Charon

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Charon ( pronounce Shar-on, but not Sharon ) was the ferryman who rowed dead folk over the River Acheron to the Underworld for only £9.99 a time. He is the patron saint of Gondoliers, who base their modern activities on his ancient teachings.


Life[edit]

Being dead, he doesn't have a life ( in either sense of the word ). He is actually a reanimated skeleton and many believe him to be a flesh-less version of Bruce Forsyth. Oh wait...

Charon promoting his new hair products at the Trafford Centre in March

Appearance[edit]

Charon was the original pioneer of the "death warmed up" look, now made popular by his friend and husband the Grim Reaper. It was back in 1990 that Charon first donned the black cloak when all of his Nike tracksuits were in the wash. He took the curtains from his dining room and fashioned a gown from them, which he then wore to work. Although Hades mercilessly took the piss, Charon ignored him and went about his duties. He was an immediate hit with the newly-deceased and decided to keep the look, incorporating the Death, Inc. logo and visiblity armbands into later numbers.

Career[edit]

Charon is currently the captain of the HMS Coffin, the boat that takes the souls of dead folk to the Underworld. Interestingly, he refuses to transport Chinese people or Hindus - something about re-birth in one case and suspicious eyes in the other. He has held his post for nigh on 4,000 years and in that time has only had 3 accidents. He was drunk twice and the third time got his robe caught on his pole so that it was ripped from his skeletal frame. All three times the souls he was transporting were lost to the Loch Ness Monster. Before his current job, Charon was a model for Versace, D&G and Calvin Klein. He was also a computer programmer and professional strip-o-gram. Conservative estimates put his personal fortune at somewhere in the region of GBP 900,000,000,000,000,000,005.56

Myths and Rumours - dispelled![edit]

  • No he is not bisexual. He likes the man bone only (appropriate, as he is a skeleton).
  • He did invent rain.
  • He has had a quickie with Monica Lewinsky although he was wearing his Bill Clinton suit at the time.
  • He is indeed the King of Spain.
  • He really would like people to call him Charlie.
  • Apparently his wife, a dog called plooto, fell in love with Snow Black and shrank.

Commercial Sponsorship[edit]

Charon is currently the face of L'Oreal, 'cos he's worth it!