Chicken
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| Dolphin | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Kingdom | Kingdom of Fine Cuisine |
| Phylum | End Of Phyle |
| Class | 4th grade |
| Order | KFC Bucket Combo |
| Family | Bird |
| Genus | Bird |
| Species | Birdius delicious |
| Binomial Name | Birdius delicious |
| Primary Armament | Chicken Pox |
| Secondary Armament | Hungry Mob of African Americans |
| Power Supply | Internal Slinky |
| HP: | 500 |
| Mana Points: | 1, but 300 when used for voodoo |
| Strength: | 5 KiloWatts |
| Intelligence: | none |
| Weight | 10 Lb. |
| Length | (9'5)-(90'5) Ft |
| Special Attack | Kung Pao Chicken Special Combo |
| Conservation Status | Critically Endangered |
“Man who puts chicken in freezer has stiff cock.”
~ Confucious on chicken
“Oh-My-God, look at that fat cock!”
~ Announcer on Dr. Tran
“What?! Are you tokkin' to me?!”
~ Robert DeNiro on chicken
Whoever put that pie shit here, fuck off.
PS. Pie
THE CHICKEN HAS ALWAYS COME BEFORE THE EGG!
[edit] Peter Garett's Theory of Chicken Creation
One night rock/70's porn star Peter Garett and a crack whore named Cherry (later to be know as Rhianna) were smoking pot and drinking bogan piss. Peter suggested a fun drinking game he had learn from his sugga daddy Kevin Rudd, for every chicken egg you could fit up your ass your opponent takes a shot. Cherry agreed enthusiastically too shit faced to realise that Garett's 75% asshole and thus invincible. Several shots and several brown shell eggs later comprehension dawned on Peter's three remaining brain cells. Peter to Cherry's surprise jumped up and started dancing (you know what i'm talking about if you've seen a midnight oil concert, looks kinda like a mildly retarded orangutan on rollerblades being swooped by a magpie) causing Cherry to crack a half inserted egg with her sphincter. Peter sitting down again looked at Cherry and said I know what came first between the chicken and the egg. This theory states: a long long time ago is a mythical place just south of victoria called tasmania from which came many inbred creatures such as the taz the tasmanian devil, there live two ducks gazza and shirley who were first cousins, now shirley was indead a beautiful sight with her ugg boots which she wore constantly not just around the house, anyway one day her and gazza were at a party and shirley quite frankly was shit faced so gazza offered her a ride home one thing lead to another and they ended up rooting like a over exicted cocker spainel on the nearest leg, in the back of gazza's ute, from this came the EGG that held shirley and gazza's baby, a severely retarded duck which was the first chicken. As you can see this theory (that later won Peter the coveted environmental minister position) clearly states that the egg did come first, then was shoved up a crack whore's ass. Some Chickens prefer to be called Sharon, don't be so insensitive as to call them Pat.
[edit] Chicken Mythology
In 1320, you chicken named John Cock Suckin' Cum decided to have a game of "how fast can you shove 20 chick up ur ass". Then it later became a tradition that in every chicken sex, the would shove 10 of their own kids up their own ass so then can have more. CHICKEN!!!
In 1321 chickens ruled the world. ROFLWAFFLES
In 1322 KFC attacked the chickens.
In 1323 chickens rebeled.
In 2000 chickens are now super secret agents.
[edit] A Typical Chicken
Chickens are the most dangerous predatory animals that can run, fly, swim, and even dig up to 1000 miles per second at a time and can grow up to 200 feet long. They primarily feed on giraffes. Most chickens attack in groups, and a group of chickens is called a horde. Hordes have been known to range in size from 5 to 3 million chickens. They dig into the oil stored in the ground so they can, quite litterally, re-fuel for the next day (which is odd, because oil is found in clouds). Much like bears, they hibernate in the winter. Before this occurs, they go on a killing spree in order to save enough energy for the winter. There is a new special species that has been found lurking in dark alleys and they are called Waterchooks.
