Celebrity Deathmatch/Season7

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Episode Fight Featuring Winner Cause of Death
Stephen Colbert Fight Night III: The Season 7 Opener Stephen Colbert vs. Naruto No Winner Naruto: (Doesn't Die) Used his ninja skills to hide in the arena. Believe it! (He made us say that... Crazy little runt)
Stephen Colbert vs. Black Knight Stephen Colbert Black Knight:(Doesn't Die) Arms and legs were cut off and was left for dead by Stephen Colbert. The Black Knight momentarily bleeds to death, muttering something about "I'll... bite...your legs...off...!
Stephen Colbert vs. A Tank Naruto and Black Knight Stephen Colbert and Black Knight The Tank: Stephen Colbert repeatedly stomped on it until it was immobilized and unable to attack.

Naruto: After Stephen Colbert crushed the tank, Stephen picked it up to throw it at Naruto. Naruto tried to run away, but he tripped over the Black Knight's torso. He is them crushed under the weight of the tank.

Comical Strip Relief Dilbert vs. Jon Garfield Dilbert Jon: Dilbert smashes his face into a computer monitor.

Garfield: (Doesn't die, actually, he doesn't do anything for that matter.)

Calvin vs. Hobbes Snoopy Hobbes and Snoopy Calvin: Gunned down by Snoopys dog-house airplane.
Snoopy vs. Garfield Charlie Brown and Woodstock Snoopy Woodstock: When Charile Brown was running to kick the football Garfield was holding, he accidently stepped on Woodstock.

Garfield: Head bitten off Osbourne-style by Snoopy.

Charlie Brown: After Snoopy saw what he did to Woodstock, he tied Charile to a kite, Charile Brown flew into the sky and he was hit by lightning.

The Super Smash Bros. Brawl Part 1 Master Hand vs. Mario, Link,Ness, Luigi, Donkey Kong, Captain Falcon, Pikachu, and Yoshi Crazy Hand, Wario, Solid Snake, and Ash Ketchum Master Hand Yoshi: Wario hit Yoshi on the back of his head, causing him to release his tongue, which reeled in Pikachu. He swallowed Pikachu, but was electrocuted from the inside, causing his stomach to explode.

Pickachu: Captured by Ash Ketchum.

Mario: Doesn't die, limps out of the arena (to turn into Dr. Mario).

Crazy Hand: Taken to a mental institution.

Wario: Mario throws an uppercut, hitting Wario hard enough to send him flying into the lights. Wario is electrocuted by them on contact.

Captain Falcon: Solid Snake, who was hiding in the arena in a cardboard box, jumped out and surprised Captain Falcon, causing him to go mentally insane. Captain Falcon, confused and hostile, started to attack his own teammates. Solid Snake put an end to this with a few rounds to the head.

Donkey Kong: Master Hand squeezed him until his head popped off.



The Super Smash Bros. Brawl Part 2 Master Hand vs. Dr. Mario, Link, Solid Snake, Samus Aran, Fox McCloud, Kirby, Jigglypuff, Ice Climbers, Roy, Marth, Mr. Game & Watch, Bowser, and Ganondorf Pit, Ash Ketchum, and Master Chief Master Hand Fox McCloud: On his way to the fight, he was shot down by Samus Aran, who mistook him for an enemy fighter.

Ice Climbers: Eaten by Bowser.

Jigglypuff: Captured by Ash Ketchum.

Mr. Game & Watch: Master Hand opened a portal and threw him into the world of next-gen gaming. He entered the world of Halo and was accidentally shot by Master Chief.

Bowser: Died of a drug overdose thanks to Dr. Mario.

Ash Ketchum: Swallowed whole by Kirby.

Ganondorf: Shot in the head with silver arrows by Link.

Roy and Marth: (Don't Die) Acciedently hit by Pits magic arrows, they fall in love, and leave the arena to go on a date.

