Citroën

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article very remotely related to Citroën.

“They have vibrating seats you know!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Robot cars

Citroën is a French company that makes transport gizmos called cars. For further reading see car. Until recently they've only made normal cars, but since parkour was invented they've taken the next step and invented a car that can transform into a robot and climb from building to building. They've thus surpassed other French car companies like Peugeot and Renault that are losing money in France due to the ever increasing usage of parkour as a transport system. Citroëns are usually driven by French people.

The two dots on top of the E represent balls (only a pose).

Types of Citroën Robot Cars[edit]

A Citroën; many commented on how impressive the car looked, only to later find the car only had two wheels and made sparks and unpleasant noises whilst driving.

C4 urban transformer (Jacques)[edit]

The first one was le C4 urban transformer, his primary functions were higher level movement, though he could only pull minor stunts like breaking down funky. However it had to constantly be maintained and stretched. And nobody likes to stretch, especially not the french.


“chek chek da kow, sibogniday wissow! er, ereee eh err, urr ee ee eh uh e uh...”

C4 Rover series production model[edit]

The second production series was the C4 rover series. They could do more advanced stunts like skate, jump, flip and even had basic AI to obey their master. They didn't quite make it on the market though, because their AI made them turn on a few owners and the factory was closed down. The remaining C4 Rovers are now in a warehourse along with the Concordes awaiting the time for their revenge upon the french nation...

Brahms model[edit]

The third production series was the first one that went in to mass production and the first that was largely accepted by the general populus. It had all the advantages of the Rover series, but had the more comfortable lines of the Urban transformer, not to mention beter CGI, and an anti-killingspree wirewall.

Future models[edit]

Exclusive capture of the Citroën 2CV, a car propelled by French magic sparkly power.

Future models will have even more acrobatic funtions, have better impact protection, anti-GTA locking mechanisms, will be able to kill people, fly and be solar powered. Car alarms will be replaced with plastic explosives, making sure nobody wants to fuck with your car, thus letting the C4 live up it's name.

Other cras[edit]

Are just normal cars, so who gives a shit.

Trivia[edit]

  • Citroën is actually a massive AI collective of car making machines. The so called founders of Citroën discovered these ancient devices and claimed them as their own to make money. Regardless, soon the AI painters from the Xsara hired Picasso to do paint touch-ups and ding repair.
  • It is a French company
  • Citroens can still drive if 1 wheel is removed.
  • Like other French cars, it can still drive if the rear end gets chopped off.
  • Technology based on the Rover model was used in the making of the new transformers movie
  • Your Citroën knows what you're doing. It is watching you...
  • If you sit in the back of a Jacques C4 upon transformation, you die
  • If you try to steal a C4, it will shock you with 14,000 volts of French electricity (worse than other euro electricity).
  • If you force an advantage on the road, the C4 will kill you (see above).
  • The C4 will kill you (see above, a couple times).

Other robot vehicles[edit]

See also[edit]

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