Scary Clown

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“We have nothing to fear but fear itself... and clowns.”
~ FDR on Clowns
“I'm going to check on you tonight and if you don't have a reason why you don't like clowns i'm gonna kill your whole FUCKIN family.”
~ A clown on on someone who hates clowns
“ Clowns are like, you know, fuckin' clowns, you know, fuckin... (Groan, mutter and collapse) Shaaaaaaarrrrrrrroooooon... ”
~ Ozzy Osbourne on Clowns
“ In Soviet Russia you kill clowns....wait thats not possible...nevermind”
~ Russian Reversal on Clowns
“Oh, yeah, the clowns. We fight them too -- entire armies, spilling out of Volkswagens. We do our best to fight them off, but they keep sending 'em in!”
~ Major/Lt. Colonel John Sheppard on Clowns
“ It seems as if the clowns are not like you and I but a figment of a parallel universe just trying to find there way in this dimension.”
~ Sir Elton John on Clowns
“ Its metal to like clown”
~ Toki Wartooth on Clowns
“Stop staring at my fuckin' nose kid!”
~ Particular clown on kids staring
“I am disturbed by the lack of Oscar Wilde quotes about clowns on the Uncyclopedia article on clowns”
~ Oscar Wilde on the lack of Oscar Wilde quotes about clowns on the Uncyclopedia article on clowns
He will, if he doesn't kill you.
CAN'T SLEEP!!! CLOWNS WILL RAPE ME!!!!
Clowns love children. Love to kill them, that is.

Contents

[edit] Overview

It's OK kids, he's a professional.

Clowns are people that supposedly once made people laugh. However, they mostly just scare the shit out of little kids and get kicked out of birthday parties for quote - unquote "smelling like hookers and booze."

Clowns usually start off as nice people who genuinely want to entertain children, but quickly go insane from the standard issue "Jack In the Box" tune that is mandatory at all parties. The broken psyche that results from constant exposure to this song may include symptoms such as nausea, headache, and a thirst for human blood. Clowns are going to kill you...repeat over and over and you turn crazy..er

Clowns under the use of LSD may also do really freaky things. It always seems to provoke them even more to do nasty things. clowns are demons waiting to eat your soul while you sleep because they stalk you/ rape you and eat your penis.

[edit] Disclaimer

In the world, there are millions of people who are known to dress as clowns. The majority of these "clowns" are not funny at all, as their name might suggest, but are actually guilty of murder, molestation, cannabalism, disfiguration, poor juggling, and many more unspeakable crimes. It has been scientifically proven that clowns are truly the spawn of Satan. They are more than likely to grab your penis (or vagina, if you are of the female variety). Why on earth would you look up such hated, damned, despicable, demonic creatures? Seriously, what's wrong with you?!

Anyways, Uncyclopedia cannot be held responsible for the possibility of being frightened to death by reading the information contained within this article. Ninjas will not gain the requisite knowledge to become a Clinja from this page. Children may be sent into a screaming, incurable, epileptic fit by even glancing at it. We beg for mercy—PLEASE DON'T FILE ANY LAWSUITS! We are penniless. I'm gonna go into my bedroom and have sex with my socks because I am desperate and want to have spicy cotton candy any chance that I get. I really hope you don't have this experience. Seriously. DON'T DO IT!!

[edit] Clowns and Rape

User:Cajek Clowns are known to carry out clown rape especialy among young children. The experience combines the joys of "surprise sex" with the amusing fact that the victim is being raped by a clown.

There is one recorded event of which a child by the name of Abraham Choe was sexually harassed, and raped by a clown. He later told reporters, through choked-back tears, that "it took FOREVER to get that greasepaint off!" He did not elaborate on the areas which the greasepaint had besmirched, but seemed quite unnerved by the experience.

Some rumors say Abraham enjoyed it, while others say he was crying the whole time. But the truth is, the clown was Jessica Alba, and after she arrived at Abraham's house, there she took off the clown suit and began sexual intercourse with Abraham. What a lucky bastard. Although the experience was absolutely lovely, Poor little Abraham never recovered from the clown experience. He is now in a mental hospital somewhere near Las Vegas.

A good example is the little documentary that Stephen King "wrote". He takes the little kids in to the sewer and makes them scream in horror because he just has incredibly weird things going for him.

Another example is the Joker. Blowing up hospitals are generally not good criteria for entertaining little kids.

[edit] Actual information

Because everyone loves them...
Bouncywikilogo5.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Scary Clown.

A clown is the person with most power in a country. Often, clowns are called head of state or presidents, but these terms are somewhat old-fashioned. In the United States of America, the clown is elected by the public for an administration of 4 years.

