Chemists

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In certain parts of the world pharmacists are referred to as chemists. Anyway chemists study chemistry.

There are many different types of chemists - Inorganic Chemists, Organic Chemists, Analytical Chemists, Physical Chemists (not to be confused with Psycho Chemists) and Short Fat Chemists who don't know what they are doing.

Inorganic Chemists have beards and spectacles and tend to study things like the compounds of Chromium, Zinc, Copper and Iron.

Organic Chemists hate Inorganic Chemists but love anything that contains Carbon such as Methane, Penicillin, DDT and Carbon Paper.

Physical Chemists do not live up to their name sake; the idea of taking a walk instills as much fear into them as a rumor of the cancellation of Star Trek. Their field involves assigning numbers to various characteristics and properties of chemicals. They are generally disliked and are rarely invited to parties.

Analytical Chemists are like physical chemists, with the distinct addition of stable employment opportunities. They may have their hands in several wildly different projects at once, and generally have a qualitative understanding of all the other divisions, but refuse to work hard enough to do quantitative work in any of them (especially physical chemistry).

Short Fat Chemists just interfere with my experiments and knock over all my test tubes and should be banned from the laboratory. Not true! We may be shortfatchemists but we are happy inventing really weird stuff.

Green Chemists are aliens, and as such should be reported to the FBI. Biochemists are generally mad, bad and dangerous to know, and are generally in the pay of fundamentalists or Russians.

There is a union for chemists called the International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry that decides important things like Sulfur must be spelled wrong, that Aluminium must be spelled right, and that organic chemicals are required to have long names to confuse lay-people. This is important so that chemists can criticize each other in an orderly fashion.