During their down time, chickens enjoy in baby making, crocheting, and playing in chess tournaments. Most hens prefer speed chess, while roosters enjoy thinking out their moves. Hens lay bright blue eggs with pink sperm-dots in order to camouflage them in the Canadian wilderness. Sometimes, the roosters will lay eggs, too, but not really. This gives the predator the false sense that the rooster is female as well, and it is subsequently confused as to which one they should attack. 90% of the time they choose incorrectly, and the rooster whips out his medieval joustin' stick and impales them through the stomach. Because they are fire-breathing, they can then roast the predator on the fire, using the jouster as a spit. Chickens in general can eat three times their body weight an hour. The only way to kill a chicken is twisting it's neck until it snaps, which is made difficult by the roosters medievil joustin' stick and its fire-breath. Particular caution should be taken if you ever come across the rare and evil variant of the common chicken, Chickenus Erectus Gigantikus. These massive and deadly beasts can be up to shoulder high on an average human and have orange eyes and steel tipped beaks. They can be countered by drawing a chalk line on the ground, which mesmerises the animal, resulting in eventual brain-death/-detonation. Recently, a new species of chicken has been discovered in Northern Canada that, instead of breating fire, spontaneously bursts into flame when threatened. Unfortunately, this proves to be bad for the chicken, as this can only be used once because they burn themselves to death. This is much-loved by the natives of the area, who have an easier time hunting, as all they have to do is make a scary face at a chicken and they can bring home a fully cooked meal.
[edit] The Atypical Chicken
There are several different species of chicken that are rare and not seen often on farms. One such type is the fiery Norwegian chicken. This species of chicken was hunted to extinction by the lazy-ass early settlers who were looking for a quick, hot meal. This chicken has a unique defense mechanism to ward off predators - it will spontaneously burst into flames, scaring anything within 20 yards. This is a single-use defense mechanism, which is why these chickens are extinct. Early hunters would run screaming into a large flock of these birds. One chicken flares up, startling the nearby chickens, who also flare up. In about 2 minutes, the hunters had a beautiful chicken dinner to take home to their tribe.
Another species of chicken is the ninja chicken. Found only in remote regions of northern China, this species is extremely difficult to catch, and also tastes awful. Therefore, they have flourished over time, expanding their ranks into a chicken army. Unfortunately, these chickens cannot live below 5000ft, so they are restricted to ruling a single mountaintop. Dumb-ass birds.
[edit] The New Leaders of the 3rd Rein
Due to the insane easiness of being infected by nuclear radiation these days, scientists believe that by 2034 super radiated nazi chickens will soon control most of western Europe. By 2040 the chickens will have taken over most of the world, killed half the human race and eaten over 1 billion tons of corn. They will then have exhausted all corn suplies and turn to feasting on human corpses. The Rebel alliance will then secure several nuclear missiles and blow the living $*^$% out every one of those evil feathered gits. So ends the sad ballad of the super intelligent nazi chickens CHICKEN!
[edit] How to kill a Chicken
Since these beasts can kill you in a few seconds, there is a safe, human way of killing them. First you will need a rock, preferably one with a nice sharp end. Now stand at least 10 yards away from the chicken (if it is larger than 10 yards please contact the nearest demolishing company and they will take care of it). Aim the rock at the neck and throw it. The chicken will now run in a circle for approximately 2 minutes and then collapse on the floor. Beware, while it has collapsed on the floor, a swarm of midget chickens will rapidly run out of the chicken's butt and attack you. If you are quick enough, you can chop off the chicken's head (preferably using a samurai sword which should be strong enough to brake its feathers of steel) which stops the midget chicken army from coming out. The headless chicken will now get up, running in a random direction. Face the chicken in the direction of an electrical wired fence, and it will run into the fence and die. Good luck. If you don't survive, screw you. {This method has not been used successfully, yet...}
Remember, it is much easier to kill one of the flaming chickens of Norway (see above). just yell at one. You get dinner, plus the added bonus of no midget-chickens coming out of its butt. Waterchooks love the cock in the dark alleyways.
Note:If midget chickens start to come out of your butt, run in circles randomly and have your second removed half cousin in laws brother little daughters pet hamster bit your face off, then go to New Zealand and eat a giant mountain goat. Then you will survive. unless you are an idiot, then you just deserve to die..
