Chicago Bulls

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The summary of the Bulls' basketball club without Michael Jordan bailing their greedy, inept asses out.

“Thank God for Michael Jordan! Now I can buy my 14,000,000th house! ”

~ Jerry "Sheckels" McReinsdorf on owner of Bulls upon the winning their shitloads of championships.

“AND NOW, THE STARTING LINEUPS FOR YOUR WORLD CHAMPION CHICAG...uuhh yeah...nevermind everyone... ”

~ Ray Clay on longtime pre-game announcer after Jordan got the hell out for good.

[edit] Before Jordan

The guys who yells and falls asleep on WGN is our coach, Utah Jazz coach is our star...zzzzzzzzzzzz...hey we have some tall black people now...fast forward a few years, a divisional title and first round knockout, sucking ass...sucking ass...and then.

[edit] 1984: The Year We Finally Sell Tickets

Upon finishing last place the last 10 years prior and losing a coin flip for Magic Johnson after trading all their remaining talent for the rights to "Sirius" by the Alan Parsons Project, the Bulls are given Michael Jordan and proceed to sit the fuck back for 15 years as he causes every other basketball player to orgasm on the court after watching his skills. Bulls' management proceeds to pay Jordan less than a McDonalds manager salary per year which he then blows on hookers and blackjack in New Jersey. He retires (due to said hookers stealing his wife), the Bulls suck again, but then he returns when Jerry Reinsdorf gives him 23 virgin suburban white chicks and season tickets to White Sox games...he turns down the tix. Jordan, his less attractive, surly sidekick Scottie Pippen, and disease ridden, sexually confused friend Dennis "Denise" Rodman fuck the NBA in its ass the next 3 years...fast forward a year or two...

[edit] 1999 to the present: He Gone

Fuck! Jordan quit. All the rabid fans who made less than 2,000,000 a year that couldn't afford tickets while MJ was in town snatch up tickets for the next 6 years. The team wins a total of 12 games (13 in 2003 after Jerry Krause died of Crisco-Ham sandwich air blockage). They draft convicts, 17 year olds, and bad motorcyclists on their way to mediocrity for the next x years...Jamal Crawford! What the hell! The team has become so bad that the stadium's name has been changed to Wrigley Field South and the roster is comprised of Cubs minor league players as punishment for not "striking out in clutch situations" or "losing for 100 years". Maybe the Bulls will draft Jordan's kid...