Chia pet

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A vicious Chia Pet attacking an innocent bystander.

Internationally recognised as a vagina. The driving force behind the fall of communism, Chia pets were first discovered as a small growth on the underside of George Clooney, and Joey Fatone after Chuck Norris was roundhouse kicking them in the face (reasons for this are currently unknown). They soon rose to world domination through their modestly priced range of Diary snacks, and founded the now infamous rap group The United Nations. Chia Pet was designed by the soviet communist Stalin as a motivator for troop activities in Chechnya. Chia Pet is totally Pat. Pending and sprouts hair which is distracting to the untrained eye which is distracting to the untrained eye. I love my Chia Pet, to touch the hairy ends of each growth makes my ends tingle with envy and impure adultry innner thigh joy! kekeke ^_^ love you always Chia Pet altimes.

Chias eat CAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Diet[edit]

Wal-Marts new brand pet food

Chia Pet is commonly seen just sitting there on the middle of the table or counter, but this is just its menacing way of quietly planning out its next attack on the victim. The average Chia pet has to eat 1 person per week to survive.

Local Wal-Marts are now beginning to carry a new type of pet food: This is guaranteed to keep your Chia pet from eating you to death or a money back guarantee!

It is made from puppies imported directly from China and processed to provide several weeks worth of ass-saving alternative nutrition. The Chia Pet is a highly poisinous creature that can spit a stream of it's Ch Ch Ch Chiaaaaaaaah poison accuratly up two 20 feet, thus preventing you from running because it's very close effects too acid the difference is that it will send you into convulsions and eat through your skin. You won't be able to scream anything but " CH CH CH CH CHIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAH PET!!!!" If you don't believe me you can check the Nevada police records, The file will state " Victim of homicide case # 1120, neighbors state that all they could hear was " CH CH CH CH CHIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAH PET!!!!" and then a vicious eating noises." So if you ever think about buying a Chia pet think again.

Quotes[edit]

This picture has nothing to do with this description.

Hear what others have said about chia pets:

"Grow your very own cancer and come and join in on the fun!"

~ Joseph Stalin, spokesperson for the distribution of cancer advisory council.

"Ch...ch...ch...Chia Pet!"

~ Voice on the Chia Pet TV Advertisement.


Birth[edit]

Chias are born when a chia mounts a puppy, kitten, or duck, and injects it's eggs into its stomach. The eggs soon take over the animals body, and it loses its sanity. The chia is born inside of the animal, and eat it from the inside. Chias grow hair shaped like grass, and moss after 6 weeks of incubation, using the animals stomach as the incubator. The chia will grow by consuming the organs of the victim. Once the subject has been taken over the chia assumes control of their bodies, and seeks out human beings for substance to feast on.


Mind control[edit]

   "My spokesman used to make actual commercials... Decent ones... GOOD ones. Then the chia got to him...
   Now all I get out of him is WATER! WOW!" Water Wow on chia pets.

Chias have the amazing power to drain peoples brains. Chia pets leap onto your face, and claw out your eyes. Then they climb in through the eye sockets, and devour your brains. The amount of knowledge gained is dependent on how smart the person is. No matter how smart they are though, after the mind drain all they will be able to say is CH CH CH CHIIIIIIAAAAAAAH!!! The chia poison infecting the body is not lethal, but instead makes you the slave to the CH CH CH CHIIIIIIAAAAAAAH!!! A chia pet will make you it's warriors. It will force you to commit crimes. The time of the chia has come.