There is, however, a less human way to kill a chicken. Although less humane than the aforementioned method, it is undoubtedly extremely effective and doubly rewarding. First, you need the Black Guy. Next, inform the Black Guy that there is a chicken at your location. If you wanna make big money, have a video camera with you! He will arrive in a matter of seconds. When he spots the chicken......... well...... nevermind. After all is done, be prepared to find a large white puddle of a mysterious liquid around the dead body. Scientists have tried to analyze this liquid, but it absorbs all light in the surrounding when subjected to stress, and thus only can be analysed using seismic methods. Ultrasound scans reveal large clumps of protein and funny tadpole structures moving about rapidly in the cum. uh. liquid. Gas Chromatography reveals a large percentage of the liquid is in fact water and fructose. However, all humans exposed to the liquid have been involved in mysterious deaths that included torn or badly damaged rear ends, and therefore work on the origins of the liquid has been halted. However, there are some people who have tried to kill the Black Guy, using the following method:
- Put the Black Guy's mobile phone on loud profile when he's not looking
- Call him during any random class
- ???
- PROFIT!
Note: if u ever try this peter barron will kill u the same way u did to the chicken. So if u eva want to die kill a chicken enjoy ur slow painful deth =D ^ HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT I S*CK C0CKS
[edit] The New Leaders of the Third Reich
Scientists believe that due to nuclear radiation and mutation chickens will have total control of all Europe by around 2030. The super intelligent peter chickens will have total control of the entire world and will have eaten all the worlds supplies of grain by 2040. Consequently the chickens will turn to a new food source, human beings. Fortunately however, by 2043 the rebel alliance (led by Mel Gibson) will manage to secure a large selection of nuclear missiles. The alliance will then launch the missiles on the United States, Europe, Asia and Africa. The only safe place for humans to live would be Australia or the Poles. The massive successions of nuclear strikes would then exhaust all supplies of KFC as the entire chicken race would be eliminated. Personnally I dont think its worth it. ALL HEIL CHICKLER!!!! chicken!
[edit] A typical baby chicken, or as some might say, a CHICK
CHICKs also known as "ChiChif**" are the female species of the chicken. They regularly wear yellow feathers and take up enchanting skills to get the male species of the chicken to mate. This process is what they call "F**". Mating by the male and female is very similar to the human. After they finish they go outside and mate with other people for celebrating that they mated together. Now, you wonder why they're so many chickens in the world. Chicken comes from McDonald's ads.
[edit] Demographics
The population of chickens in the USA increased in 2005 from 2.6 billion chickens to approximately 2.6000000000000000000000001 billion chickens(1 trillion every second) (Margin of error +/- 3 billion). A group of left-wing chicks, the Rhode Island reds, rule one of the fifty states.
So you are increasing from 2.6 billion to 2.6 billion? Who the fuck is the dumbass that wrote this shit.
Most chickens live in flying cows called satellites. Their ejected matter atomises in the atmosphere above Earth and ultimately becomes our primary source of tsunami activity. These phenomena can also be referred to as pie, cat, and the GDP. The main source of what some call "chicken nuggets" is Lexmark Inc. (also known for attempting to navigate the dark side of the moon during daylight spendings time and St. Patrick's Day.)
Thousands of lives each year are lost due to chicken droppings on their heads, and the reported campaign plans of USA president (George Bush) include declaring war against the chickens. Chickens are one of the most dangerous species on earth the can fart millions of people to death. Chickens nearly became extinct in the failed Chicken Purge of 1931 under General Tso but were saved by a mysterious hero known only as Colonel Sanders. The Colonel's benevolence towards his feathered friends turned to extreme animosity and hatred when Sanders came home one evening to find his wife in bed with one of the very chickens he saved from certain death.Chickens have four legs that come from the feathers while it runs to make it go faster. The dorsal fins are also used as flying gear, being that chickens can fly great distances of up to 23 picometers. I also heard that they are visious animals that will skin you alive and eat your insides!
[edit] Rural References
Late '60s/early '70s Britain almost saw an unwitting exposé on the true nature of chickens with the arrival of the popular television series The Clangers. The influence of the powerful brain waves given off by the intergalactic communications of Earth's burgeoning chicken population caused the author (Oliver Postgate KSC) to add the character of the wise old space-faring Iron Chicken to the world of The Clangers. However, despite this unconscious warning of their dire potential, most chickens are still content to peck for worms, play psychic Mah-Jong, and conveniently place droppings in obvious paths.
