Clogs

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Clogs are Sexy

Clogs are the primary footwear in Holland as well as Hell. The origin of clogs is unsure and many historians believe that they were invented due to the cheap nature of the Dutch and their unwillingness to purchase real footwear so they fashioned their own from wood. Others believe that at one time all of civilisation wore clogs as they were the only shoes available and had also been invented by the Dutch. When the rest of the world found about the comfort and general utility of other footwear such as Nike and Adidas trainers, they refused to tell the Dutch in order to spite them.

All people in Holland, by law, are required to own at least one pair of clogs and depending on your position in society, the more flowery the pattern painted on them has to be. The Grand High Ruler of the Netherlands is so powerful in the Dutch community that he actually has clogs made of pure unadulterated 24 carat flowers.

Often clogs are used in place of ordinary household objects such as doorstops, ornamental paper weights, prams, cars and refrigerators. This dependency on the clog is due to its intrinsic property that it floats. This may seem completely useless when viewed in a normal country. However Holland is just waiting to be flooded so when the dam breaks, they won't (unfortunately) all be wiped out as the natural buoyancy of their shoes will allow them to mimic Jesus and walk on water.

Clogs are also related in some way to the vast propagation of windmills in Holland. The exact relationship between the two is as yet un-ascertained however there are several teams of research groups working on the problem, convinced that there is a link. This certainty derives from the fact that there are no other countries with either windmills or clogs.