Chicago Bears
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“Da Bears still suck!!!!”
~ Anyone from Wisconsin on Da Bears
“I coached Da Bears! Da Bears are better than you! Da Bears!”
~ Mike Ditka on Da Bears
“DA BEARS!”
~ Da Bears
Bears have unleashed havoc in the city of Chicago, Illinois since the early 1920's. They are probably the most well-known snack associated with football in the United States of America. Many believe that they are responsible for 10 out of every 7 heart attacks, but studies have been inconclusive. Da Bears are also known for their hit single Super Bowl Shuffle.
The scandal surrounding Chicago Bears began when the parent company began pushing the snacks along-side Cade McNown, Mike Ditka and Brian Urlacher, a supposedly revolutionary drug at the time. Although Ditka cured erectile dysfunction, clinical trials showed that ingestion of Ditka caused road rage, pant scrunching, and kitten huffing in a small number of cases. The public began associating Chicago Bears with kitten huffing and the company was forced to close all of their Chicago based factories and offshore them to Peotone.
As equally well-known as Chicago Bears is the fact that Peotone makes terrible Chicago Bears. The degradation in quality caused a stir of black market trading of home-grown Chicago Bears. These home-grown variety had much stronger side effects and should not be consumed without a Pants Vaporizer present.
They were the best team EVER from 538 B.C-1941 but went on a 4 year hiatus due to world war 2. From that list of greats, Cade Mcnown, Dick Jauron, Mike Ditka and David Terrell, who won the Superb Owl each of those years went to the pacific theatre against New Caledonia, they came back and weren't the same. From 1947-1985 they sucked. A lot. So they made changes and asked Jesus, a bears fan, to create a super unstoppable team, which were unstoppable going 87-0 in the 1985 season winning the Superb Owl. Unfortunately, they still went to the play-offs but failed epically there. The 90s sucked so lets skip to the next paragraph please.
Rex Grossman was the bears 1st string QB. He was the best QB in the NFL with a completion rate of 54.6%, 20 INT, 23 TD's. Those were some good stats. Unfortunately, Brian Griese got fed up being number two. So he shot Rex Grossman in the knee to take over the starting QB position. Unfortunately Young Kyle Orton was fed up with his lack of playing time and decided to shot Brian Griese in the shoulder. Giving him the oppurtunity to start Week 12.
[edit] All Bout Da Bears
Benson Was The NFL's leading Rusher in 2005, He had an outstanding record! Benson managed to -2 yards per carry! And a 3 yard season Total!!! his 2007 season is gone due to a Fractured Testical, And partially torn penis. Big loss But Now We have Matt Forte, our first gay RB!
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