[edit] Chicken History
Chickens originated from the planet chicken, where I, the chickenlord, reign. They came down in search of a new home, which, ended in disaster. Now they are being eaten by us humans. STOP THE MADNESS!!!!!
[edit] Chickens in Greek Philosophy
This is the Greek version of the chicken or the egg, except it has nothing to do with eggs in any way what-so-ever. Once upon a time in Greekish times Hades was very very very kinda angry at EVERYTHiNG!!! He decided he wanted to rule the entire world and make Zeus eat some dirts. So he summoned horned demons from his fiery lemon scented realm. Before he could attack, slaughter, and eat people he needed to codename the horned things he summoned. He chose the codename “GOAT” which is some word in Latin or something. The Grotesque Organic Atrocious Terrestrials or “GOATS” were finally ready to attack, slaughter, and eat many ‘o’ peoples. Meanwhile Zeus was busy playing Atari when he got the news of these so called “GOATS.” He also heard news of Hades evil dirts plot. “That FEIND!” he howled and ordered Hephaestus to capture a “GOAT.” Hephaestus put on his running shoes and skedaddled into the battlefield, after all he was the fastest. After receiving the captured “GOAT” Zeus cut it up into tiny little pieces and put them back together backwards to form the Polar Opposite of the “GOAT”, the Correctional Heroic Indestructible Courageous Killing Evil Nemeses or “CHICKEN” as some call it. Zeus commanded these “CHICKEN” creatures to attack and destroy any “GOATS” they see until not one stood left alive. A 207 year war broke out between the 2 factions leaving many dead and much destruction. The war between the 2 super-natural factions still goes on to this very very very kinda day. CHICKEN! HOT AND SPICY!
[edit] Mmmmm, chicken. DELICIOUS
Originally developed in ancient Mesopotamia as a weapon and armour, the chicken was the most dangerous of all of the fowl of old. Later bred as a domestic pet, its long furry coat formed a natural barrier against rot. It bears the resemblance of green cheese and smells like one too. Just by looking at the picture, one can OBVIOUSLY tell that it is made of green cheese.
Centuries of breeding have resulted in the chicken we know today. Although still viewed with caution in modern Iraq, its flesh is succulent and tasty. It is a little-known fact that chickens are composed entirely of Chicken McNuggets. The dipping sauce for McNuggests is actually another sort of green cheese that are found in cows used to feed chickens. So next time you see a chicken, feel free to pour honey mustard all over it, while chanting "xuzu froid higgs fjords doing's keennesses jabajabajabajaba mooooooooooo quack meow exploits chicken".
In western societies, it is considered a taboo to choke on a chicken's wishbone: not only taboo but also a bad omen, since the two are really the same, but in reverse. This explains the origins of the double pun "chicken choke" and "chicken joke".
Black people also can eat an entire chicken for breakfast lunch and dinner. The black guy from the game GTA also eats enormous amounts of chicken to recharge his health. Them people often eat the chicken with waffles and/or cornbread. Fried chicken is preferred, but black people will accept a variety of other types of chicken based foods.
Chickens although made an impression on taxi drivers also had potential to dominate the movies and won best acting role for being Ben Buttlick in Paycheck. since Ben was appalled at being made fun of by a successful chicken he decided to strike back in chicken run and made a total Butt of himself thus implying Ben "butt" lick.
If prepared just right, chicken tastes just like mopane worms. i like chicken mmm
[edit] Chicken In Religion
Certain Cultures, such as Paedophiles and Necromancers, believe that Chickens are solid forms of their gods, and worship them as such. It is widly believed by Farmers that Chickens are the uppermost form of animal life. Popular Scientists have been instructed to disect a live chicken to work out if they really are gods, but they were shortly destroyed by the amazingness of the chicken.
In a Kebab (chicken church) the Priest (known as 'Ketchup') would start the sevice with the Infamous line, 'Praise be to Chicken'.
[edit] Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
Main article: Why?:Did the chicken cross the road?
“Chicken crossing the road, you say? A clear-cut example of poultry in motion.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
Why did the faggot put a gay joke here?
