Chae Heuer is commonly known as the templete used for the rare, limited edition superhero action figure named Chae, which was only made for ten minutes at a factory used to make items for the Soylent Green gift shop. It is complete with guitar-smashing actions and an Out of this world karate chop attacks. Such skills and quality properties are unusual among the human race, however Chae is not a human, but in fact a Klingoneze Cyborg Overlord with superhuman equipped with powerful dual action death rays. He is generally unpleasent. He is also known for the Orange Holocaust of 2014, which removed half of the ginger population. This was windly regarded as a good move, as they just end up scaring the hell out of everyone.
Early Early Childhood
Chae, just like most humans, with the exeption of Oprah, started life as a fetus.
At age two, Chae pupated, and later emerged as a beautiful butterfly, this was later shown to be a trick designed for self defence.
Chae discovered his uncanny ability to attack people with psychic bombardment rays. As well as that, he also learned that he could created swirling death sounds with his Gibson ES-135. There was one Problem Chae couldn't stop laughing at AAAAAAA
Chae became used to the constant attenion he recieve from his newest feature, a cornet stuck halfway into his head. This was a result of him talking too much in his AP music theory class, and eventually, his teacher went mental, and ,after pupating, became an income tax return form.
Chae's most illustrious job, "Complete and Utter Overlord of Everything Except that Spot on the Wall Over There" brought him new found joy, while his burger flippling job at the local Soylent Bar ended in disaster when he was discovered to have experimented with Kitten huffing. He also found joy in releasing his pet Chest-burster (named Lisa} in crowded places, although he stopped as Eels ended up getting attracted by the pools of blood.
Adventures Chae dicovered your mother while Hooker Surfing, a curious game involving riding hookers as human surfboards. This game was later revealed as a farce, as hookers secretly possess powers that allow them to launch crabs at 120 km per second, and a single kiss turns you into a Recreational Hooker, which is widely considered a much loftier title.
Chae sold his soul to Santa Claus at this time, and after giving Lisa a new home inside Santa, explains his unproportional body size, and then flew away towards the soon to be exploded sun, and pressed a button on his watch, making your mother's head asplode.
Once staying on the Mars Space Station 9 (Which the government furiously denies ever having existed, despite the obvious blood trail leading to the Soylent Green factory ) Chae had a strange meeting with the deceased rock god, Kurt Cobain. This was widly considered as a bad move, as the blood stains on his Gibson ES-135 never came out in the wash. Chae attempted to also "take care of" Courtney Love, but instead gave her sugar pills instead of drugs, and she later killed herself for being sober for the first time in her life.
Marrige After a long and tumoltous relationship with the chest-burster that was protruding from his chest, Chae finaly made peace with the extra-terrestrial and proposed to it in front of the press and paparrazzi. The two eloped and had their honeymoon on the planet Zebes. Their dream honeymoon was almost ruined however when a group of metroids attacked them and almost left them for dead. Fortunatly, Yugi was in the area and saved the newlywed couple by summoning his Pokemon. The resulting battle destroyed the planet, but Chae and his chest-burster made it out safely...while Yugi was left to feed the eels.
Titanic III Chae and his good friend Melissa (Last Name Will Later be Disclosed For All You Sick Perverts Out There) made a remake of the popular movie Titanic, but put a plot twist to the movie. Instead of keeping the movie historically accurate, the producers decided to make the movie politically correct by having Martians sink the ship, instead of the liner ramming a Al-Qaeda submarine. After threats from a lawsuit filed by the Women Against Pornography Group, the script had to be rewritten so that the cameo made by the one-legged French prostitute was not included in the final movie, though it as later found out that the prostitute was dancing erotically while the ship sank, though the movie ended with researchers finding two packs of silicon floating where the ship sank.
Unfortunatley Chae Will inevitably die in the 2012, December 12. Just like everyone else he will meet a violent death by decapitation, disembowlment, and all that pleasant stuff by attacking metroids, God save the Queen. He will be hit by a sting-ray barb through the heart which will inevitably kill him.
Chae will be ressurected around the year 2050, after being in hell discoveres the secret code of 42, a mysterious map of Hell that was apparently left by Oscar Wilde when Ultra Jesus came and saved him. He will have a Large monkey Tail and will have half of Adolf hitler's Face attched to his Sax. He will be the Third Reincarnation of Herman Lee. Chae will also be straight as a board on his new resurection. As well as that also, Chae will also have a perchant for attacking innocent kittens on their way to work, then selling them for huffers.
Chae And Eels Eels have proven time and again that they pose a significant threat to sentient life (this comment does not reflect this website's political values). Unfortunately, Chae's unsatiable eel fetish drives him to new heights of seeking glory as more than once he's battles the slimy buggers in their natural habitat, High Mountain Plains. After suffering several fatal battle wounds from the electric eels, Chae recovered from his internal organ jellification damage and appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show.
An Essay On Life And Death Chae Heuer is currently working at NASA helping the scientists and mathmeticians discover the right formula to launch humans to Mars via giant slingshot. Unfortunately, your mother destroyed the plans before they reached full potential. Instead, NASA decided it would be cheaper to simply launch astronauts to Mars with one thousand Chinese firecrackers shoved up their asses. It will not be pleasent.