Conceived in 1954 over an appetizer platter in New York's Carnegie Deli by four unemployed social engineers, Club Meds were modular breakthroughs in resort travel and accommodations. Although all Club Meds differ from each other in terms of local flair, custom and cuisine, their model remains essentially the same.
The second floor, deceitfully hidden atop the ground floor, rests an Olympic-sized swimming pool and accompanying lounge. It is customary on this floor for scantily-clad cabana boys and girls (or Gentils Organisateurs, in French) to walk past visiting American executives with the results of the latest stock market painted on beach-sized towels.
The third layer of a Club Med is a discotheque-style nightclub, except for resorts in northern regions of South America which have sacrificial altars, complete with a rotating stable of livestock and virgins.
Convention centers and meeting rooms comprise the fifth layer, and are retrofitted with ejector seats and tanning oil dispensers.
The sixth Club Med level, at long last, contains hotel rooms and ice buckets. These are standard hotel rooms, with the exception of the Fort Lauderdale Club Med, in which a misinterpreted practical joke by a draughtsman resulted in all hotel room doors being eight feet long and two feet high.
The seventh Club Med floor is the food preparation center, in which poultry, beef, fish, vegetables, Commodore 64s, single-engine Cessnas, belligerent Frenchmen and mononucleosis victims are turned into delectable entrees and desserts.
Finally, the top floor of a Club Med is yet another parking structure and heliport, with special "Final Exit" ledges thoughtfully provided for potentially suicidal victi-- customers (or Gentils Membres, in French) upon receipt of their final bill.
All Club Meds are held together by a toothpick with a colored, plastic frill wrapped around the top, and are served with a dill pickle side.