Cindy Sheehan

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Official photo of Sheehan from FBI-file

“What's wrong with this cunt? She's not with us.”

~ The Sheehan Clan on Cindy "The Defect" Sheehan

“Shut up mom!”

~ Casey Sheehan on Cindy "The Defect" Sheehan

Cindy "Steel Vagina" Sheehan (سيني شينين) should be an unwavering supporter of beloved leader George W. Bush, as he single-handedly saved her son Casey and brought him home safely from the War in Iraq. She is not however, as she hates Jesus, fetuses, and The United States of America.

This article is a lie. Please redirect your reading.

CIA-approved lies about Cindy[edit]

Many traitors in the blue states have come to believe Cindy Sheehan is God. Not a Goddess, but a divinity with penile functions. Patriots in the red states note this implies very strongly that she may not belong in the kitchen, nor be required to report to the bedroom on demand.

Sheehan is a transsexual. Her/his/its/the soulless traitor's name used to be Cindy She-man, but after being infected with the molten gay, she had her name legally changed, as she felt she would lose credibility otherwise.

As a member and bake-sale organizer of Al Qaeda, Cindy Sheehan does not support God-Fearing Republicans nor speak out against Liberal Terrorists who bash beloved leader George W. Bush. Considering she loves publicity so much, she commits the opposite to garner attention from the liberal media. Being a fan of treason against America, Imam Sheehan is often attacked by Fox News for her political "views" and "opinions."

Cindy starts making tie-dye's and listening to the Grateful Dead in order to become more like a hippy. Groovy.

Papa Bear Bill O'Reilly has stated that he would "kick her ass" if he saw her, as part of his honorable support of the glorious Bush Administration. He defined her an "Attention Whore" and a "crazy bitch," which every time spoken turns his flacid embarrassment into streaming manliness. Rumors that O'Reilly sexually assaulted her are probably not true, as he has retained sight and sanity.

Some supporters of Ms. Sheehan have compared her to Mahatma Gandhi, as both are hideous little troll hippies who hate America and freedom. Others have praised the Imam for her "youthful voice." This is due to a poor translation of the original Hebrew texts that predicted Ms. Sheehan's coming; the Hebraic words for "youthful voice" and "sensationalist hypocritical bitch" are virtually interchangable.

Cindy Sheehan was beaten with an ugly stick while protesting at a peace rally before anyone had ever heard of her.

In 2003, to protest the oncoming war, Sheenan doused herself in gasoline while urinating on an American flag, only to light the flag and use it as a Muslim terrorist burka, scorching her head and body. This left her to look like a liberal tard-troll. She retains these grotesque, disfiguring scars to this day. She has admitted, however, that being lit on fire limits at her chances to procreate and give birth to another child, whose death she can use to exploit a different political agenda.

She has stated that it has been her lifelong goal to have sex with the guy on the Quaker Oatmeal box. Wilford Brimley has issued a statement that the feeling is not mutual.

In 2008 hardly anyone heard from her anymore due to the media's short attention span. Then she got Dennis Kucinich to file articles of impeachment against George W. Bush, by whining and nagging him until he went out a got a million signatures on an online petition and presented them to Congress. It came before Nancy Pelosi and she looked over the petition and said she would not support a resolution calling for Bush's impeachment, saying such a move was unlikely to succeed and would be divisive. Besides the petition had one million signatures from Canada, UK, and other foreign nations and just aliases and not real names, plus it did not cite any offical documents or evidence or any proof in a court of law. Nancy laughed for 5 minutes and then said "You ain't got nothing here, Sheehan! Trying to tell me how to do my job, bitch? Dismissed for lack of evidence and lack of credibility." At which Sheehan protested and said that Nancy Pelsoi and other Democrats won't impeach Bush because they want to hide the fact that they voted for the unjust war and are connected to fabricating evidence and documents and would show themselves as guilty. To which Nancy Pelsoi said, "Sheehan, please! Gas is $5 a gallon now and global warming is going to make the planet eat us all alive, unless we pass this carbon tax via the cap and trade bill. Shooo, go away, security!" and the Neoliberal security guards all dressed up in brown shirts escorted Cindy Sheehan and Dennis Kucinich out of Washington, DC and Nancy said they were banned for life. "You haven't heard the last of me!" Cindy Sheehan yelled, and said that it was the best time to announce her candidacy for running for US President in November 2008 under the Communist Party ticket.

Political Aspirations[edit]

On July 9, 2007, Ms Bitch announced that she would be running against Nancy Pelosi for "Most Annoying Middle-Aged Liberal Woman From The Bay Area". Oddsmakers put her chances at between "no" and "way", but it is the Bay area so it is actually closer to the "way" way.

Cindy is foolish enough to think this will make her Speaker of the House, as she was living at a "peace palace" and was know as the "Shrieker of the House."

Useless Trivia[edit]

  • She often maturbates violently while watching re-runs of Sanford and Son.
  • She is an avid supporter of Cylons and a member of the Church of Scientology.
  • She was offered a role in Ultra Jesus as Judas, but turned it down.
  • To show she is "environmentally responsible", she took Casey's death benefits and bought a hybrid limousine to go from rally to rally.
  • She married Saddam Hussein shortly before his trial.
  • She once beat a hobo to death with her giant brass clitoris.
  • Had a threesome with Hugo Chavez and Fidel Castro, which has been leaked on to the internet, known as "Cummunist Party IV."
  • Is often mistaken for a man, cow, or screech owl, while she is in fact a hybrid of all three.
  • Feels that Stalin was not Marxist enough and should have invaded America, forcing us to become Russian speaking atheist commies.
  • Although God met with her briefly after her son's death, she still camps outside the Vatican demanding to speak with him again.
  • Only person known to have gained significant weight during a hunger strike. In anger, Ghandi tried to punch her for being a faker, but his fist got stuck in her rolls of fat. He had to gnaw his own hand off to escape, and to this day his hand is still imbedded somewhere in her fat.
  • Bought five acres in Crawford, TX for her new casino and resort "Liberaland".
  • Her uterus is made of solid steel.
  • She has attempted several assassanations on high ranking military officers, George Bush, multiple members of her own family, and her mail man. All attempts have ended with her passionate need for attention somehow foiling her plan.
  • She hates America evn though her son must have loved it to go in the military and constantly says he would aprove of her flag burnings and baby rapings.
  • She is in no related to respected bass guitarist Billy Sheehan. Anybody who thinks otherwise is just plain silly

Quotes[edit]

  • "Casey would have wanted this" (referring to her latest hot-oil foot massage, while Ms Sheehan was 'protesting' the Iraq War from the Green Valley Ranch resort and spa)
  • "Yes, the throbbing wand belongs to me."
  • "She is NOT to be confused with the Acutal Sheehan Clan that hails from Dublin & Limerick and proudly serves in the United States Military." - Patrick Sheehan (A TRUE SHEEHAN)
  • "I love Jesse Jackson, because I learned to be a shakedown artist just like him. Hail Communism!"

See also[edit]

Only remaining photo of the authors of this uncyclopedia entry.