Chyna

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Chyna Warrior Princess
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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Chyna.

“You may have been fired from the WWE, but least you still have your balls”

~ Howard Stern on interviewing Chyna

“Don't treat me like a woman, don't treat me like a man, just treat me like any other transsexual you have ever known”

Joeseph "Xena Warrior Princes Chyna Doll" Laurer was born sometime during the medieval roman empire years to be raised as the first ever princess to fight at the side of Hercules. She was also the 9th ever transvestite in history. It took a lot of balls for Laurer to go into battle under her alias, Xena Warrior Transvestite, sporting a skimpy little 2 piece leather bikini that played havoc on her testicles. But this was what gave her strength and motivation to kill bad guys, and be done by supper time to get home and slip into a nice warm Hercules. After the wars where over, she moved onto a porno career with the World Wrestling Federation (WWF) under the name Chyna, before being fired for not putting the toilet seat back down when she was done. She since has changed her name to Chyna Doll for reasons unknown other then all those years of punishment on her testicles in such tight leather underwear, has made her brain go cookoo.

Xena Warrior Transvestite Laurer was born as a test tube baby to a wanker named Carlotta. She was conceived and mutated in a warthogs bladder, and was urinated into the world to fight along side Hercules who Zues had promised a fighter of both male and female gender parts, but could not get Carrot Top to sign on for the gig. Chyna was made for Hercules for his sweet 16th, and loved his ass kicking side kick and pleasure doll, Xena. Xena and Hercules would blow there competition together, and fuck over the forces of evil until the war of ancient times was over. Hercules and Xena married a short time later, but would divorce in the near future, as Xena just made annoying sounds while he was pumping her from behind, and he wanted someone who could actually climax, and soon left her for Richard Simmons.

Professional Wrestling[edit]

After her divorce, there was not much work for a woman like Xena, and her only option was to go to the WWF, or become a Gladiator. Unfortunately Rome already had a princess gladiator named Russel Crowe, so she went into training to become a professional wrestler.

Chyna, The 9th Transvestite of the world[edit]

Chyna angry about her g-string giving her testicles a wedgie

Chyna met his new future ex-wife Nipple-H at a gay club in San Fransisco. The two would decide that Nipple-H, back then known as Horny Huge-Nosed Helmsley, would need a body guard to protect his ass from potential ass bangers who wanted to know if it was true that people with huge noses also had tight fillings. Chyna was brought in on the next WWF In Your Ass taping, along with Nipple-H's other boyfriend, HBGay. The trio would cause havoc amongst the WWF with Shawn and Preparation-H doing all the in ring stuff, while Chyna would be outside trying to grip there opponents balls if they came too close to the ropes.

Eventually the trio would become known as De-Sexed. It was unknown why the trio got vasectomies at the time, but Chyna revealed in 1998 that is was because "it was the latest rage". D-Sexed would go onto become one of the biggest factions in wrestling history. At Wrestlefakie 14, Shawn would injure his g-spot, needing surgery, and it would side line him for several years to recover. Soon Nipple-H and Chyna didn't have the distraction of Shawn in there way, and they where able to find true love with each other, and get married.

Also after Shawns departure, D-Sexed would form a group with 3 new members, The Road Bog Jessie Jane, Fag-Ass Billy Bum & seX-Pac. This seemed like an insuperable group of lovers, but it would be Chynas secret off screen affair with seX-Pac a few years later, that lead to Chyna and Nipple-H's divorce. Nipple-H suspected this relationship early on, and he left the De-Sexed clan to pursue the quest for the title on his own, but soon enough Chyna was back by his side, as when Nipple-H was forced to kiss Vince McMahons ass for a raise, his ass just was not as hairy as Chynas, and begged her to come back.

However a few months later, Chyna was revealed to still be seeing seX-Pac, and Nipple-H left her for a better tyranny named Stepfanny McMan. Chyna then went into singles competition reluctantly, she was forced to join the WWF womens division, but wanted to be taking on men, as she felt she was not comfortable in a heterosexual environment. Chyna would go on to become the first ever transvestite to hold the womans championship belt since Crispon Glover won it in 1987. Chyna was then given the opportunity to go up against men, and was allowed entry to the 1997 Royal Fumble. She was eliminated in 3 minutes when she was kicked in the balls by Stone Cold Temple Pilot, Steve Austin, this resulted in Chyna eliminating herself by count out as she left the ring to attend to her aching nut sack.


First Ever Transvestite Light Nut Champion[edit]

Chyna found herself with an opportunity to make history and become the first ever tranny to win the Intercuntamental Championship belt when she took on Double-J Jeff Faggot in an iron balling match. Jeff posed no threat to Chyna as her balls where much bigger then the tiny balls of Jeff. Chyna would win the match with ease and make history. She soon lost the title to John Cena who became the second transvestite in history to win the title.

Love Affairs[edit]

Mark Henry was a man who confessed he loved dick, and would stalk Chyna around the locker rooms bringing her steroid covered candy and protein juices made from squeezing the sweat out of his own pubic hair. At first Chyna was reluctant, but she gave into temptation and was soon dating her new sexual chocolate sweaty lover. The two would be seen on screen in many gay encounters, until Mark was revealed to have been cheating on Chyna, when Mae Young announced on Raw Is A Bore that she was carrying Marks handy work. Chyna dumped Mark that evening by low blowing him in the family jewels so hard they shot out through his nose.

Now that Chyna was single again, it wasnt long before Eddie "Always Ready For Heady" Guerrero was sniffing out Chyna's sweaty ball sack. Eddie would bring Chyna flowers on stage, and beg her to be his mamacita, telling Chyna she needed some "Latino Heat". Chyna would be repulsed by Eddie and want to kick his ass, as she did a few nights on Raw, but would succumb to Eddies charm when he offered to let her keep the happy meal toy if she would just go on a date with him. Chyna and Eddie became lovers and would go onto to be one of the best fag teams of all time. Unfortunately the two would separate when Eddie fell in love with Mark Henry.

Why She Was Fired From The WWE?[edit]

Many speculations have been asked to the reason why at the peak of his career would all of a sudden be fired from the WWE. Despite what people may have been saying, it was the result of Chyna not putting the toilet seat back down when she was finished using the ladies toilets. Chyna had been warned of this on several occasions between 1997 and 2003, but her attitude was now out of control, and the fame of her growing popularity was making her so arrogant she didn't believe she needed to put the toilet seat back down. Head of the WWE Vince McMahon had received far too many complaints from the WWF Divas about the matter. It went too far on the 8nd of March, 2003 when WWE Diva Goldust issued a written complaint that not only had Chyna left the toilet seat up, but also had left a floater. This kind of behavior was not tolerated in the WWE, and Chyna was dismissed from the company.

One Night In Chyna[edit]

Her lover of the week, Sean Wankman, also known as "seX-Pac", "Mouth Full of Dyxx" & "The 1-2-Maybe 3 Testicles Kid" made a sex tape that they released on Titan Sports Home Video (a Disney owned production) entitled "One Night In Chyna". The video is 80 minutes long, contains mostly footage of seX-Pac filming his own dick, and Chyna boring the fuck out of audiences with her annoying ain't-able-to-climax moans & pants. The video also show cases Chynas incredible 12 and a half inch penis, but fails to make any good use of it.

Music Career[edit]

Where Is She Now[edit]

No one cares.