Cleveland, Ohio

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Part of the Urban Renewal program undertaken by the Cleveland government, this 10,000-megaton atomic bomb was dropped on Cleveland in 2004. No one noticed.

Cleveland is a piece of feces in Ohio (see Cleveland Browns), which is on the planet Cardigan. Its name stems from the Latin prefix Cle, meaning "why bother", added to the main root of Veland, meaning "very shitty sports team". Also known as purgatory, this is the least colorful city in the universe. Its population is unknown, as only part of it resides in our dimension. It has an annual per capita GDP of £1.32, giving it the second-worst economy in the solar system but still ranking ahead of the shit-based economy of Slovenia. Cleveland is famous for its clean streets, friendly people and beautiful factories. (Admit it, <insert name here>, you KNOW you live here.)

Amongst other official city slogans are "The mistake on the lake", "Around here, It's always next year" , "That city with the racist baseball team®" and "The Lamest Place on the Lamest Great Lake."

“Cleveland you seen Lois??”

~ Peter Griffin on Cleveland

History of Cleveland[edit]

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Cleveland.

Cleveland is considered by many scholars, to be the birth place of Jesus Christ.

One anecdote about Cleveland's younger years goes like this. When Cleveland was asked, "Does the dog have a Cleveland nature?" He replied, "Mu" which means nothingness. A similar koan has been ascribed to the Zen master Joshu, but he was full of shit.

Anyways, since Cleveland was immortal, he lived to see the white man come to the New World. Knowing this was a very bad thing, Cleveland called all of the great chiefs of the Organized New World Tribes LLC together and explained his plan. The great chiefs saw his wisdom and gathered all their people and technology together. At that time, Cleveland sacrificed a part of himself on the shores of Lake Erie, creating an interdimensional portal(thought to be the other end of the portal on newgrounds) that includes all of modern Cleveland though which centuries of fantastic Native American technology (including ray guns and that sorta shit) was able to pass through to the planet Cardigan, where the Organized New World Tribes, LLC formed a fantastic Honolulu George Bush, Alex Trebek, Ronald Varner, Simon Cowell, and Josef Stalin.

The Native Americans left behind in the wake of the portal were robbed of most of their previous knowledge, including that of the Mormon faith, and were easily run over by the white man. Cleveland himself had lost much of his power creating the portal, and is now simply a kind immortal who isn't that bright. He currently lives on an Indian Reservation and plays Peter's black friend on Family Guy.

Cleveland in Popular Culture[edit]

Here are two popular tourist videos made in scenic CLEVELAND!


Modern Cleveland[edit]

Rush hour in Cleveland

The portal that Cleveland opened in the town that is now his namesake transfers much needed energy to Cardigan by way of human chemistry. It's a complicated process, but the net result is the transfer of human pain on one side of the portal running power plants on the other. Whenever living in the area around Earth Cleveland begins to become bearable, one of the great chiefs on Cardigan will cross over and make the minimum necessary change to keep the power flowing back home. Of course, the great chiefs tend to keep the unhappiness at only the level they require to keep the lights on because they are wise and kind. Also because people might leave Earth Cleveland and then where the hell would they get power from?

In an effort to trick Earth humans into staying in Earth Cleveland, the chiefs of Cardigan have employed deception, illusion, and D List television star, Chris Angel Mindfreak. On occasion, they will ignite the very rivers and lakes surrounding Earth Cleveland, and then pay homeless people to run through the streets yelling “Oh man, if we try to move away from Cleveland, we’ll lik would learn that they are all the same size and appear in the same places every year. Unfortunately, anyone who might be canny enough to do this has already moved to nearby Akron. Over the years, Cleveland has been such an innately bad place to live that the great chiefs have only had to step in at irregular intervals. Some notable times when they have had to make Cleveland worse were:

1929: Cleveland Clinic Fire

1970: Cleveland gets a 1983: The Cuyahoga River is the least polluted natural anomaly in the world, It was said water from this river burns even the cleanest 1995: Art Modell moves the rowns to Baltimore, only marginally reducing the number of football games won per year in Cleveland. The team sucked anyways, but they were well loved. In 2000, the Ravens won the Super Bowl, causing many Clevelanders to commit suicide off of the rock and Roll Hall of Fame. However, many were saved by an undead Paul Brown.

1999: Cleveland is given back its beloved Browns and is fantastically relieved to find out they still suck really really bad.

2003: Cleveland's economy is saved by LeBron James. 2007: The Cleveland Cavaliers win the NBA Championship. Really? No. San Antonio beats them. And a Clevelandian says: Oh! What a pity pity ity ity.... I'm Flanders II, Flanders III... Ned Flanders is from Cleveland.

2009: Your Mom was on fire, causing the Cleveland Cavaliers to lose...again! They then trade for some old guy. 2010: Named "Most Miserable City" by Forbes Magazine. Considered an win by Cleveland standards. Also, 2010: LeBron James signs with New Yorkcity falls in Lake Erie. 2014: Cleveland welcomes the Gay Oympics and they are more flaming than the river that caught on fire.

For more frmation on things that have made Cleelandrs sad ad th causes f thes disasters, we all know the truth now, don' we?

Cleveland Gods (Browns)[edit]

been the NFL's best teams. such "Gods" as Bernie Kosar and Jim Brown


Cleveland Browns are considered the greatest team in football History.

See also[edit]