Chelsea Charms

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Chelsea Charms.

Chelsea Charms is a genetically engineered life form used to grow skin and blood vessels for transplants. Skin and blood vessels are grown around gradually increasing containers of fluid. The gradual growth of fluid stimulates Chelsea’s growth of skin and blood vessels.

Chelsea was created by French geneticist Dr. Jean-Pierre Queittenhauffier in March 1976 when he received a research grant to explore methods by which body parts may be grown for transplant use so that the dependency on organ donors can decrease and transplant of certain body parts can be done with greater cost-effectiveness.

Queittenhauffier started the project by creating a self-sustaining genetically engineered life form. It took over twenty years for Chelsea to develop an immune system, digestive system, and cardiovascular system capable of further progressive development.

Queittenhauffier began stimulating growth of skin and blood vessels by inserting silicone-filled plastic bags into Chelsea in order to cause an increase of the surface area blood vessels and skin would have to cover. This caused a gradual increase in skin and blood vessels. Queittenhauffier then inserted a slightly larger bag that produced slightly more skin and blood vessels.

This pace, however, was remarkably slow and labour-intensive. To expedite the growth of skin and blood vessels, Queittenhauffier decided to insert a polypropylene-filled bag that would grow on its own. The bag irritated the surrounding tissue, which produced the fluid by which the bag would increase. This greatly reduced Queittenhauffier’s workload and increased the amount of skin and blood vessels Chelsea produced.

Queittenhauffier was awarded the Nobel Prize for his efforts, and received the French Legion of Honour shortly thereafter.

Chelsea, although having human DNA and organs, is not a sentient life form. This is a deliberate part of Chelsea’s design because any human with a healthy psychological makeup would have killed Queittenhauffier for inflicting upon them a life insufferable pain and hardship.

Chelsea became famous when pictures of her were published on the internets. What started as an esoteric website became an e-shrine with many photographs and other media of her, frequented and maintained by an isolated and obscure group of social deviants. Apparently, enormous bags of fluid covered by veins and skin are attractive to these people.