Cetacean Levees Theory
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| This article concerns cetaceans, those cuddly little demon-beasts from the depths. Note: If you are searching for the Porpoise of Life, you just might find it here. |
The Cetacean Levees Theory, often called the Dolphin Conspiracy, is a theory regarding the failure of the levees at New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina. While some have proposed that the Ku Klux Klan or other white supremacist organizations blew the levees, others have come forth with this theory: these people postulate that the levees were indeed destroyed intentionally, but not by the KKK. Specifically, these people argue that the levees were blown by cetaceans (dolphins, killer whales) with explosives strapped to their backs, instructed to demolish the levees on orders of the Russians.
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[edit] Hurricane Katrina
Although the motives for the Russians to carry out such an attack are still undetermined, the evidence for the proposed sequence of events is striking.
- Prior to the devastation, a boat was seen off of Mobile Bay, Alabama, whose crew seemed to be wearing combat fatigues, and seemed to attract the attention of local bottlenose dolphins.
- Many locals heard explosions when the levees burst, but some heard the familiar squeal of dolphins as well.
- After much of the flooding was reduced, a negative from a waterproof security camera captured the haunting image of an orca. No explosives are visible, causing critics to believe that the "evidence" was just circumstantial.
- Less than a week after the hurricane hit, marine biologists noted a significant drop in the cetacean population, not just in the areas affected by the hurricane, but in the entire Gulf of Mexico.
[edit] Accusations Spread
Weeks after the destruction in New Orleans, Vladimir Putin, the Russian President himself, came to the United States to assure President Bush that Russia partook in no involvement in the chaos. The American president took the words to heart and did not open an investigation as to how large Russia's involvement was, if at all. Like the picture of the orca in the security negative, which has become the "Surgeon's Photo" of the conspiracy, was but circumstantial evidence. Only the passage of a document in Russian, literally translated, the Dolphin Papers, appeared to be more than just circumstantial. Contained within was a 19-page dossier about training cetateans to find men overboard. Though still somewhat circumstantial, it added much needed ground to the theory. Once again, President Putin assured the U.S. President Bush that the evidence was, indeed, circumstantial. But the evidence continued to mount, as an orca spotted off the coast of Valdez, Alaska, was found with scorchmarks on its flanks. The theory lost much of its momentum when it was found that the Dolphin Papers were fabricated. Apparently the last nail in the coffin, the president officially dismissed it as false. Much of the populace agreed. Still, accusations persist, despite the Russian's best efforts to prove it false.
[edit] The Jellyfish Connection
A few months after the tragedy, a marine biologist came forward with a startling accusation. He had noted that while the cetacean populations had dwindled in the weeks after Katrina, jellyfish populations soared. Though a simple explanation could be offered, that the dolphins fled to escape the hurricane and the jellyfish drifted in, the species of jellyfish intrigued the marine biologist. Some of the invertabrates were of a species not native to the Gulf, or even the Atlantic, but the Pacific Ocean. Suddenly, the theory held water again. The proposed explanation was that the jellyfish were unknowingly transferred into the Gulf from a fascinating feature of a their anatomy, willingly controlling their stingers and latching on to the cetaceans. Though the theory of the latching jellyfish seems plausible, there is little other evidence to support it.
