Clown fire

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Every year, more and more of our nations Clowns are lost to Clown Fire. Please help us to stamp out this terrible loss of comedic life.

There are many meanings for "Clown Fire." Every year more and more clowns are set on fire and burned alive by those who hate them. Also people who simply like fire more than they like clowns burn them.

Friction Burns[edit]

Considered by many eminent scientists to be the result of a build up of static electro-magnetic energy, caused by the extra long rubber soles in clown shoes, as well as the repeat honking of rubber noses, Clown fires are different from normal fires in many ways and they are the reason for the existence of the moon. They might be the reason the universe exists as it does today too.

First, they burn in all the colors typically found in rainbows. Second, unlike normal fires, clown fires usually involve clowns. A clown fire can also be a fire set by a clown. Clowns who set fires are usually burned in a real clown fire later by an angry clown-burning mob of unknown origin. This mob of unknown origin falls from the sky and lands in a circle around the clown who started the fire. Then the mob usually consisting of somewhere between forty-two and a million people light an enormous clown fire to vanquish what they call "scourge of the earth."

A massive orgy then breaks out among the members of the mob and lasts for several years. At any given point in recorded history there have been at least six clown fires occurring at the same time.

Big Bang[edit]

Contrary to popular belief, the first "clown fire" took place before the Flying Spaghetti Monster (true creator of the universe) invented clowns. The first clown fire took place in a town that is goes by the name: "place where Jesus was born." Five seconds after the birth of Jesus, a mob of unknown origin surrounded and set fire to Jesus. Immediately after there was a massive orgy around the clown fire. This particular orgy lasted for about twenty years and five civilizations were destroyed by this orgy. The incident was later referred to as the first Christmas, Easter, Halloween, and St. Patrick’s Day.

Unforgetable Fire[edit]

Fire at Will[edit]

“Who is Will?”

~ Noel Coward on Shooting People

Today clown fires are somewhat rare. A lot of people even go so far as to suggest that they are a myth created by our government to keep us out of the woods. This however, is false. There is an overwhelming amount of observable evidence about clown fires. The most recent clown fire occurred on April 21st 2006 when an angry mob of unknown origin launched a massive offensive on a traveling circus. The death toll is estimated to be over 50,000 at this time only thirty-five of those happened to be clowns. The other 49,965 were according to one member of the mob "unavoidable casualties." According to all credible news sources: "Thirty-five fires of multiple colors appeared throughout the devastation." The always-ensuing orgy still continues to this day and because of this the state of Louisiana no longer exists.