The Super Smash Bros. Brawl The Finale Master Hand vs. Dr. Mario, Link, Solid Snake, Pit and Samus Aran Metal Gear Rex Solid Snake Mario: No evidence that he died. Master Hand picked him up and threw him out of the arena.

Everyone but Solid Snake and Mario: In the middle of the fight, Metal Gear Rex stormed into the building and set off a nuclear strike. Luckily, Solid Snake had enough time to jump into his indestructible cardboard box. Link, who was the secondary target, used his Mirror Shield to reflect the attack back on Metal Gear Rex. When Solid Snake got out of the box and when Link stood up out of his defensive position, many piles of ash replaced the audience members. They had all been disintegrated by Metal Gear Rex's nuclear attack. Link and Solid Snake never spoke of the incident ever again.

Cuddly Animals vs. Pimpy Humans Part 1 Giggles (from Happy Tree Friends) vs. Chucklez The Clown Flippy (from Happy Tree Friends) Flippy and Capitain Nascimento Giggles and Chucklez The Clown: When Flippy encounters two opponents battling each other, he become insane, and turns evil. He rips open their stomachs with knives and pulls it out, tying their throats, and impales it with a piano stool through their torsos and capt. nascimento does say to Flippy: O senhor 02! vamo embrora porque eh hoje que meu filho vai nascer!!!!!!!!
Ratchet vs. John Cena Clank Ratchet John Cena: Head sliced off by Ratchet's Omniwrench 8000.
Flippy vs. Hip E. Stephen Colbert and Capitain Nascimento Stephen Colbert and Capitain Nascimento Hip E.: Neck ripped and bitten open by Flippy after failing to summon Moonbeam from the grave.

Flippy: Stabbed into the the head (and through his brain) by Capitain Nascimento, and he said: VC, FLIPPY, ERA MULEKE, M-U-L-E-K-E!!!!!! SEU FANFARRÃO! TIRA ESSA P(*) DESSE QUEPE E ESSA ROUPA DE EXERCÍTO QUE TÚ NAUM ERA CAVEIRA!!!!! QUEM EH HOMEM USA PRETO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FANFARRÃO DA P(*)!

Cuddly Animals vs. Pimpy Humans The Final Stephen Colbert vs. Taco Bell Chihuahua Stephen Colbert Candy Seller: Stabbed in the eye by a shard of glass.

Taco Bell Chihuahua: (Accidental suicide) Drank poison water (which was from GTA: Vice City, which he thought that the water tasted great), causing his heart circulatory system to shrink and explode.

Brandon The Skunk vs. Shawn Micheals Stephen Colbert Brandon The Skunk Stephen Colbert: Suffocated after Brandon lays a stink bomb (which is highly contagious) at his face. (Does not actually die)

Shawn Micheals: Genitals ripped out by Brandon The Skunk.

Blaze the Cat vs. Tommy Lee Tommy Vercetti Blaze the Cat Tommy Lee: Slashed his own head with a barbed wire after accidentally receiving the "suicide hangman" sign from Tommy Vercetti (Tommy Vercetti was slicing a meat stack, which he thought it was Sonny Forelli).
SuperVideoGame DeathSmash (Or SVG DS) Shigeru Miyamoto vs. Ken Kutagari (rematch) Shigeru Miyamoto Ken Kutagari: His zombies were tricked by Shigeru (because Ken has never sold any of his games) and his eyeballs were gouged out and his brain was devoured by his own zombies.
Dr. Eggman vs. Bowser Dr. Eggman Bowser: After sharing insults with Dr. Eggman (he even called Eggman, Dr. "Hard boiled" Eggman), Dr. Eggman blows up his ship and evacuates, leaving him behind. The ship explodes (after finalizing the countdown) into smoldering frames of metal . The death occurred off-screen, but a burning, charred corpse is shown afterwards.
Captain Qwark vs. Mega Man Captain Qwark Mega Man: He accidentaly commits suicide by walking past his stepmother's weapon cabinets. He shoots himself with a Deluxe Gamma Laser, a Plasma Blaster and finally, a Napalm Minigun. His bodies were unseen, but his remains were shown afterwards.
Video Game Vengeance XIII Dante vs. Paper Mario Dante Paper Mario: Torn in half like a paper.
Bloodrayne vs. Samus Aran Samus Aran Bloodrayne: Head disintegrated by Samus's Hyper Beam.
Johnny Cage vs. Reptile PlayStation 3 (as a guest referee) Reptile Johnny Cage: Trapped in a bird cage, then melted into charred metal by a volcano.
For the love of God, nobody Panic! Aziz Ansari vs. Rob Huebel vs. Paul Scheer Cyclops Cyclops Rob Huebel: Suffered a mind explosion.

