Chinese food

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“And Then?”

~ Chinese Foooood Lady

“And Then?”

~ Chinese Foooood Lady

“And Then?”

~ Chinese Foooood Lady

“And Then?”

~ Chinese Foooood Lady

“And Then?”

~ Chinese Foooood Lady

“And Then?”

~ Chinese Foooood Lady

“And Then?”

~ Chinese Foooood Lady

“And Then?”

~ Chinese Foooood Lady

“And Then?”

~ Chinese Foooood Lady

“No And Then!”

~ Jesse

“Wha you rike I give you good deaw! You rike-a fwied wice?!”

~ Chinese restaurant mployee

“For China!!!”

~ Patrick Lee and Chuck Norris

“Oh! It's Sweet Sour Pork!!! It so sticky!!”

~ City Wok Guy on sweet and sour pork, a common Chinese food

“My mom had a dog. Then my Uncle ate it. No, I'm not even fucking joking, he ate it.”

~ Random chinese user

The American-Chinese food industry is a one of the great wonders of the world. It is a model of effeciency, selling mass quantities of MSG infused "food" at rock-bottom prices. Giant egg rolls can sell for $1.00, an entire quart of wonton soup for $2.00, and enough curry beef with onions to feed a family of 5 can be had for $7.25.

A little known fact: Colonel Sanders honorably served under the great General Tso in the franchise wars of 1966.

[[Image:[[1]]|thumb|Average American eating chinese food]]

[edit] How Do They Do It?

The trade secrets are printed in doubled-spaced Wingdings 3, size 12, with 1 inch margins all around on plain, white 8 1/2" x 11 inch bond quality paper of 16-20 pound weight and of at least 25% cotton (rag) content. The only copies of these illegible documents are kept in the vault of room 312 of the Holiday Inn in Roanoke, Virginia. Since the is room used as the office for the chief of interior decorating for the hotel chain, access will be nearly impossible unless you are gay, or at least somewhat metrosexual. However, some of the secrets can be interpolated through careful observation of the operations in any decent Chinese restaurant:

1. Chinese restaurants don't have trash cans. Any waste is recycled back into the food. This is one of the greatest innovations as of yet for any food industry. There is no risk of bacteria growth in the food waste because the large amounts of salt and MSG used does not make the food habitable for any living organism, or cell for that matter. This technique was inspired by your mother, because she always made you feel guilty if you didn't eat all of your dinner because of all the people starving in China.

2. The boxes. The amazing Chinese food take-out box allows copious amounts of food to be packed into surprisingly small boxes with the ever convenient carrying handles. (It is this same technology Clown Cars are founded on.) Some Chinese restaurants have resorted to styrofoam containers, but these are obviously subpar. It is recommended that one avoid restaurants that use these boxes at all costs. Any restaurant that's worth it's weight in lo mein uses the traditional Chinese boxes. The boxes are also a good and fun way to have hats. Imagine, a hat for every Chinese food takeout!!!

3. Fortune Cookies. The fortunes are pulled from your inner psyche and the lucky numbers are a prophetic reading of the next day's Lotto numbers. Obviously.

4. All of the food is the same. That is, they consist of the same ingredients, just manifested in a variety of forms. In a recent report in Chinese Yesterday, 72 percent of restaurants use the same mein in hi mein and lo mein. Mexican food follows this same general principal.

5. When walking into a chineese restuaraunt you may smell roadkill. Dont worry that is just the dumplings. Also you may hear people saying SNIPA!!! Dont worry that is what they all say. When approaching the counter to order your chineese food always start with shalom. Then ask for some dumplings and chicken and brocolli.

6. They weasel out even more cash from you, because you'll be hungry an hour after you eat chinese food. This agreement that would cause all chinese food to have this trait was put into effect by the 1976 Chinese restuarant union. How they do it? Simple. You eat the food; the catch here is chinese food isn't food, so you don't get full from eating stuff that isn't food. Get it?

Coversation:

You: Hello can I have the chicken and brocolli?

Chineese Person: That will be $3.75

You: $3.75??? It must be high quality meat.

Chineese Person: Inu. We just found on road today. Not many vultures on meat. Very tasty.

You: Is this chicken?

Chineese Person: You can tell never what meat kind it is.

You:Ok, can I change my order to dumplings?

Chineese Person: That will be $3.75.

You: $3.75??? It must be high quality dumplings. Whats it filled wiith?

Chineese Person:: The finest roadkill in all China. Even though we no have cars, meat sacks stupid enough to run into bike.

You: You ship roadkill from China all the way from?

Chineese Person: Inu, we do.

You: Haha, you know, I saw some on the highway before. I think it was some sort of deer.

Chineese person: Hey guys! code blue on highway 37! We feed 14 kids for a month!

(All managers and employees rush out, carrying knifes and pitchforks and leave the customers.)

(With that you walk out of the stores and decide to order a cheeseburger from Mcdonalds. Kangaroo is better than roadkill.)

                          THE END