Gonorrhea Lectim

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“I had a lot of fun getting the clap. I didn't have fun getting rid of it.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Gonorrhea

“Its the fastest and most efficient way to turn your urethra into a flame thrower.”

~ Tommy Lee on Open Relationships

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease

This disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior. Clapping, also known as the "why is my shit fuzzy" disease, has been spreading since you last took a crap. Quazy Moto had clapping, and decided to use it for good; by crapping fuzzy shit onto bad guys from his clock tower. He later crapped from an airplane to create what we now know as Ukraine. The disease is called Gonorrhoea Lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him"). Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 4 years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this especially troublesome disease.

Cognitive symptoms of individuals infected with Gonorrhoea Lectim include, but are not limited to: Anti-social personality disorder traits; delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor; chronic mangling of the English language; extreme cognitive dissonance; inability to incorporate new information; pronounced xenophobia; inability to accept responsibility for actions; exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado; uncontrolled facial smirking; ignorance of geography and history; tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies; and a strong propensity for categorical, all-or nothing behaviour.