Church of t
“Hey, another building with a T on it”
“I hate that stupid t!”
“What the hell do you want me to say?”
The Church of t is one of the most prominent Churches known to man and tree. The Church of t started Around the same time as Christianity,and was just as holy. The story of t was created when Jesus died on the cross and was taken to the tomb where he was ressurected and what not. The Church of t members beleive he was acutally taken from where he was and put in the ground so everyone could think it was a miracle. However,a large cross remained in the center of the town after the crusifiction. The townspeople were going to throw it away when the cross spoke. KILL ME AND I WILL RAPE YOUR SOUL,the giant cross said in caps lock. The people backed away,and some people left the cross because they did not want to get talked to by a piece of wood. The rest stayed to hear what the cross had to say. The cross told them of a magical letter that made a 't' sound. Everyone whispered the letter. Everyone loved the letter sooo much, they made the letter t look like the cross. Everyone was exited with the cross and named him Tesus,or t for short.The t stands even today, and still tells his story.
Words of t
"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of t is eternal life in Tesus, our Lord." (Homies, 6:23)
"I pity da fool!" (Mr.T,4:40)
"That religion is total bullshit!" (Tom Cruise,5:60)
The church of t has faced many critisms from the Catholic Church because of several of the unholy practices that the church practisizes in. When asked to reply to the recent critisms of their behavior,the church of the replied that "Catholic bastards are whiney dicks that get a big fat stinky period every time they see something that is not fundamental or the same as the rest of the cookie cutter religions out there that hate us."The reporter was going to ask another question when he was eradicated with mind bullets. Scientologist ghost L Ron Hubbard says that the church of the t took his idea,and tried to sue them for 800,000,000 mcdollars.He failed,however,because right now he is fucking wormfood.
Birth of a son
In 1953,Tesus impregnated a beer can that gave birht to Mr.T,the holy messiah of the Church of t. However,Perfect Mega Jesus saw Mr.T and Tesus and got soo pissed,he made Mr.T wear heavy jewelry chains forever.Mr.T got pissed at jesus and threw a boloney samich at him. Jesus turned back into his imperfect mega form and then back into Baby Jesus.He started crying when mr.T change his diaper with a vengance and told him he was about to get the shit kicked outta him in 2 seconds.The baby went home crying and his dad God made a call to the Tesus house to get an explanation.When tesus tried to explain that his son was being a little shit, god went over to kick Tesus's ass.God forgot that Tesus was a blackman and beat the shit out of God.God ran home crying to tell his daddy,so hyper-mega-fucking-super-mint-condition-perfect-giant-big-gargantuan-CAPSLOCK-God went over to the Tesus house.Tesus opened the door and kicked hyper-mega-fucking-super-mint-condition-perfect-giant-big-gargantuan-CAPSLOCK-God right in the balls.He hit the ground with a thud,and hyper-mega-fucking-super-mint-condition-perfect-giant-big-gargantuan-CAPSLOCK-God was so big,he had to be carried away on an Aidecar train.DON'T FUCK AROUND WITH TESUS.