Clowns typically have a lot of ballss to play with, and they get budgets of billions to spend on such toys, which include nuclear weapons, tanks, bomber planes, satellites, Barbie dolls,plastic surgery, and submarines. They have millions of toy soldiers that they often fight against those of other countries.

Contrary to a belief popular with delicate adults, children do not like clowns, but are frightened by them. Adults who like to dress up as clowns should not include their child in their perverted and annoying little pastime, as the child may then pursue a lifestyle as a politically incorrect and offensive "blackface" performer.

Clowning is considered by some to be an art form. That is WRONG.

There are many subspecies of Clowns, but the most dreaded and feared is the Mime.

The clowns were invented by Julius Caesar. Since then, Leonardo Da Vinci was a clown after finding Caesar's lost diary, and so he started clownology. He started a small clown school in Antarctica, which has remained there since. The largest clown school which opened to boys of all ages under 12 is Michael Jackson's School of Clownology.

Clowns are almost always high on PCP.clowns are also very skilled artisans they lure you in with there laghs and jokes....and then... they will sell you a mosaic in the most horrible way imaginable!

As discovered on episode 113 of Startrek the only viable method to incapacitate a clown is to present a logical paradox in which the clown's gums grow over its teeth and enters a state of septisemia or to boil it alive.--Bostown123 23:58, 6 July 2008 (UTC)

[edit] Clown Music

Punch this MOTHER FUCKER!!!
A typical Norwegian clown.

In the 60's and 70's, The Beatles and Simon and Garfunkel released albums relating to Clowns. Clowns for Sale, (which was around their famous Clown Mania days), and Clowns over troubled water. There have been other bands who have based their music on Clowns, such as The Insane Clown Posse and KISS, but no one cares.

Dave Davies, of British rock group The Kinks, recognised the evilness of clowns already in 1967, when his debut solo single "Death of a Clown" was released. The songs' lyrics encourages the listener to engage in consumage of alcoholic beverages as a celebration in the event of clowns deceasing. Little research has been done on whether this really is happening in a large scale today.

The members of all death metal bands are secretly clowns who escaped Nazi Germany during WW II. The lead clowns are the band members of Slipknot. Simon Wisenthal is not aware of this, so please do not tell him (which may be difficult anyway since Wisenthal is dead).

[edit] Persecution under the Nazis

As with other ethnic minorities, Clowns suffered terribly at the hands of the Nazis during the Second World War. Initially prohibited from wearing fancy coloured clothing in public, but as time went on, they were forced to wear bright red comedy noses. Later, they were eventually rounded up in large numbers and sent by train to concentration camps around Europe. It is estimated that nearly 95% of the population of Polish ethnic Clowns were executed by the Nazis between 1942 and 1945. Clowns were also experiamented on by Dr. Mengele, leading to the creation of the dreaded Laffin SS.
Laffin SS men were feared among the population of Europe for there ability to rape and molest children at a alarming speed.
In a study, 250 children were asked if they liked clowns or not, and all 250 of them said NO!!!

[edit] Trivia

Its a well known fact that every clown owns a chainsaw.
  • Clowns are low down in the evolutionary ladder. The next thing above them is George Bush
  • Clowns hide small childrens remains in there red noses for future digestion.
  • Clowns HATE tangellos because they mess up their equilibrium.
  • Clowns are allergic to shellfish.
  • Clowns are sometimes sexuality attracted to armadillos.
  • Clowns don't wear make-up. They were past smokers.
  • Clowns are serial murders or rapists in disguise. (Why do you think they hang around kids?)
  • Clowns are the natural predator of Alan Driscoll, lead singer of techno band thewomb.
  • Clowns will come and EAT YOU IN YOUR SLEEP if you're thinking about them as you fall asleep.
  • Clowns are the opposite of werewolves. Therefore, if a clown is bitten by a werewolf, they cease to be evil.
  • It's mental to like clowns. Clowns are the most statisticallys hated of all creatures.
  • Clowns are eaten by Kookaburras
  • Clowns have a high gravitational pull. Running from them is futile.
  • Clowns are repelled by Apple pie, which can reverse their gravatational pull
  • Clowns rape prostitutes, like Oprah, and are pimps for a living.
  • Clowns do not, I repeat: DO NOT, Live in the mystical land of Narnia
  • Clowns often are attacked by monkeys, often their heads are mistaken for ripe tangarines. often.

[edit] See also

Mrs. Clown cuts a piece of Kiddie Cake, made from the freshly harvested souls of children that her husband obtained at work

[edit] External links

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