Chuck Norris/Beard
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- For information on Chuck Norris' other body parts, see Chuck Norris (disambiguation).
Chuck Norris has decided not to kill you. You shall live to see another day. Then he'll see…
“It's not so much an extension of his face as Chuck is an extension of his beard.”
~ Jane Goodall on Chuck Norris' Beard
“Chuck Norris' beard is pretty cool.”
~ Captain Obvious on Chuck Norris' beard
Chuck Norris has a beard, which, for a time, was the most populous city of the Sirronic Empire:
[edit] The Beard and Chuck
- As one might imagine, Norris's shaving routine involves copious amount of lava.
- In early 2009, Chuck Norris traveled back in time to stop the assassination of John F. Kennedy. Norris met all three of Lee Harvey Oswald's bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
- Scientists used to believe that the world's hardest substance was diamond. But then they met Chuck Norris and gradually became convinced that the hardest substance was in fact — wait for it, wait for it — Chuch Norris's beard. Ba-dum ch!
- Razors don't shave Chuck Norris' beard; Chuck Norris' beard shaves razors.
- Against belifs of the media, under Chuck Norris's beard is not a fist or a chin it is indeed Bruce Campbell waiting for Chuck to enter a room with out a book shelf so he can attack.
- Chuck Norris's beard is so powerful that some actually classify it as a measuremnet of energy (exerts 3 Kilobeards)
- Chuck's beard played a part in The truth about you.
- If Chuck shaves his beard he gains 9000 KiloBeards times more power. Edit: This was proven wrong, however, because Bruce Lee would not stand a chance if Chuck Norris had his beard
- Chuck Norris and his beard have a symbiotic relationship chuck protects the beard and the beard hides the third fist
[edit] The History of The Fist-Chin Of Norris
Many have heard of the chin fist of chuck norris. Some have seen it, and upon seeing it eithr blacked out, or died from the impact of chin-fist to face. However, few people know where the fist actually came from, and many assume he was born with it, however there is actually a slightly more (and unnecessary) tale behind the chin-fist of doom. It all many moons ago, in 1973 california, when a Jay Leno ilook alike implanted his seed into the belly of a middle aged crack whore. During her pregnancy the woman kept up with her extreme crack addiction, sometimes choping it up with marijuana, and then boiling it in PCP. So, when the child was born she had what looked to be a rather mishapen chin, and a disturbingly misshapen face which was bigger than her arms. Upon closer examination it was found that the child actually had a third fist. She was named Renee Arenholtz (real name replaced with psudoname), whom upon the age of ten, could flip a car with the chin-fist. She quickly ran away and wreaked havock on California, stalking either gay, or unwilling men, eating fetuses, and singing "(You're) Having my Baby", by Paul Anka. After eight years of phear, and chaos upon california Chuck decided to step in, seeing as how only he should be the thing that the country had to fear. So he saught her out in her lair...Los angeles. Chuck challenged Renee to a battle of strength. However Renee tricked norris into an not an armwrestling contest, but a chin-arm wrestling contest, For she thaught "surely a chin that can flip a car can beat chuck norris! They went for hours, the fists swaying from side to side...sweat beading from Renee, and molten Jesus beading off of Chuck's skin. But after the hours of battle The Norris won, and said "now your arm is mine!". Having said that, chucks beard wh'iped out like spidermans web, and instantly amputated her third arm, and sewed it into his own chin, where it sits, or beats people in the face, to this day. What became of renee was this. The loss of her mystic chin rendered her back to child form, and she was given up for adoption. l8ter on she would become an emo skank who cries and cuts herself to sleep due the the devistating defeat delt upon her by chuck. Although some beleive the real reason for this is because each night as she sleeps the fist reaches through a warp hold in time/space and punches her in the face, which is where the actual cuttings on her arm might come from...or shes just, ya know, masacistic.