Because he's a faggot.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
AIDS
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Sourav was coming.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To watch toby and faye getting jiggy.
Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
To get to the same side.
Why did the monkey cross the road?
Because it was being chased by the Kung Fu chicken.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
Why did the chicken get cross with Ryan North?
Because messed up his wikipedia article.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because it was chicken.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a road?
A bad joke.
Why did the Republican chicken cross the road?
Because Karl Rove told it to, though Jesus had some input too.
Why did the chicken vomit?
Because it kissed your mom.
Why did the farmer cross the road?
Because his dick was stuck in the chicken.
Why did the woman cross the road?
Why wasn't she in the kitchen?
Soviet Russia, chicken crosses YOU!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he felt like it.
Zen Master: "What is the sound of a one handed chicken crossing the road?"
Disciple of Zen Master: (Silent Pondering of this Koan).
Why did the chicken cross the road? Turn to page 96 to find out...
Why did the V8 Turbo Charged American Truck kill the chicken?
What the hell?! O_W_N the chicken, not kill it. DUH.
?daor eht ssorc nekcihc eht did yhW
.edis rehto eht ot teg oT
Don't you wish chickens had the plague?
Me too.
____
"Why did the monkey cross the road?" "Because it was stapled to the chicken!"
"Why did the zebra cross the road?" "Because he was stapled to the monkey."
Why did the chicken jump off the cliff? Cos it was sick and tired of crossing THE RUDDY ROAD!!!!!!
Why did the chicken cross the road? That answer is kept secret by the level 33 Masons
____
"Why did the zebra cross the road?" "Cuz it was tied to the monkey that was stapled to the chicken."
Why did the black man cross the road?
Because he needed or wanted to, you mut****ing racist!
"Why did the elephant cross the road?" "Cuz it was sitting on the zebra that was tied to the monkey that was stapled to the chicken...DANG, that's one strong chicken!"
"why did the chicken cross the road?" "because it was running away from its own crappy `why did the chicken cross the road' joke."
why did the chicken cross the road becuz he was taped to another chicken
"Why did George Bush cross the road?" Because He was pursuing the "Muslim Facist" Chicken that had previously Misunderestimated him"
Why does the chicken like crossing the road?
It's a stupid ass bitch who wants to be killed cause it's an emo tardfuck. *Chanel* NO
Why did the chicken cross the road? GOD dousn't even know dumb fuck! Terrible
"why did the chicken cross the road?becuz he felt like it.
Even worse
"Why did the colonel cross the road? because there was fried chicken on the other side dumbass."
You're probably sick of these Chicken jokes by now, huh?
WELL TOO BAD!! I got another one for you...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because SOMEBODY *points to some random guy* put a cigarette up it's ass!! ...*twitches*
Why did the chicken fly across the road?
because i kicked it!
Why did the chicken run across screaming?
Because it saw your face!!!
why cant chickens fly??
coz' then they wouldnt be able to cross the road!!
sure they would, you dumb shit!
¿por qué los pollos cruzar la carretera
porque era el cruce de la frontera
why did peter cross the road??
to hug the chicken on the other side =D
[edit] The Chicken vs. The Egg: The Race
“I came first, end of story.”
~ Chicken on Chicken vs. Egg
“No, I did.”
~ Turtle on racing
“Fucking liars.”
~ Egg on the chicken and the turtle
“Who cares which one came first, they're both delicious!”
~ Captain Cook on Chicken vs. Egg
“THE FLASH CAME FIRST!!!”
~ The Flash on Chicken vs. Egg
“Either way, IRAQ MUST DIE!!!”
~ George W. Bush on Chicken VS. Egg
“A giant egg roundhouse kicked the chicken which hit the turtle which made the flash trip, sending him flying into space, and when he fell down he hit the table where Captain Cook was making scrambled eggs, causing an egg to fly into Cook's mouth, then to be lodged into his throat. Therefore, the chicken won.”
~ Lao Tso on Chicken vs. Egg
“What is the sound of one egg cracking?”
~ Zen Koan on Chicken vs. Egg
“I do believe it was the Chicken which was inside the egg. The egg grew on the tree with the chicken inside. They both win.”
~ Someone on Trees, Eggs and Chickens
“Urrrrrrrrr... Where are my pants?”
