Central African Republic

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Central African Republic
CAR
Motto: If it moves we fuck it.
Anthem: "The HIV song"
Central African Reublic.jpg General probable location of the Central African Republic


Capital Nignosia
Largest city Bananaville
Official languages A multitude of barbarous black tongues including UmBongo, Jumanji, Mokele Mbeme, Nig Nagga.
Government What the fucks a government?
President King Mooncricket III
National Heroes Shaka Zulu, Chewbacca
Exports Golly Wogs, Human shit and Ivory Dildos
Independence If that means dying of hunger, AIDS inflicted, war torn and eating of dead rhinos then yes
Currency Mango's, Hyena dicks and Baboon muff
Religion The sacred God of Nightfighter
Population 200 million niggers, 500,000 apes ( The Government strongly urges the young men of the country to stop breeding with the local gorillas and Chimpanzees as it is creating a super ape far more intelligent than local coon kids. They can write and walk upright and can create fire which if allowed to grow in numbers could drag our backward shit country into the 21st century which is the last thing we would want)
Flag of CAR

The Central African Repuplic is a shit smelling, AIDS infected wilderness somewhere in the middle of Africa. It is regarded as the most backward and poorest nation on earth where pastimes include stoning people to death, rutting dead giraffes and driving carriages dragged by Lions with square wheels. The country lives in constant darkness as fire has not yet been invented and the people literally have to see with their eyes and teeth. Most walk around on all fours. This either has do with rickets or the fact that they are literally monkeys who don't enjoy standing upright or writing but prefer peeling banana's with their feet and smearing excrement on each other in wild nig-nog orgies.

History[edit]

The original kingdom of the Central African Republic was Nignagga. A fine kingdom established in 1286. Ruled by the very strong and able royal line of the Wogbanna, the Nignagga began to expand their influence over many miles of jungles and savannah. They destroyed their enemies in the usual African manner of having them fucked to death by gorillas. This was where the vile HIV virus began and would also bring the downfall of the Kingdom of Nignagga.

In 1344, the Nignagga began to expand against the Monkeymen of the Humid forests of the south. These Monkeymen were a coalition of Chimps, Gorillas and mutants of nigger and monkey parentage. The armies of the Nignagga found their enemy waiting for them near the delta where the rivers of Mango-anal meet. The Nignagga were armed with spears, shields and Ivory swords. They also had a veteran contingent of Zebra cavalry led by Jigabogo who would later establish the Denzil Washington line.

The monkeys were outmatched and outclassed by their northern enemy. They were armed only with rocks, sticks and piles of chimp shit. The initial assault of the Nignagga saw the Monekys throw down their weapons and beg for mercy in various hoots and cries. They of course were shown no mercy as they were ruthlessly hacked down. The Monkey coalition ran for the jungle to make a gallant last stand in their huts and tree houses. The now blood lusted northerners ran amok and what would later be known as the "All eyes and teeth" massacre which would go down in infamy in African history. The Monkey men, women and children were rounded up and then mass gangraped and sodomised. They were then shoved en masse into the river delta to be ripped apart by the Crocodile and Hippo allies of Nignagga.

Sadly this mass raping session infected the entire army with Super AIDS. A horrendous condition making the deaths much more rapid but even more agonising. The whole city of Wanksnest and outlying provinces was infected. The city would eventually be taken by The Saharan Anit-HIV League in 1367. The AIDS riddled defenders could barely hold their weapons as their great Capital of Wanksnest was horrendously sacked and burnt to the ground. The Saharan sadly though raped the inhabitants and also died in agony. The bodies were later eaten by Ivory coast raiders.


Economy[edit]

The Mango and Zebra stripes are used mostly as are Baboon muff and Hyena dicks. The country has no use of Gold or silver and usually if this is found they usually either eat it and die of lead poisoning or make their houses out of it. The latter is something they would regret when a British taskforce of 100 men arrived in 1786. The local jigs welcomed the visitors and the visitors waved back with a few musket volleys. The gold and silver was stacked and boarded with the 10,000 coon natives dead were left to rot in the sun.

The British returned and took over the country in 1889. The Battle of Elephant field in 1870 was when the final stand of the local niggers was ended as 800,000 stood against 12 Gatling guns, 150 soldiers and 3 King Kongs which were allied to the British cause. After 12 minutes the battles was over as 600,000 wogs lay dead with no British casualties. The Kongs were established as military police to control any local troublemakers, if there were any fucking left.

The population are usually raiders of some sort with wanton robbery being the main choice of income. Slavery is also a vital economy booster as thousands of black faces are sold to Europeans. Only recently as last week was 45,000 sold to the American Gladiator Group to fight in huge arenas against Wild animals where all of them died within 5 days.

There are also several European trading posts. Most blacks have no money so the sale of anal or cunt is high for a chocolate bar or a can of red bull. Also a new law introduced says that if 3 or more blacks stand around and talk anywhere near a 3 mile walk of the trading posts, a helicopter full with militia will fly over and machine gun them to death. This recent act was vetoed by the UN in 2006.

Food[edit]

The major diet of the country is usually Human shit stew with a few toe nails washed down with a warm glass of piss. The food is scare but is a great way of dieting to the point of death which keeps the population down below the 300 million mark.

The only McDonald's restaurant created was destroyed in 1989 by witchdoctors who believed Ronald was trying to be a God. Rest assured those Witchdoctors were found, battered, shot and then hung as an example not to fuck around.

Most of the food contain strong elements of AIDS and bowel cancer so eating it isn't advised but we won't tell the African that.

Naming of Central African Republic[edit]

The nation of Central African Republic was named in a three minute long conference between Forrest Gump and Captain Obvious.

The Sodomy Law[edit]

The only law ever established in this shit country is the Sodomy act of 1899 in which it is perfectly legal to commit anal battery anywhere in public at any time. In fact if the victim cries or screams during the ordeal they are the ones punished most often by death, usually by being fucked to death.

Geography[edit]

The place has jungles, rivers, a few rocks, you know, the usual shit. Not worth giving a fuck about.


Demographics[edit]

  • Ethnic groups: Niggers 87%, Monkeys, Baboons and chimps 8%, slave traders 3%, Medicine Men 2%
  • Wealth breakdown: European investors 95%, Arab Slave networks 3%, Chimp Alliance and Leicester 2%
  • Religions: Various Heathism 50%, Shrine of Sidney Poitier 25%, Wogism 20%, The cult of Sodomiah 5%
  • Languages: Grunting 40%, Screaming 25%, Chimp noises 25%, other nigger dialects 5%
  • Disease ridden populace: AIDS 50%, Cancer 20%, Yellow Fever 20%, The Black Death 10%