Paul Scheer: Stepped on by the Cyclops.

Aziz Ansari: Baked into a bread and eaten by the Cyclops.

Scarecrow vs. Tinman vs. Cowardly Lion Tinman Scarecrow: Burned alive by the Tinman, who was keeping a flamethrower stashed in his stomach "in case of an emergency".

Cowardly Lion: Multiple axes thrown into his back by the Tinman.

Panic! At The Disco vs. Panic! on the Titanic (Special Naval Battle. P!ONT had the Titanic and P!ATD had some boat.) Leonardo DiCaprio (On the Titanic) and Captain Jack Sparrow Captain Jack Sparrow Panic! At The Disco: Killed in the firey explosion or drowned when Captain Jack Sparrow sank their ship.

Leonardo DiCaprio: Head cut off by Captain Jack Sparrow.

Panic! on the Titanic: All gunned down when Jack's crew raided their ship.

The Sweet Spot User: vs. Will Smith Robot Will Smith Robot: (Accidental suicide) Stepped on a puddle, electrocuting and exploding him.

User: After talking to Will Smith using very poor grammar skills, Smith snaps off his lower jaw and slices him up with a chainsaw. He then uses his vaporizer from "Men in Black" (which, according to the post-fight interview he had with Stacy Cornbred, was "NOT at all a prop") to reduce User talk: to dust.

Mick Foley vs. Mike Myers Mike Myers Mick Foley: Mike controlls his deadly toy robot, and slaughters him to death with a pushrod.
Mario and Luigi vs. Wario and Waluigi Yoshi Mario, Luigi and Yoshi Wario: Eaten by Yoshi after dressing up as a cupcake, then turned into an egg and thrown at a random audience member.

Waluigi: Punched through the ears by Mario and Luigi, causing his brain to pop out.

Comedy Central David Spade vs. Joel McHale Joel McHale David Spade: Banana Phone shoved down throat.
Dane Cook vs. Andrew Dice Clay User:The vader hybrid User:The vader hybrid Dane Cook and Andrew Dice Clay: The vader hybrid threw a grenade in between both of them, and it blew them to bits.
Stephen Colbert vs. Jon Stewart vs. Dave Chappelle vs. Carlos Mencia Stephen Colbert Dave Chappelle: (Doesn't Die) Carlos Mencia threatned all of the combatants that after he killed them, he would steal their comedy material. So, Dave ran away to South Africa.

Jon Stewart: (Doesn't Die) He is also intimidated by the Menica beast and changes his name and flees the country.

Carlos Mencia: Stephen Colbert cut the ropes supporting the spotlight above the arena and the light falls and crushes Carlos Mencia.

Food, Rock, and n00bs III Ice Cream Truck Driver vs. Pizza Delivery Guy Ice Cream Truck Driver Pizza Delivery Guy: Brain scooped out with an ice cream scooper.
Kerry King vs. Dave Matthews MAD TV Writer (Audience Member) and a devoted Slayer mosh pit Kerry King Dave Matthews: Kerry King ordered the mosh pit to destroy him, and the mosh pit tore him to pieces.

MAD TV Writer: Neck snapped by Kerry King when he jokingly called Slayer, "Gayer".

4 N00blets vs. Kevin Pereira The Slayer mosh pit Kevin Pereira Two of the N00blets: Kevin threw them into the mosh pit and they were trampled to death.

