Celtic

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Celtic trains often to maintain the high standards that have been associated throughout the club's history

“Up ra Shellik. um pyoor Irish cos ahv drunk a pint ahv Guinness.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Sellik

Once upon a time Sellik FC were a a swimming club from Ireland AKA Scotland . Now Known As Celtic Fenian F.C, they are the best football team in the history of football. They always hump the rangers, who are the worst, and win everything. The Celtic anthem is "We're Great, And We Know We Are".

Season 06-07[edit]

In the 2006-2007 seasons, Celtic easily held off the challenge of the scum bear, holding rangers by the bollocks and beating them around the place, while rangers hit back with their "structured skills" . This tactic worked so comprehensively, given the Papal conspiracy's successful installation of Paul le Guen as Glasgow Boonsooker's manager, that Celtic were secretly awarded the league trophy in a champions ceremony in late November 2006, for the remainder of the season Celtic fielded a team of doubles to give the real stars a rest and still managed to hold rangers off. These counterfeit McGeadys, Nakamuras and Lennon’s, in spite of their limited football ability, were more than capable of maintaining

MY NAME IS JAMES AND I HAVE A EXTREMELY LARGE COCK... FUCK ME BITCH :D

Honours[edit]

Ranga of the year.

Irish War of Independence 1921

Can make a successful nativity play unlike the bollox of a team Rangers. Celtic can actually find 3 wise men and a virgin while rangers are still tryin to sign that owl cunt weir for another season but he fears if he doesn't leave now he'll never get a pension and even if he doesn't he'll still have his pride and glory. His trophy which reads oldest man ever to kick a ball please just leave you old scum bag before u fall and break your hip and never recover.

Better than Pollock- 1888 - current

European Cup- 1967 (Inter actually won the game but jinky went back to his days of house breaking and managed to blag it before anyone had noticed)

SPL (shite premier league) champions- loads of times . we hadty let rangers win more than us honest !

Other jokes...

Q: What do Rangers fans and mushrooms got in common? A: They both sit in the dark and feed on nothing but crap.


Dick Advocat was caught for speeding on his way to Murray Park today. "I'll do anything for 3 points", he said when questioned


Q: How many Rangers fans does it take to change a light bulb? A: Don't matter, cos they're all condemned to eternal darkness anyway.


Alex McLeish was going to the Gers halloween party as a pumpkin. Come midnight he still hadn't turned into a coach.


Barry 'the Bazman' Ferguson walks into a bar with a pile of dog crap in his hand and says to the bartender...'Look what I nearly trod in!!'


Q: How is a pint of milk different then a hun? A: If you leave the milk out for a week it develops a culture!


Q: What's the difference between a Hun and a sperm? A: At least a sperm has one chance in 5 million of becoming a human being.

See Also[edit]


Scottish Premier League, 2008-2009
Celtic · Rangers · Heart of Midlothian · Aberdeen FC · Inverness · Livingston · Bathgate · Norway · Falkirk FC · Hibs · AC Milan · Scotland · Yer Da · Dunfermline · Ayr United · Texas Rangers · Manchester United

aye ya fuckin celtic pricks