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The Chicago Bullshits are a 6 time NBA championship team that formed in the 1960's when Chicago decided the White Sox couldn't draw a crowed, and all Chicago was known for was a fat bitch with a chat show who gives cars away to homeless people.
- 1 Chicago's Original NBA Losers
- 2 Micheal Jordan Era
- 3 Chicgao Standstill
- 4 Second Cumming Of Micheal
- 5 Chicago Shitkickers Today (No Michael Jordan, so no one cares about the rest of this article from here on)
- 6 Who is worthy of being the next ball-hog like Jordan to lead the Bullshits into the 22nd Centuary?
- 7 Team Accomplishments
- 8 Team Fuckups
- 9 Finest Bullshitters
Chicago's Original NBA Losers
Let's face it, you wanna know about Michael Jordan right? Maybe even Scottie Pippen too... am I right? The era when Peter Jackson hadn't made the Lord Of The Rim Jobs trilogy yet, and was a successful NBA coach. You don't wanna know about old hacks of the game, or that the Bullshits where once called the Chicago Fags until that original line-up moved to a more appropriate town named San Fransisco, but are better known today as the L.A Clippers
So why would we bother to inform you about anything the Chicago NBA team did, when we know you are not even going to read this very part of the article, and jump straight onto the next part about Micheal fucking Jordan and the winning teams of Chicago during the only time in history this team has been worth a damn.
Micheal Jordan Era
All Aboard, Air Jordan
When Michael Jordan was drafted to the Chicago Bulls 1985, all of a sudden, the team didn't suck anymore. Chicago actually had something to do apart from watch Oprah and reminisce about old gangsters and fires that once plagued the city a few 100 years ago. Jordan was the Savior of the Windy City, and Air Jordan coming into land his huge farts made the town smell more like a worthy place to be.
It would take a couple of years for Jordan to stop hogging the ball and showing off in the air before the bulls won an NBA championshit, but in the mean time it gave spectators something interesting to watch as Jordan would dunk all over guys and stick his finger up at them and chant, "SUCK IT, MOTHA FUCKA".
Bullshits Are Just Too Good Looking
Jordan was considered early on to be too damn cute for the game, his charisma and charm was gaining too much attention that all the old skool Chicago Fags fans where starting to come back and make the current team look a little too gay. So the Bullshits enlisted the help of Scottie Pippen to even the gay community's testosterone levels out. However after a short while Scottie proved he was a damn good player, and we mean, for such an ugly prick, he was a REALLY fucking awesome talented basketballer. The team would have to re-think how to balance out the roster and stop gays from coming to the game and making the Bullshits seem too pretty... so they enlisted the help of THE ugliest mother fucker to ever play the game, Dennis Rodman. Who would mock the homosexual fans of Chicago by dressing up as a woman on his off days, and then doing the unspeakably gayest thing anyone could do, he joined the WCW.
Michael Jordan, The First Trilogy
Jordan managed to break all records in the NBA, including breaking Wilt Chamberlains record of sleeping with the most women without their wife knowing about it. He also broke Magic Johnson's record of sleeping with over 100 women and not contracting the aids virus. This was enough to celebrate so much that Jordan lead the Bulls to the finals in 1992 against the Portland Snail-Trailers. Jordan said, "Those slippery cunts put up a hard fight, but in the end, I'm Micheal Jordan remember?"
Two Time, Two Time Champion
Jordan and his supporting cast returned the next year and ended up facing the L.A Lakers (now known as L.A Rapers since Kobe Bryant came on-board). Jordan naturally shit all over Magic Johnson and the Bullshits won their second consecutive championshit. Magic said after the final game, "Damn! it was like that fat bitch that raped me and gave me aids all over again", referring to when Kobes mother raped him in the locker room and gave him aids.
333 Peet Peet Peet
Jordan then faced the Phoenix Bum-chums in the 93-94 NBA series. And naturally Jordan treated the suns like his own team-mates, he refused to let Charles Barkley have the ball at all and dominated the game.
Jordan left the bulls, leaving Scottie Pippen in charge of things. Scottie wasn't worth a real damn on his own, so Micheal had to come back.
Second Cumming Of Micheal
Michael returned to the new and improved Chicago Balls line up. And wouldn't you know it? The mother fucker won another 3 NBA championshit's in a row... then he fucked off to Washington and the Chicago Bullshits returned to the "worthless cunts" statues they where known as in 1984 and before that.
Now that Jordan has retired from the game, the Chicago Bullshitters are just now the Chicago Shitkickers. Kicking shit around wherever they go, not worth a flying fuck to Chicago anymore.
Bulls Aint Worth a Shit Now That Jordan Is Gone, Era
Since Michael left, the Bulls dismantled and no one worth a damn was left playing for them. Dennis Rodman was killed in a wrestling accident due to internal bleeding by a wrestler that raped him in the ass too hard named Goldust who was later revealed to be played by Kobe Bryant. (Ok, Enough Kobe jokes)... Scottie Pippen clicked his heels together 3 times and went home to the land of ugly ass mother fuckers, Toni Q-Cock flushed himself back down the can and Blow Job Armstrong became the first nigger on the moon.... oh, and as for Luc Longley, why would you possibly give a flying fuck about him?
Chicago Shitkickers Today
(No Michael Jordan, so no one cares about the rest of this article from here on)
No one gives a fuck about the Bulls today. Jordan and Pippen are gone, and unless they can find a superstar worthy of Jordan's ball hogging skills, then no one will pay them any interest.
Who is worthy of being the next ball-hog like Jordan
to lead the Bullshits into the 22nd Centuary?
Sorry, I said I was done with Kobe jokes... so who else is a complete ball hog then? Hmmm.... pretty much any one who calls them selves an "Ankle breaker" like Allen Ivorson or someone like that, who wouldn't recognize a pass if it rented space up their ass, might be a good choice. Till then, the future of the Bullshits lies in the hands of a white guy with dread locks who plays Ronan Dex on Stargate Atlantis
- NBA Champions: 1990-1991, 1991-1992, 1992-1993, 1994-1995, 1995-1996, 1997-1998.
- Hired Micheal Jordan
- Let Jordan Retire
- Dennis Rodman
Players besides Michael that someone might give a rats ass about.
We are unsure of current players names and numbers, apart from that guy from Stargate, but we don't even know his name or number, 'cause the Bulls aren't worth a shit anymore
Players Chicago Wish where Bullshitters
|National Basketball Association (2010)|
|Atlantic Division: Boston Celtics | New Jersey Nets | New York Knicks | Philadelphia 76ers | Toronto Raptors|
|Central Division: Chicago Bulls | Cleveland Cavaliers | Detroit Pistons | Indiana Pacers | Milwaukee Bucks|
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|Other Articles: NBA Finals | All-Star Game | NBA Draft | Current team rosters ||