~ Ya Mum on Chicken vs. Egg
Since the beginning of time, when incidentally there were no chickens, there has been a heated debate on the winner of the all-important chicken vs. egg race. Some have vowed that they saw the egg roll across the finish line first, with the cracks in its shell marking the momentous occasion. Others swear on their mothers’ lives that the chicken ran faster than the egg could roll, winning the race. As we all know, the longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds, and that chicken was headless at the time. In official records of the race it is written:
“An angry observer at the race swung a machete at the chicken, which was neck and neck with the egg at the time. It sliced the chicken’s head clean off, the term neck and neck no longer applicable. Suddenly the chicken soared into the air, dripping blood all over the stunned crowd. It stayed aloft for 13 seconds, coming to land right on the finish line just 1 second………”
The scribe at the event ran out of paper at this point, not informing us of whether the chicken was one second in front of or behind the tough little egg.
In some previously unseen behind-the-scenes footage, the officials at the race are seen arguing in a tent about the winner of the race, gesturing at each other with drumsticks and forkfuls of egg salad.
What happened to these Olympic standard athletes? They seem to have disappeared into the mists of time, never resolving the long-standing dispute over the true winner of this famous battle.
[edit] Types
[edit] Midget Chickens
The common midget chicken, (more commonly known as the Jennifer Chicken-because Jennifer "Lopez" is one ugly chicken) can often be found in classrooms across the nation. The sound they make resembles "cock-a-doodle-RUFF RAPIST!!!! cock-a-doodle-RUFF." They are very annoying, ugly, and Darn! They smell BAD! Like a cross between old cheese and a dead cat that has been in a sewer recently. They often attack you for being taller than them, the jealous idiots.
Midget chickens are carriers of the fearsome Jennaphobia disease, which will mutate the helpless victim into a very ugly ogre like thing which resembles a slug with legs. It also induces fear of all people named "Jennifer." Fortunately, cases of this disease are incredibly rare, otherwise tons of people would be ugly as hell.
They make very good fried chicken, once you pick off all that ugly crap. Some of them are coated in massive pimple-things (or is that their face? Who knows?). Anyways......Watch out for their crap, they sling crap at you with their giant beaks. BEWARE!!!
[edit] Dancing Chickens
“ BANG AND IT DANCES! ”
~ Barry Scott on dancing chickens
DO THE CHICKEN DANCE!!!!
[edit] Mutant chickens
Chickens which feature any variety of mutation that is not considered boring, mutant chickens have been known to control the highest circles of the Illuminati, and some are believed to fight crime in an organized group of superheroes.
Those which do not live up to their potential for interesting behaviour are sold by Canadian slavers to KFC, or to work in the grease mines of Ancient Rome, also to Seth Green to make his Robot Chicken.
KFC actually collect mutant chickens and give them straight to the customer! Why do you think the food wriggles onto the floor? the maccas nugget is also a species of mutated chooken it has no head, neck, legs or bum so they dont take much preparation lack of bum means they are coated in their own dung!!!!!
Mutant chickens are a breed of chickens brought to the planet by (NASA) and the FBI launched a mutant chicken relocation program and now the chickens that went along with it are living lives among other chickens and the more rebellious chickens either ran away from the law and are now in the C.U. (Chickens United) or are in a McDonalds bag. If you find any high density radiation in this McDonalds bag, please contact the CCRRT (Caused by Chickens Radiation Response Team)at once. Well, of course, that is unless you want to be the chicken in the next McDonalds bag.
Due to a unfortunate accident involing an extreamly lonely rooster and a bag a for chicken nuggetts the world first roast chicken was born in Streatham, Nepal. The mating ritual often resulted in mass culls when the females would baste only the tenderist of males. They are not to be confused with the rosted chicken which is actually a breed of extreamly devious turkey. there is also a beast of pure evil called "darth chook" armed with force powered egg bombs and beaksabers and clawsabers
There have been rumors of a giant flaming chicken that roams the lands of North Carolina and occasionally infests rats' nests.
Of course chickens as we know them today all come from a special type of mutant chicken eggs. There is an old question "who came first? The chicken or the egg?" Well the answer is: it was a mutant egg (or 'ovo' as the portuguese call it) OVOLVERINE.