One of the N00blets: Kevin crushed him between two arcade machines.

One of the N00blets: Electrocuted by loose wires from one of Kerry Kings amps.

Canyon Death's Edge Ron Jeremy vs. Stephen Colbert Tommy Vercetti (as a guest referee) Ron Jeremy Random Audience Member: Chest sliced off by a machete after attempting to insult Tommy Vercetti.

Stephen Colbert: Eyes pecked out by a chicken-"cock" used by Ron Jeremy. (Does not actually die)

Gordon Freeman vs. Jeff Gordon Jeff Gordon Candy Seller: Impaled through the forehead by a crowbar.

Gordon Freeman: Ran over by a stock car driven by Jeff Gordon. (Does not actually die)

Silver the Hedgehog vs. Vince McMahon Sonic the Hedgehog Sonic the Hedgehog Vince McMahon: Ripped in half to the torso by Silver's telekinetic powers. Silver the Hedgehog: Laughed to death after seeing Sonic holding a sword.
Video Game Vengeance 20X6 Megaman X vs. Sigma The Green Biker Dude(Sigma plays a joke by reprograming his bike and now he can't control it) The Green Biker Dude Megaman X and Sigma: Accidently ran over by The Green Biker Dude.
Ryu vs. Scorpion The Green Biker Dude Ryu The Green Biker Dude: Ryu saw The Green Biker Dude coming at him, so he forcefully punched the front of the bike. This caused The Green Biker Dude to fly off and he was smashed against a wall.

Scorpion: Ryu picked up The Green Biker Dudes' bike and slammed it on him.

A Guy Playing Guitar Hero vs. A Guy Playing Dance Dance Revolution The Guy Playing Guitar Hero The Guy Playing Dance Dance Revolution: His legs snapped off after an extreme session of DDR. Then, the Guitar Hero guy used the guitar controller and batted his head off.
3 Times 3 Moe vs. Larry vs. Curly Moe Larry: Skull crushed when he was sat on by Curly.

Curly: After Moe blinded Curly with the famous Three Stooges Eye Poke, Moe used Larry's rib bones and stabbed them into Curly's throat.

The vader hybrid vs. XxPanzerOutlawxx vs. The vader hybrid and XxPanzerOutlawxx The vader hybrid removed his intestines while XxPanzerOutlawxx tore out his brain.
Rock vs. Paper vs. Scissors No Winner Rock, Paper, and Scissors: They all ran into each other at the same time and exploded.
Incredibly Hulked Super Car vs. Super Sonic Super Sonic Super Car: Ran out of fuel before it reached torawrds the finish line before Super Sonic.
Stephen Colbert vs. Steven Seagal Steven Spielberg Stephen Colbert Steven Seagal: Ponytail hair trimmed off by Stephen Colbert's barber scissor, causing him his brain system to expand and explode.
Hulk Hogan vs. The Incredible Hulk Hulk Hogan The Incredible Hulk: Head smashed inside the skyscraper building by Hulk Hogan's "Hulkamania!" smash.
Dreamy Stage Austin Powers vs. Sean Connery Austin Powers Sean Connery: Took too many tranquilizer darts to the head. The overdose of tranquilizer causes Connery's brain to stop functioning.

Austin Powers: Accidentaly drops his favorite rod, causing the chandelier to fall and crush him.

PlayStation 3 vs. Wii PlayStation 2 PlayStation 3 and Wii: PlayStation 3 uses it's SIXAXIS controller and smashes the Wii's nunchuks, while the PlayStation 2 threw it's CDs into Wii's slot, causing a long loading time, asnd it's circuitry explodes.
Superman vs. Lex Luthor Tommy Vercetti Tommy Vercetti Superman: His powers were completely weakened by a kryptonite held by Lex Luthor.

