Chessington World of Adventures

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

“I once visited this precious Relic. Alas, there was only one other homosexual intelligent man within miles of the place. I do miss him. ”

~ Oscar Wilde on Chessington

Chessington World of Adventures is an ex-German Concentration Camp in Chessington set up in 1701 in preparation for the somewhat imaginary World War Two, which ensued some 30,000 years later. Subsequently the German government withdrew all funding for the project and what was left on the current site were the remains of the staff entertainment facilities. A particularly large order of Metal was taken while building the project, and the builders, who delivered such materials, sailed downstream from nearby Surbiton Airport to construct the weapons of mass menstruation required by the Government of the time.
Anne Widdecombe diverted such funds to design a Machine capable of throwing Humans 20,000 feet into the popular town of Atmosphere in Basildon while being restrained, in a bid to reduce the number of Chavs in the United Kingdom.

The Park is now Guarded with Security Cats and to enter the park, a Bouncy Castle must be provided once disembarkation from the Motorcoach has ensued.

In recent years the Upper-Class Food Company Netto has tried to place a compulsory purchasing order upon the site, however the lack of spelling, punctuation and grammar mean that the bids have never been taken seriously and the camp has kept it's once-prestigious German ownership.

In recent years the burnt bodies of Trespassers have been likely to end up on the M25 Anticlockwise. Nobody at the site was able to comment, mainly due to the fact the majority of people ON the site had either been murdered or were locked in Hocus Pocus Hall.

In 1997, the much loved Professor Burp, owner of the Bubbleworks ride at Chessington, was discovered to be a dirty-minded murderer. Therefore Imperial Leather smothered him in rubber ducks and left to hiccup to death. Bubbleworks was still in operation, so an obese animatronic replaced Professor Burp. Another shocking incident occured when a pervert broke into the ride and removed the animatronic's clothes, mistaking it for the real Burp. The animatronic then came alive and cycled around the theme park naked and raping many visitors. Imperial Leather's big nose got wind of this event and decided to retheme Bubbleworks completely. But what about the ducks???