[edit] The Evil Chicken
The evil chicken is a demon that was summoned by an evil sorcerer and escaped. To this day it plagues innocent adventurers. It typically appears as a massive bird with a flaming chicken skull for a head. It attacks people with its power farts of chickenness, which mutate humans and midgets alike into bird people. It can often be found roaming southern Ireland, gorging itself on its favorite food of Leprecaun.
[edit] Ghost Chickens
Ever had the door open unexplainably or things go missing, evil crap like that is not done by regular ghosts but by Ghost Chickens, Ghost chickens are the most evil creatures in the known multiverse, and are also thought to be the cause of ghost herpies and unwanted pregnancy as well as hiding the remote those sick Losers. Ghost Chickens have one mortal enemy which is mutant chickens due the the Chlamydia Radiation they generate in their three tonne testicles. Ghost Chickens have been known to live on farms in houses and up your butt, they live of a stable diet of human skin and ghost crap. this species of chicken cannot be eaten by conventional means and must be inhaled or eaten with a ghost fork(see Rhibozomes).
Due to the invisible nature of ghost chickens they cannot see in the dark, and once stuck up your butt they cannot escape, and will possess you until such time as they get sucked out of your face by a catholic preist or hitler. if you step on a ghost egg you will be hunted down and gang raped by ghost chickens, sadly, it is even worse if the chickens have already been hit with Chlamydia radiation.
[edit] Nuclear Powered Robot Chickens
While Robot Chickens are delicious in a sandwich of lead, their population is exponentially decreasing. Ravenous predators seek out these automagical avians by following the trails of non-sequitor humour and off-kilter presentation. The wild Robot Chicken can be found displaying itself usually on Sundays, near midnight. Unfortunately for any potential mates, this involves its reactor exploding. Queries as to how these fowl breed, are as of yet, unawnsered.
[edit] Big Fuckin' Chicken
This Chicken was owned by Burger King. However, since his unpopularity, his head got chopped-off and ran around Burger King without his head. Now that's fucked-up!
Big Fuckin' Chicken...
[edit] Recipes
- Fry chicken(s) to taste.
- Cut up potatoes into small irregular strips and fry to taste (i.e. make English chip(s))
- Place the above in poor-quality wicker basket, making sure not to disturb the remnants of the previous meal(s), which may be of archaeological significance.
- Time warp back to 1970s England and charge unearthly prices for said combination.
- Beware the wrath of chicken kind.
- Take one large telephone pole, and place chickens at each end of it, and tie them down with doughnuts. Place large mud tires evenly on the telephone pole, with an engine somehow attached to it. Now, attempt to drive on the highway at a high rate of speed.
- Pluck all hair off of chicken, then, break neck with teeth.
- Shove a hydrogen bomb down its throat, then throw it motherfucking down
into Samuel L. Jackson's motherfucking pants. ENJOY!
[edit] Philosophy
Chickens are decent people. When is the last time you saw chickens hanging around in a drug gang? Or when have you ever seen a chicken strap a guy into a chair and attach his nuts to a car battery? Have you ever seen a chicken come home from work to beat his hen? Didn't think so, chickens are decent people. How come when it's us it's an abortion and when it's a chicken it's an omelette?
[edit] Chemistry of the chicken
Chickens are formed when wood and sugar chemically react with each other if there is no tomato sauce present during the reaction the chicken will form without a scrozzlebnit (the floppy bit on top of a chickens head and only part of the chicken made of tomato sauce) so it is advisable to add tomato sauce to the wood/sugar mixture if you want to create a chicken if you want it to have a scrozzlebnit.
[edit] See also
- Fried Chicken
- Chicken (language)
- Cluck!
- Chicken Huffing
- Chicken pie
- Borat
- Why did the chicken cross the road?
- Why the chicken crossed the road
- Tyson
- Black people
- KFC
- Dead babies
- Nukes
- Rolf Harris
- Chickenbox
- http://www.everytopicintheuniverseexceptchickens.com/
- Churkey
- Aliens
- Chicken 2
- Chickity China the Chinese Chicken
- Mutant Radioactive Chickens
- Al Qaeda Chicken
- Buckethead
- San Diego Padres