Lex Luthor: Impaled through the stomach by one of the helicopter blades thrown by Tommy Vercetti

The One With All The Millonaires Bill Gates vs. Donald Trump Donald Trump Bill Gates: Donald Trump "Fired" him with a flamethrower.
Gene Simmons vs. Steve Jobs Gene Simmons Steve Jobs: Impaled through the brain by Gene's long tounge.
Gene Simmons vs. Donald Trump Rosie O'Donnell Gene Simmons Donald Trump: Eaten alive by Rosie.

Rosie O'Donnell: Sucked into Gene Simmons' wallet (which is an infinite vortex)

Food, Rock, and (no) n00bs IV A Soda Vending Machine vs. A Snack Vending Machine The Soda Vending Machine The Snack Vending Machine: Glass was broken when the Soda Vending Machine shot out pop cans.
Ozzy Osbourne vs. Ronnie James Dio Ozzy Osbourne Ronnie James Dio: Head bitten off by Ozzy Osbourne, then it was flushed down the toilet.
Adam Sessler vs. Kevin Pereira Kevin Pereira Adam Sessler: While Adam went off on one of his famous rants, complaning about that there are too many WWII games on the market and that the PSP would've been better off with two analog sticks instead of one (No Shit Sherlock), this gave Kevin enough time to run home, get a chainsaw, and insert it into Adams' stomach.
Super Deathmatch Royale (Season Finale) Entire Celebrities Jack Frost (as a guest referee) Tommy Vercetti, Carl "CJ" Johnson, Toni Cipriani, Stephen Colbert, Sonic the Hedgehog, Silver the Hedgehog, Samuel L. Jackson, Mario, Luigi, PlayStation 3, Capitain Nascimento, Iori Yagami and Chuck Norris Random Audience Member: Sniped through the head by Stephen Colbert's laser scoped sniper.

Dr. Eggman: Turned into a giant egg and eaten by Sonic and Silver.

Salvatore Leone: Brain pulled out by a fish hook thrown by Lance Vance.

Headcrabs: Blinded and killed when they see Lance Vance perform his "Lance Vance Dance".

Reptile: Eaten alive by his own pet giant serpent.

Duke Nukem: Ears exploded, causing excessive blood loss after Samuel L. Jackson repeatedly said the word "fuck" many times.

Master Hand: There is no evidence that he died. He was batted out of the park by Mario's baseball bat.

Lance Vance and Victor Vance: Tied up together, shoves dynamites all over their mouths by Tommy Vercetti, then exploded into smithereens.

Spider-Man: Stephen Colbert sprays Spider-Man with "Raid" spray (the label says it can kill spiders), burning Spider-Man's flesh to the bone and killing him..

Rayman: Since he has no arms legs or neck (his head, hands and feet float somehow), Mario and Luigi both get Ice Flowers and freeze Rayman's body parts. Mario then gets out the giant hammer he used in Donkey Kong and smashes the frozen body parts to bits.

Fish & Chips Vendor: Face ripped off by a live shark.

Jay-Z: Crushed by a giant platinum necklace.

Baraka: Carl "CJ" Johnson makes him swallow 56 gallons of paint, causing him to throw-up his remains. Carl then rips his neck open with a potato peeler.

User: After failing to persuade anyone to let him win by begging like a whiny baby, Silver gets annoyed into insane brutality. He uses his telepathic powers to slice off the top of User talk:'s skull and turns him upside-down. This causes User talk:'s brain to fall out.

Xbox: PlayStation 3 inserted one of it's PS3 games into the Xbox's slot, and it causes it to malfunction and overheat excessively.

Officer Tanner: Toni Cipriani pushes him out of the plane, causing him to skydive. The force of the wind speed peels off his skin, causing Tanner to land as a mangled and bloody pile on the ground.

Beavis & Butt-head: (Kill themselves) Due to their idiotic catchphrases, they beat each other to death until they fall into the volcano where they are burned alive.

Several Audience Members: Genitals cut off by a knife that acts as a bommerang by Tommy Vercetti.

Jack Frost: Melted into a puddle with Fire Flowers by Mario and Luigi after failing to compliment them.