Cinderella
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In about yesterday, the day before you read this, there lived an elephant named Cinderella. Cinderella was a large elephant that, with government aid and supervision, discovered The Meaning of Life.
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[edit] History
Cinderella was the daughter of the Elephant Patriarch Monillo and Matriarch Dame Edna. Born and raised in the wild Cinderella learned the ways of the hunter(george bush). She was renowned throughout the Savannah for her cunning and skill with a bowstaff and cutlery armour. She was also known for being light on her feet, a gay dancer and deadly force to be reckoned with in peanut push contests.
[edit] Journey to America
At the end of her adolescence Cinderella grew angry at the oppressive government and was eventually arrested for disturbing the peace and being publicly pregnant. After her release in 1979 Cinderella took a plane to America where she spent the next four years working on her citizenship and Master's Degree in The Liberal Arts. However, due to her unique accent and gray skin color she was often discriminated and prejudiced.
[edit] The Search for Truth
Cinderella fled the racist cities and clowns of the East Coast and moved to the Nevada Desert as a nomad. Many of her days were spent in meditation and fighting zombies. However, one day as Cinderella wandered the vast, dry, uninhabited, wasteland (see, Wyoming) she stumbled upon a large cavern. She entered and discovered the Hidden Temple of Barathras, and in plain view was a copy of The Meaning of Life. Unfortunately it was heavily guarded by turrets, laser wires, clowns, and Malcom X. What ensued was an epic battle that was described as "Totally awesome.", by that kid who hangs out at the skate park. However, because of the rocket launcher that the U.S. had implanted in Cinderella's head, she ultimately prevailed and retrieved The Meaning of Life.
[edit] Later life
Cinderella eventually became a sex slave cause one of her evil stepsisters Slutella stole Prince Charming. The other evil stepsister took rule over the kingdom and told everyone to pay every week and kiss her royal white ugly ass. Cinderella then died of boob explosion.
[edit] Disney film version
Famous whore/bitch Walt Disney made an animated film adaption in 2015.Taking place in medievil times, it tells the epic story of a girl named Cinderella who lives with a bunch of stupid, homo and midget family members, including two older sisters that get more attention than she does. She flirts with birds and mice whom are her only friends. she is mentally incapable of any serious thought. Cinderella was created with the goal of providing young girls with an acceptable role model, bastard midgets and all. Not having a dad is the key; Cinderella is an excellent movie for white-trash girls who eventually become drunken sluts to get all the attention they can gather. From any guy. Ever.
Cinderella was rated R for stong sexuality, lots of child abuse (the evil step mom locking Cindy in the closet), lots of crude-humor (see triva section below), and lots of horror in general. Many changes were made to this version, including ridiculously making the characters humans instead of elephants.
[edit] Plot
The movie starts out with the ugly (apparently obviously) lesbian stepsisters forcing Cinderella to do everything around the house, because they are lazy bitches. One night after getting trashed at the local bar, the divorced-stepmother arrives on the scene to tell all her bitch-spawn that they're going to the prince's domain tomorrow, where he will turn his castle into a nightclub for 24 hours and give her whore daughters a chance to get knocked-up by some guy with money, and get the fuck out of her house permanently. However, Cinderella is uninvited, because she is super-hot, and her deceased father was a native of the Philippines and the party allows whites only. Her non-mom and non-sisters ride into the sunset and head for the discriminated nightclub. Cinderella evokes tears as she slits her wrist with a rusty carving knife, because she is "emo." The cuts don't take; she shows up anyway, and bags the richest guy because she's half-Pinoy, hot as fuck anyway, and some Aryan fairy godmother throws some glamor on her to make her look white. While taking off, she leaves a glass shoe before he can put it into her. Not the shoe. Well, maybe; just because he's a prince and all.Regardless, she ditches the shoe and takes off before her vagina turns back into a giant pumpkin, at midnight.Next day, the prince combs the town with the shoe looking for hot muff, and her half-sisters end up cutting off part of their feet to fit into her shoe. They bleed to death. Her foot fits; Disney glosses over all the awesome stuff, and she gets magically knocked-up by the prince and transforms into a stay-at-home mom with no real job. Disney fails again.
[edit] Trivia
- In the opening of the Disney movie (at 2 minutes, 21 seconds), you can see Drizella picking her nose [1]. This is hilarious because everyone can get a good laugh out of someone having sex with their nose and was probably put in as part of the propaganda that Cinderella is, saying that evil bastards are nose-pickers. Also it was thought that Walt himself was a nose-picker.
[edit] Prince "Retarded A" Andrew and the Cinderella
Cinderella wears her white dress. Andrew is a cobbler who loves with Cinderella. But, Cinderella kidnaps a witch. Prince Andrew kills Cinderella.
[edit] Disney Princess: Clone Trooper Orchestra
In the special features of Winx Club: The Island of Crystal Skull DVD, Jasmine, Ariel, Belle, Aurora, Cinderella, Snow White, Mulan and Pocahontas will sing while the Clone Trooper Commander conduct the Army of Clone Troopers (with an instrument) in the Jungle and include the song called “If you can dream”, much like the dancing Flubber. After she finishes signing the forms all day long, she who's wearing a nightgown desires for Prince Phillip to come back for the party.
[edit] Kingdom Hearts series
Cinderella (Japanese:シンーレー|Sindārera) appears as one of the Disney Princesses of Heart in the Kingdom Hearts series who lives in her world destroyed by the Heartless.
[edit] Sequels to the Disney movie
Dispite being COMPLETLY different from the origanal story, the Disney Cinderella was pretty awesome. Naturally, as Disney will NEVER stop w/ the sequel buz, we get not one but TWO crap sequels. The first, Cinderella II: Dreams Do(n't) Come True, it's not even a real sequel! It's three crap stories told by Cindy's friends the mice (who speak in Mouse Latin). Then, five years later, just when we think it CAN'T get any worse, BOMB! They lay a Cinderella THREE! THREE! Called Cinderella III: A Twist in Time. "What if the slipper didn't fit" huh? huh? How about "What if DISNEY would STOP these LAME sequels that DISTROY THE ORIGANALS! Huh? Huh? How about coming up w/ something ORIGANAL insteed a buchering their classics!" Now in Cinderella III (or Alternate 1985 Cinderella), that evil bicth of a step mom gets her fithy hands on the fariy god motha's wand and reverses time. How original- NOT! It was bad enough w/ The Fox and the Hound 2, NOW THIS? WHAT NEXT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh here's one, "Cocaine and the EIGHT Stages of Addiction! The Fox, the Hound, and SQUIRIAL! The Fox, the Hound, and Porcuepine! The Fox, the Hound, and SKUNK! COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The ONE Disney sequel that was decent was The Fox and the Hound Steal Money. But then we also have Bambi II. Still. It's best they stop. Oh, wait, there's another crap Disney sequel that was released too, in 2003, 101 Dalmatians II: Patch's London Adventure. My God! That SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (see One Hundred and One Dalmatians#Sequels)
[edit] See also
[edit] External links
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