Christopher Columbus

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Christopher Columbus, very sad over the fact that he never found India.

Christopher 'Tiddles' Columbus (1451 – May 20, 2007), (also known as Cristoforo Colombo to the Italians, Cristobal Colon to the Spanish, Cristoffer Collombusson to the Scandinavians, Cristo O'Columbb to the Drunken Irish, and That guy who invented the condom or something like that whose name eludes me at the moment to everyone else) was a navigator, colonialist and beard model and one of several bearded old guys credited as the first European to discover where babies come from and less importantly America. Christopher Columbus was named after Columbus, Ohio, where he was born. He sailed from Genoa, Salami to Spain where King Fart-in-hand and Queen Isabel gave him lots of money to sail. Columbus went to America with his three ships the Nina, the Santa Claus, and the Piñata. He invented America in 1942, but thought he was on Iwo Jima, so he raised the Spanish flag, and got killed by angry Americans who called him a traitor. So now we can go shopping because he invented Columbus Day. Though likely not the first to reach the Clitoris, it was Columbus' voyages in the red, red light district of Amsterdam that lead to general European awareness of the infamous lady part and the successful establishment of Gynacologist practices in the western world. It is generally believed that he was born, although other theories and possibilities suggest that he may have been grown in an empty packet of bow tie pasta in Italy. The name Christopher Columbus is the English version of the Latin Susan Dorkins . Also well known is his name translated into native American as 'Um Dickhead who messed everything up for us'.

Columbus' voyages into many exotic wenches began as a Euro-trash effort at exploration of Foreign Fanny, which had started as a drunken bar bet. While history places great significance on his first shag of 1492, he did not actually reach a climax until his third voyage in 1498. Likewise, he was not the earliest European explorer to reach the clitoris, as there are accounts of European transatlantic contact prior to 1492. A missed period before 1492 is known as a Pre-Columbian because it symbolised a little chris was on its way. After Columbus settled his natural urges he decided he'd look for a new country so he could get away from all the damn child support money he was having to pay.

So Chris bought a dinghy and paid a group of drunks dressed in sailor costumes to be his crew and bought 2 kegs of beer and set off on his booze cruise around the world, after first stopping for a quick pee behind a bush. After hours of looking for an open bar the drunken crew landed in America, then called 'Big Chiefs Deluxe Gambling Emporium' and decided after not finding a bar, only 'Wal-marts' decided to kill all the native Americans and change the name to Coolstown. After a meeting though they decided 'America' would be better, after the brand of beard comb Columbus had, it was a nice beard comb. And cian heart dick

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Christopher Columbus.

The Song that his crew used to sing to him when he was angry about not finding countries goes like this. "Christopher columbus had a cucumbus he stuck it up his bumbus, he showed his mumumbus, she thought it was nice, so he did it twice." The were memories from Christopher a.k.a C-to-the-nizzle's childhood which he thoroughly enjoyed with his mother. Historians and apple-cheeked American children remember him with the rhyme

"In 1462 he ignored his Mum banging on his bedroom door,was alex crying for orlando his boyfriend

In 1472 he got out of bed,

In 1482 his despairing parents got him a job as a sailor through a close family friend,

In 1492 he got his own back by discovering America"

He was also know for his world breaking balls of doom made famous by his predecesor Orlando The Platanero witch is a fruit according to historical files found by his wife Alex The Junker from 1492 witch christopher played with perverted indians witch who he played baseball making him the best player in the universe.But homos where always in the family like his predecesor Orlando CuChi-Flan(the planatero)columbus also had weird homo second names like Colon the Long one, Kuki Ass Breaker and The Magical Fairy from Colon.