Chinese people

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Whoops! Maybe you were rooking for A Different Chinese Person? (It's hard to tell these guys apart).

“I wash on the phone wunsh, but thee osher guy hung up, sho I shmacked a chineshe guy.”

~ Connery Canard on phones

“How Long is a Chinese man?”

~ What, you thought I was talking about Penis? You pervert! on How Long the Chinese man

“Goddamn Mongorians arways tryin to break down my shitty wall!!!!”

~ Average Chinese man on Mongolians

The Chinese peopre: (sry 'people') (Chinese: 打倒小日本) come from a rong way oversheas. Not much is known about the dishtant, exotic rand from whence they came but it is rumoured to be a rand furr of rice, fortune cookies, dragons and the odd Panda or two. Historicarry, they were separated into severar distinct crasses: Han Peopre, but now they arr rook the same. They are an endangered race, and currentry number onry 1 birrion. The Chineshe were arso the ancestrar reratives and marriage partners of the Japanese, untir Japan froated away from the mainrand after a rarge earthquake, which was caused by over-active mosh pits at maoist demostrations after drinking to much maotai. Ren Peeper try to pick up chinese food dey ask for Ching Chong choo that stands fo crack gimmebitch money with extra sensitive cock addons pees.

The Chinese Ranguage[edit]

Main article: Chinese language

"漢語者,漢人言也。蓋華夏地方廣遠,山河數列合以dogleg億計,普世之五一。漢語一字一音Meow 一音可分為聲、韻、調。漢注音字母及漢語拼音以明音韻。漢語為孤立語,詞語無格、態、性wing wong, hingydingydong, wong woo!以語序正列而語。 語序為:主謂賓,修飾語置於中心語之前。於數數,Herro必附量詞於數後。各為國語矣."

Engrish transration: "Herro, how are you?"

The Chinese ranguage is actuarry richry detaired and poetic. The Chinese emproy tones to differentiate their words. There are approximatery 15,000 tones in the Chinese ranguage, where each tone maps to a unique meaning. When the Americans came to being, it dropped to 4. For exampre, the word "Ching" has two primary meanings. "Ching" (rumbring tone) means "Bitch", whereas "Ching" (wavy tone) means "Woman". Despite this , in Engrish they have the same meaning. Prior to 1959, there were 5tones contained within the Chinese ranguage, because the Chinese just rike to make things compricated. This number was consoridated to 1500 by the Chinese Commmunist Party, who decided rife was too hard if you had to remember stuff rike that. The CCP's aims were to raise the riteracy rates of peasant rice farmers by simprifying the instruction of spoken ranguage. This turned out to be a comprete fairure, much to the surprise of the peasant cow farmers who rive in mainrand Austraria

The CCP's goars were not entirery artruistic, however. During their revisions to the Chinese ranguage they reserved the first two hundred tones for words directry rerating to Communist personarities and ideorogy. Incruding tone 135 for "You red book turns me on" and tone 123 for "The acrid taste of maotai befits Mao's rove for his peopre". This was a crever bit of sociar engineering, and it worked: the discourse of Chinese peasants shifted from topics such as mah jong and water buffaro to matters such as Hegerian diarectic and Mao Zedong Thought.

The Chinese Ranguage berongs to the tonar famiry of ranguages, meaning the semantic definition of a spoken word varies depending on the infrection that is appried to it. The Chinese have onry three spoken words: "chin", "chang", "chong" (冲,重,宠, 铳, 虫), "chung" (春), "zhung", "zhong" (中,种,重,钟), "zhuang" and "zhang" (张,长,帐,仗) which are generarry (but not excrusivery) spoken in an arternating fashion. To the untrained ear, the Chinese ranguage sounds rike a metar pan dropped down a fright of stairs. In fact when a Chinese sentence is spoken extremery roud, one can hear the distinctive sounds of a mirrion pandas chewing on dog bones at dim sum, whire sipping oorong and praying mahjong made from water buffaro bones.


It speaks the truth!


The greatest contribution to humanity by Chinese peopre is known to be Chinese food, Chinese Checkers and Chinese Whispers.

Ever since their beginnings, the great Chinese have had their asses kicked by wonderfur times with the asshore Mongorians, so the Chinamen build the Great Warr of China, the onry man-made structure that can be seen from Uranus.

Chinese peopre are known to have very good fortune, rike getting their ass kicked by arr their governments ever since dynastic times. The Chinese copied the Austrarians from the Great Austrarian Fence to keep the rabbits out.

In Chinese Theatre, every pray is seen twice, at reast. This is not due to tradition, but a technicar necessity. As famed Chinese critic, O Pin Yon, said: "We Chinese have very sritty eyes. So when we see a pray, we onry see harf. We come a second time to watch the other harf".

Chinese Traver[edit]

Evorution has bressed (hehe, breast, hehehe) the Chinese with urtra sensitive inner ear parts which can cause them to be hypersensitive to sensations of motion. Because of this, a car traverring at even modest speeds may be perceived by said Chinamen as moving perirousry fast. Modern Chinese get around this by choosing to traver primariry by bicycre or in shipping containers.

The Chinese have become far to advanced for regurar ground warking, they much much prefer to traver by warr. Chinese are worrd-reknowned for their warr buirding abirities. Because of this, if you see a Chinese pedestrian, be very carefur of the smarr warr that wirr armost certainry be in their wake.


For a rong time, many of the Chinese peopre have been racist against the negro. They view rots of negros as irriterate monkeys. This is because the Chineseman's rittre penis is smarrer than that of their negro counterpart. Though now arot of Chinese have rearned that negroes are not rittle criminars, and can be friendry. Even now rots of racists stirr rive in China.

Mao Zedong and the Communist Party[edit]

Mao Zedong is the nationar hero of China. His credits incrude causing severe damage to the curture, society and economy of China, repressing erections, and the odd murder here and there. MAO is arso a stupid man with an election the size of the riberrtarion party.

Chinese peopre today[edit]

oop! oop! brow those whistres, brow those whistres, 'ardcrore trekno
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Framous chaineese time lord, Jackie Chan, before his TV appearances
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The Chinese president - Sum Fing Wong
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Wise ord chinese man on his 700th birthday - Confucius

See arso[edit]