Club Med

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Club Med.


Conceived in 1954 over an appetizer platter in New York's Carnegie Deli by four unemployed social engineers, Club Meds were modular breakthroughs in resort travel and accommodations. Although all Club Meds differ from each other in terms of local flair, custom and cuisine, their model remains essentially the same.

The Model[edit]

1st Floor[edit]

The ground floor of a Club Med consists of a covered parking structure, hotel operations center, and military-trained bellboys with strict instructions to detain local peddlers of various wares.

2nd Floor[edit]

The second floor, deceitfully hidden atop the ground floor, rests an Olympic-sized swimming pool and accompanying lounge. It is customary on this floor for scantily-clad cabana boys and girls (or Gentils Organisateurs, in French) to walk past visiting American executives with the results of the latest stock market painted on beach-sized towels.

3rd Floor[edit]

The third layer of a Club Med is a discotheque-style nightclub, except for resorts in northern regions of South America which have sacrificial altars, complete with a rotating stable of livestock and virgins.

4th Floor[edit]

The fourth floor of a Club Med houses an additional covered parking structure, along with industrial trash receptacles, a tribal graveyard, and a Fotomat kiosk.

5th Floor[edit]

Convention centers and meeting rooms comprise the fifth layer, and are retrofitted with ejector seats and tanning oil dispensers.

6th Floor[edit]

The sixth Club Med level, at long last, contains hotel rooms and ice buckets. These are standard hotel rooms, with the exception of the Fort Lauderdale Club Med, in which a misinterpreted practical joke by a draughtsman resulted in all hotel room doors being eight feet long and two feet high.

7th Floor[edit]

The seventh Club Med floor is the food preparation center, in which poultry, beef, fish, vegetables, Commodore 64s, single-engine Cessnas, belligerent Frenchmen and mononucleosis victims are turned into delectable entrees and desserts.

8th Floor[edit]

Finally, the top floor of a Club Med is yet another parking structure and heliport, with special "Final Exit" ledges thoughtfully provided for potentially suicidal victi-- customers (or Gentils Membres, in French) upon receipt of their final bill.

Structural Note[edit]

All Club Meds are held together by a toothpick with a colored, plastic frill wrapped around the top, and are served with a dill pickle side.

See also[edit]