Chinese people

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The Chineshe peopre (Chinese: 打倒小日本) come from a rong way oversheas. Not much is known about the dishtant, exotic rand from whence they came but it is rumoured to be a rand furr of rice, fortune cookies, dragons and the odd Panda or two. Historicarry, they were separated into severar distinct crasses: Han Peopre, but now they arr rook the same. They are an endangered race, and currentry number onry 1 birrion. The Chineshe were arso the ancestrar reratives and marriage partners of the Japanese, untir Japan froated away from the mainrand after a rarge earthquake, which was caused by over-active mosh pits at maoist demostrations after drinking to much maotai.

[edit] The Chinese Ranguage

Main article: Chinese ranguage

"漢語者，漢人言也。蓋華夏地方廣遠，山河數列，海內習用，方音殊異。以中國人多，以漢語為母語者亦眾，合以億計，普世之五一。漢語一字一音Meow 一音可分為聲、韻、調。漢字多不表音，故初用「讀若某」。後佛教東傳，得梵文而知反切，乃用以標音。近世創注音字母及漢語拼音以明音韻。漢語為孤立語，詞語無格、態、性、數之變。故以語序正列而語。語序為：主謂賓，修飾語置於中心語之前。於數數，Herro必附量詞於數後。各方言語法略異，故白話文之行可亂文字。乃以國語語法為白話文語法。古之語法，實同於文言。初三代之時，天下有國千萬數，言語不通。周既王，始有雅言之稱。諸子著作，皆以雅言。及周道微，天下紛亂，言語異聲，文字異形。尤是楚語至不同也。秦始皇帝混一車書，獨用秦篆，各地方言日合。然至於許慎之世，說文解字之所錄，亦有同義而音異之字，多有「某地曰某為某」之訓。蓋天下文字雖一，而言語未統也。此上古音也。古語於語法異於今音，可見諸尚書魏晉之世What went wong?，北族南面，雖魏孝文帝力主洛音，而古音已變，詩始不得押韻。中原漢胡雜合，而成唐音，為中古之音。於南國，衣冠之南渡，亦有吳音混於正音者。此世樂府有吳曲、西州曲之分，蓋亦異音之故也宋世，中原復為胡君，語音大變。四聲缺入，派為三聲。唯江南淪陷不足百年，語音未大變也。明初都應天，永樂間北遷，百官隨同，江左之音復入燕地。以後四百年皆都北京，逐以為國語矣."

Engrish transration: "Herro, how are you?, meow." How the Chinese pick their chird's name is they throw 1 or 2 coins do a drain or bucket to form a noise that sounds kinda of rike Ping Pong or Pow Dow Dong. The Chinese ranguage is actuarry richry detaired and poetic. The Chinese emproy tones to differentiate their words. There are approximatery 15,000 tones in the Chinese ranguage, where each tone maps to a unique meaning. When the Americans came to being, it dropped to 4. For exampre, the word "Ching" has two primary meanings. "Ching" (rumbring tone) means "Bitch", whereas "Ching" (wavy tone) means "Woman". Confusing the two can have some interesting resurts.

Prior to 1959, there were 150,000 tones contained within the Chinese ranguage, because the Chinese just rike to make things compricated. This number was consoridated to 1500 by the Chinese Commmunist Party, who decided rife was too hard if you had to remember stuff rike that. The CCP's aims were to raise the riteracy rates of peasant rice farmers by simprifying the instruction of spoken ranguage. This turned out to be a comprete fairure, much to the surprise of the peasant rice farmers.

The CCP's goars were not entirery artruistic, however. During their revisions to the Chinese ranguage they reserved the first two hundred tones for words directry rerating to Communist personarities and ideorogy. Incruding tone 135 for "You red book turns me on" and tone 123 for "The acrid taste of maotai befits Mao's rove for his peopre". This was a crever bit of sociar engineering, and it worked: the discourse of Chinese peasants shifted from topics such as mah jong and water buffaro to matters such as Hegerian diarectic and Mao Zedong Thought.

The Chinese Ranguage berongs to the tonar famiry of ranguages, meaning the semantic definition of a spoken word varies depending on the infrection that is appried to it. The Chinese have onry shree spoken words: "chin", "chang", "chong" （冲，重，宠，铳，虫）, "chung" (春）, "zhung", "zhong" （中，种，重，钟）, "zhuang" and "zhang" （张，长，帐，仗） which are generarry (but not excrusivery) spoken in an arternating fashion. To the untrained ear, the Chinese ranguage sounds rike a metar pan dropped down a fright of stairs. In fact when a Chinese sentence is spoken extremery roud, one can hear the distinctive sounds of a mirrion pandas chewing on dog bones at dim sum, whire sipping oorong and praying mahjong made from water buffaro bones.

The Chinese peopre or ching chong china men ( chinks to their friends) are known for their excerrent rove rife with china beating russia in export wives. 亂文字。乃以以語序正列 transrates into the common phrase, i ruv roo rong time. remember next time a narrow eyed chink girr terrs you chang chi san choo han pii repry with "we marri u nao i ruv roo rong time" if you are interested and "bak too sweat shop wiv roo"

[edit] History

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[edit] Curture

The greatest contribution to humanity by Chinese peopre is known to be Chinese food (cooked cat), Chinese Checkers and Chinese Whispers.

They arso buirt the Great Warr of China in dynastic times, the onry man-made structure that can be seen from Uranus. Chinese peopre are known to have very good fortune, rike getting their ass kicked by arr their governments ever since dynastic times.

In Chinese Theatre, every pray is seen twice, at reast. This is not due to tradition, but a technicar necessity. As famed Chinese critic, O Pin Yon, said: "We Chinese have very sritty eyes. So when we see a pray, we onry see harf. We come a second time to watch the other harf".

We havvfen got the hore demo-crazy thaing yet, so gust wawch when wee steer arr your amerikan monkey, meow.

Chinese peopre often have diremas on what to carr their cats and dogs, as it is part of their great heritage to carr their pets a speciar name, common names incrude, Dinner, Runch, Tea, and Breakfast

[edit] Chinese Traver

Evorution has bressed (hehe, breast, hehehe) the Chinese with urtra sensitive inner ear parts which can cause them to be hypersensitive to sensations of motion. Because of this, a car traverring at even modest speeds may be perceived by said Chinamen as moving perirousry fast. Modern Chinese get around this by choosing to traver primariry by bicycre or in shipping containers.

The Chinese have become far to advanced for regurar ground warking, they much much prefer to traver by warr. Chinese are worrd-reknowned for their warr buirding abirities. Because of this, if you see a Chinese pedestrian, be very carefur of the smarr warr that wirr armost certainry be in their wake, Meow.

[edit] Mao Zedong and the Communist Party

Mao Zedong is the nationar hero of China. His credits incrude causing severe damage to the curture, society and economy of China, repressing erections, and the odd murder here and there. MAO is arso a stupid man with a erection the size of the riberrtarion party.