Ceres

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“Just 'cause you all round 'n shit you think you can roll wit' us, foo?”

~ Mars on Ceres

“Shut up and make me a sandwich, bitch!”

~ Ceres on Mars
Ceres, the arch enemy of Pluto

Ceres is the only Dwarf planet in the asteroid belt, being larger and way more bad-ass than all of the other asteroids bundled together using duct tape. It is the sworn arch-nemesis of Pluto.

Exploration of Ceres[edit]

The first planned mission to Ceres was originally the Palmolive spacecraft, set to visit Ceres in 2013, though when it came to light that 4 out of 5 dermatologists preferred Dawn to Palmolive, NASA switched over to the Dawn spacecraft which will reach Ceres in 2015 after having a one-night stand with her younger, sluttier sister Vesta in 2011.

History of Ceres and Feud with Pluto[edit]

When Ceres was first discovered, it was the only object with an orbit between Mars and Jupiter and was immediately hailed as a new planet, and rightfully so. They had parades in her honor, and brought her gifts of oxen and sent young nubile maidens off to Ceres to pleasure her.

Meanwhile, back in Rome, the god Pluto was like, "WTF? How come I don't get a planet named after me? I'm the god of the freakin' dead, that ho just grows plants and shit." Neptune, who at that time also did not have a planet named after him, tried to calm him down and tell Pluto to be patient, but he wouldn't listen, and instead started chucking rocks into the sky out of spite.

Eventually, these rocks started to collect in the region between the planets Mars and Jupiter, and mortal astronomers saw them with their fancy science tools, and were all like, "Hey, look at all this other crap. I guess Ceres wasn't a planet after all. It was just a lousy space rock!"

About a hundred years later (give or take), some dude by some total freak coincidence saw a rock in the middle of nowhere, decided it was a planet, and named it Pluto. Ceres was like, "you asshole! First you rape my daughter and now this humiliation!" The evil "planet" Pluto just cackled and taunted Ceres, and invited the other planets over for cards and made sure to let Ceres know that she wasn't invited. This made Ceres cry, and the tears floated out to the edge of the solar system where they froze and formed what is now the Kupier Belt.

Like another hundred years later, the astronomers on Earth saw all of these frozen ice chunks along with Pluto and realized that Pluto had been playin' them all along. That foo' was no planet!

A bunch of Elementary School teachers, too proud to admit to their whiny little snot 8-year-old students that a grownup was wrong about something, lobbied to preserve Pluto's status as a planet, and a compromise was reached wherein both Ceres and Pluto were assigned the new intermediate rank of Dwarf planet, and Ceres was like, "Nyah!" and the two dwarf planets have hated each others' guts ever since.

Mudkip also inhabits this planet! You like Mudkip? Fuck yeah you do!

Tourist Attractions on Ceres[edit]

Being a Dwarf planet, Ceres is rich in Dwarf culture, such as malt beer and red meat on the bone. (And they call it a mine -- a MINE!)

Famous Cererians[edit]


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            Planets
Confirmed (Solar System): Sun | Mercury | Venus | Earth (The Moon) | Mars | Jupiter | Saturn | Uranus | Neptune
Confirmed (Extrasolar): Darwin IV | Discworld | Milky Way | Planet of the Apes | Planet Google | Planet Hollywood | Pizza Planet | Skaylia | Destopius | Techneta | Roseanne | 55 Cancri e
Dwarf planets: Pluto | 2003 UB313 | Jay Leno's Chin | Xanax
Unconfirmed: Garnox | Mantoobia | Unicron
Denied by CIA and IAU: Neopia | MyAnus | YourAnus
In a galaxy far, far away: Alderaan | Coruscant | Tatooine | Kamino | Endor | Naboo | Bespin | Death Star
Members of the Federation: Vulcan | Qo'noS
Invisible Planets: