Day 50)
N/A
John Not in
House
Exempt Max,
Ellen
Walked
(Day 42)
2
Max Rucka,
Martina
Rucka,
Susan
Martina,
Rucka
Kim,
Ellen
David,
Ellen
Banned Walked
(Day 42)
21
Josef Rucka,
George
Susan,
Martina
Martina,
Rucka
Ellen,
Susan
David,
Susan
Evicted
(Day 38)
9
Kim Janet,
Susan
Cheryl,
Susan
Max,
Martina
Max,
Ellen
Evicted
(Day 31)
Guest
(Day 71)
4
Janet Rucka,
Martina
Susan,
Martina
Rucka,
Martina
Walked
(Day 27)
15
Rucka Cheryl,
Janet
Max,
Josef
Max,
Janet
Evicted
(Day 24)
18
Cheryl Rucka,
Martina
Martina,
Susan
Evicted
(Day 17)
7
Colonel Gaddafi Martina,
Cheryl
Evicted
(Day 10)
Guest
(Day 71)
2
Nomination
note
none See
note 1
See
note 2
See
note 3
See
note 4
See
note 5
See
note 6
See
note 7
Nominations
(pre-save and replace)
Janet,
Martina,
Rucka
Cheryl,
Janet,
Martina,
Susan
Janet,
Martina,
Rucka
Ellen,
Max
Jenna,
Max,
Josef
Jenna,
John,
Mr. Bean
Ellen,
George,
Martina,
Susan
David,
Ellen,
Mr. Bean
David,
Jack,
Jerry,
Martina
none none
Saved Martina Janet Martina Max Max Task abandoned and nominations voided George David David Charlie
Against public vote Colonel Gaddafi,
Janet,
Rucka
Cheryl,
David,
Martina,
Susan
Janet,
Max,
Rucka
Ellen,
Kim
David,
Jenna,
Josef
Ellen,
Martina,
Susan,
Yoko
Ellen,
Martina,
Mr. Bean
Jack,
Jerry,
Martina,
Sacha
David,
Ellen,
George,
Jack,
Jenna,
Martina,
Sacha,
Yoko
Charlie,
David,
Jack,
Martina,
Yoko
Walked none Janet none Max,
John
Cindy none
Evicted Colonel Gaddafi
81.7%
to evict
Cheryl
70.1%
to evict
Rucka
53.0%
to evict
Kim
87.0%
to evict
Josef
93.5%
to evict
Eviction
cancelled
Susan
44.0%
to evict
Mr. Bean
58.5%
to evict
Jerry
40.4%
to evict
George
9.8%
to evict
Yoko
0.1%
(out of 5)
Jack
4.5%
(out of 5)
Jenna
20.6%
to evict
David
5.1%
(out of 5)
Martina
9.1%
(out of 5)
Sacha
14.6%
to evict
Ellen
34.2%
to evict
Charlie
77.5%
to win