Chaos

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Chaos in its most purist of all forms.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Chaos.

“Is that Jesus?”

~ Some kid on Chaos

“Water?”

~ A Dehydrated Guy on Chaos

“We became horrific mutants and brought war to an entire galaxy for THIS?!?”

~ Chaos Space Marines on seeing Chaos' true form for the first time

In Echidna Mythology, Chaos was the god of destruction, capable of being squishy and blowing stuff up.

[edit] Mathematical Chaos

Invented by Poincare a billion years ago when he encountered a really, really hard problem [1]. He decided to call the answer chaos rather than solving it. Nobody argued with him, because he was smarter than them. He also had a gun. Few years before this - in 2413 AD, football player 'Lorentz' (number 42) discovered that he is not attractive. His close friend Sigmund Freud called this fact 'Lorentz attractor'. That was the beginning of chaos theory. Today, any mathematical problem that causes one to exclaim "Man, fuck this shit" is said to be chaotic.

In 1990 he then went to create the Chaos Emeralds used to make hedgehogs go Super Saiyan. This was later discovered to give the hedgehogs cancer, so Chaos Emeralds were banned from existence.

In 2003 a five year old with an advanced vocabulary showed that 3+4=chaos, disproving centuries of thought claiming 7 to be the answer. Because of a pre-existing legend in the domain of math, it can be proved that chaos is greater than -1.

In 2004 famous mathematicians like Ph.D George Bash and Obuma-Hex-Ladun from GNUM [General New Users of Math](Pronounced "Noom") decided that everything what can be written in linear form "ax+b=c" should and must be called `chaotic equation'.

[edit] Social Chaos

A government B-52 getting ready to throw some bombs, like prolefeed news sources are always complaining about anarchists doing. The B-52s are piloted by Chaos himself.

[edit] You need authority to do that.

Hey, fuck you, asshole! That's right, you! Give me your taxes or I'll incarcerate your ass! Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do about it! We're the cops. That's right. We brought all the anarchists to justice for their crimes. And the sheep are on our side, too. So follow orders, 'cause there's no way out. If people would just get in line, behind us, then none of this would happen. Obedience equals virtue. I can do whatever the fuck I'm ordered to do because I have a badge, while you can't do anything. You have to follow the law or get yourself some orders. In other words, go die!

[edit] The role of arms in a free state

That's why I got this gun. A cop's gotta protect themselves these days. That's also why I have a police car from the station and only look out for drug addicts when the johns in prison need more hoes and dropped soap. The individual is an opportunist psychopath that needs to be restrained from the state of nature, and the only way to really deal with them is to exercise robust action. That gets their attention real fast. Yeah, they got guns, too. So you gotta be real careful and respect the sovereignty of other nation states. If necessary. Some people Bush can just look in their eyes and see if they got a crazy look and are fucking evil doers. Like those fuckers in Iraq. You can't rip those dudes off, no way. So hand over the cash.

Perfectly Obese Chaos.

[edit] Natural Selection

Only the strong survive. It's Darwinism in action. You need to exercise as much force both domestically and internationally as you can come up with an excuse for, in seemingly irrational acts of violence, because you need to scare the shit out of them and you will always have enough force left. I don't know, man, I guess people will have to evolve so they can get with the program. If you're fast and smart, you're with us. If not, you're against us, baby.

In case anyone's interested, Chaos is also the final boss of Final Fantasy I.

[edit] See Also

• Chaos theory
• Einstein's Chaos Theory
• Sonic the Hedgehog