Chuck Berry

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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Chuck Berry.

“When I was a little bitchy girl...”

~ Tamia on her "dingaling"



*


Chuck Berry (1850-2022) is the most famous pianist ever. His Father Johny B. Goode, always told him he was a little piece of shit because he should play guitar like him.

Early life[edit]

He was born before television so he had to invent something to do, he invented the guitar piano and played like a bell, because of that the piano guitar was completely destroyed. Then he invented the "super awsome kickass piano guitar" (it was the same but he changed the color).

Chuck and his super awsome kickass piano guitar

He considered music as a career when his mother told him that he would be the leader of a big old band, and people would come from miles and miles to see him play. Chuck saw the opportunity of making his dream of being Macbeth in Macbeth true, so he didn't hesitate to pick up his piano guitar, carry it in a gunny sack and, the next morning he went to New York and began his not-famous Eastern-European tour. (p.s. HES AN ALIEN

Pedephilia[edit]

Chuck Berry had a daughter named Marie who used to go around whoring herself for autographs in Memphis, Tenessee. By the time she had her sweet sixteen Chuck Berry had forgotten she was his daughter and urinated on her whilst yelling "BLOW THAT WHISTLE!" It is not known what happened to "Sweet Marie" who began her sexual deviance when she was just six years old but it is rumored that she spawned an evil being known as "Beeritonny Spiers" or some such variation of that name.

Meanwhile[edit]

Meanwhile he met Marty McFly, killed him and stole his music, little is know about that. Except he is not as good as his father, Johnny B. Goode.

Also Meanwhile he started a tour among every country of the world, visiting illinois (or illinuA if you are french) twice with his cousin Marvin Berry. A DVD was released called Jurassic Park: The Beginnings.

In his latter Meanwhile he visited Chuck Norris for stealing his name, no one knows what happened but some people say Chuck Berry changed his name to Jonh Bautista Goose

Also Berry was involved in a famous mystery case. The song "Roll Over Beethoven" was originally "Roll in there Beethoven." Chuck Berry wrote this song as history of his murder of Beethoven. Beethoven was sitting in a wheelchair when Chuck Berry pushed him into the river. Beethoven's last words, as cited in "Roll Over Beethoven," were "tell Tchaikovsky the news." AC/DC and the Grateful Dead opened for Chuck Berry at the formal presentation of the news to the Russian composer (Tchaikovsky), as stated in the AC/DC song "Let There Be Rock." THen Tchaikovsky said, "Let there be rock." Then Chuck Berry smacked Tchaikovsky in the face and said there already was rock. In the middle of the skirmish that followed, Bob Weir of the Grateful Dead escaped and held down on Beethoven's head just to be sure he drowned. Weir later documented this in their song "Sugar Magnolia" with the words "Held Beethoven down in the river. So he couldn't come up soon for air." This was rejected by their record label. So Weir had to settle with "Saw my baby down by the river. Knew she'd have to come up soon for air." Then Judas Priest wrote the almost totally unrelated song "You've Got Another Thing Coming."

After life[edit]

in the afterlife he became the god of rock for the Hindu (because for the Catholics is Jimi Hendrix If you want his magical advise you will have to lick your elbow, the lick your forehead and lick your toungue.

Achievements[edit]

  • Helped Tamia start a music career.
  • He sunk the Titanic.
  • Won WWII (World Wrestling, Indiana, IL).
  • Created the Duck Walk™.
  • Sketched some Ducks.
  • Founded Uncyclopedia. (He really did!)
  • Was an honorary McHammer.
  • Rang a bell.
  • Shot Jimbo Wales.
  • Won a Grammy for singing about his "Ding-a-Ling".
  • Unlike your dad, Berry could not play the guitar like he was ringing the bell. It took harsh tutaledge and several flaggings before he got the hang of it.
  • Never urinated on a female, nor did the thought ever cross his mind.
  • Invention of the third Ding-a-Ling.
  • Hijacked Santa.
  • Indecently assaulted Axl Rose during the Chinese Democracy controversy.