Cold War (video game)

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Video Game Wars

WMDSearchsm.jpg

In Development

War: ICOUnited States of America.png vs. ICOSoviet Union.png

The Beginning[edit]

**motherussia has joined the game**

motherussia: wtf

motherussia: i wanna play not wait

*FDR has joined the game*

motherussia: yo comrad3

motherussia: how u doin on #worldwar2 ?

FDR: fine thx

motherussia: how is DaFuhrer

FDR: fine thx

motherussia: W00T??!!!111

motherussia has left #coldwar*

*motherussia has joined #worldwar2*

*FDR has left the game (Ping timeout)*

*True m4n has entered the game*

*<skipped>*

*DaFuhrer has killed DaFuhrer!*

*<skipped>*

*motherussia has joined #coldwar*

*[email protected] takes over for player: motherussia*

*True m4n has joined #coldwar*

*Game commencing!*

...

[email protected]: lol i rox0r i pwn3d DaFuhrer

True m4n: no i did u n00b

Franc3: Ãĉţŭāļłŷ, İ đįď

UK: stfu franc3 u nearly lost

UK: im with true m4n

True m4n: OK good who else

Franc3: OK OK OK im avec toi

C4nuck: me too

Vikings_fan: me

boomerangman: me too but u gotts to sign an anzus treaty with me so if i get attacked u will help me

True m4n: you mean sav3 ur ass?

boomerangman: no dickhead just gimme free shiz and ill be happi

True m4n: whateva heres free tanks nd shit

boomerangman: yay now i can go pwn new zealand! jk jk

p4stry: me

[email protected]: stfu

UK: josef sux0r3d

[email protected]: i dont care bout u UK

*[email protected] captures Poland!*

*[email protected] captures Hungary!*

*[email protected] captures Czechoslovakia!*

*[email protected] captures Romania!*

*[email protected] has struck [email protected], 19 damage!*

[email protected]: :p

True m4n: alright punk

*True m4n has struck [email protected], 33 damage!*

*Franc3 has left the game (irc.europa.net irc.usa.com)*

*UK has left the game (irc.europa.net irc.usa.com)*

*[email protected] has left the game (irc.europa.net irc.usa.com)*

*K0RE4 has left the game (irc.asia.org irc.usa.com)*

Korean War[edit]

[email protected]: damn splits

[email protected]: k0re4 wont survive if rejoins

*[email protected] has joined the game*

*K0RE4 has joined the game*

*LMAO has entered the game*

*un_dove has joined the game*

*[email protected] has struck K0RE4!*

*45 damage to K0RE4!*

LMAO: good job [email protected]

*LMAO has struck KORE4!*

*[email protected] has struck K0RE4!*

*Critical Hit!*

*76 damage to K0RE4!*

*True m4n is no longer AFK*

True m4n: what did i miss

*irc.asia.org has joined the network*

*K0RE474324 has entered the game*

*K0RE474324 is now known as S_K0RE4*

*True m4n sends Humanitarian Aid to S_K0RE4*

True m4an: every1, NOW

un_dove: OK

*un_dove has struck KORE4, 85 damage!*

*S_K0RE4 has struck K0RE4, 77 damage!*

*K0RE4 is now known as N_K0RE4!*

LMAO: hey

*LMAO has struck S_K0RE4, 51 damage!*

*52 damage to LMAO!*

*<Full version available here>*

The German Question[edit]

[email protected]: ok not bad

[email protected]: but ur still l0s3r

*irc.europa.net has joined the network*

*[email protected] has joined the game*

*[email protected] is now known as DDR*

*[email protected] is now known as FRG*

*[email protected] has taken DDR!*

*True m4n has taken FRG!*

[email protected]: man im sick of these abbrwhatevers

True m4n: yup me 2

*[email protected] has left the game (Ping timeout)*

*True m4n has left the game (Connection reset by peer)*

*[email protected] controls transmitted to maizeman*

*True m4n controls transmitted to D-D-Day General*

Indochina[edit]

D-D-Day General: wtf happened 2 k0re4

*D-D-Day General takes Humanitarian Aid from S_K0RE4*

D-D-Day General: tahts better

D-D-Day General: now say i luv u 2 each other

D-D-Day General: i hope theres no other split

*\/137|\|A|\/| has left the game (irc.usa.com irc.indochina.com)*

D-D-Day General: as always ((

*\/137|\|A|\/| has joined the game*

*\/137|\|A|\/|64532 has joined the game*

*\/137|\|A|\/|64532 is now known as \/137CONG*

*\/137|\|A|\/| has struck \/137CONG, 3 damage!*

Franc3: WTF thats my land

*Franc3 has struck \/137CONG, 8 damage!*

*\/137CONG has struck \/137|\|A|\/|, 5 damage!*

*\/137CONG has struck Franc3, 188 damage!*

Franc3: this game sux

*Franc3 has left the game*

D-D-Day General: thats takin 4ever

*D-D-Day General has left the game (Connection reset by peer)*

*D-D-Day General controls transmitted to JFK3nny*

Cuban crisis[edit]

*Batista has joined the game*

*CastoR has joined the game*

*CastoR has struck Batista, 207 damage!*

*Batista has left the game*

JFK3nny: usa.com lags today :(

maizeman: no its you who lagged

maizeman: while general wasted time on v137s

JFK3nny: ur next sucka

maizeman: perfect

maizeman: now im not an aggressor

*maizeman sends Duke Nukem Caribbean to CastoR*

*CastoR is preparing to use Duke Nukem Caribbean on JFK3nny: 1%*

JFK3nny: hey how u stole it?

maizeman: what - it?

JFK3nny: nukes

maizeman: what nukes?

JFK3nny: *maizeman sends Duke Nukem Caribbean to CastoR*

maizeman: ah its a server bug

*U.S. scout uses Reveal Map on CastoR!*

*Items found in possession of CastoR:*

*42x Duke Nukem Caribbean*

JFK3nny: im afraid it isnt

maizeman: damn u imperialist pig

JFK3nny: I'LL KILL YOU

maizeman: NO! I'LL KILL YOU!

People of Earth: We are so fucked.

*maizeman has killed U.S. scout!*

*maizeman takes Duke Nukem Caribbean from CastoR*

CastoR: ((((

CastoR: didnt even ask me first

*CastoR has left the game*

Vietnam[edit]

*JFK3nny has been kicked by LeeH0ZZ*

*LeeH0ZZ has been kicked by RubySlippaz*

*maizeman has been kicked by Half-Dead ([email protected])*

*maizeman controls transmitted to Half-Dead*

*JFK3nny controls transmitted to Randomly Generated Name!*

\/137|\|A|\/|: help

Randomly Generated Name: ok whatever it takes

*Randomly Generated Name has struck \/137CONG, 2 damage!*

*\/137CONG has struck Y4nk33_d00dl, 245 damage!*

Y4nk33_d00dl: d00dz, giv peace t3h chance!

*Y4nk33_d00dl is now known as t3hPeaced00d.*

*Randomly Generated Name has left the game (Connection reset by peer)*

*Randomly Generated Name controls transmitted to trixter*

\/137|\|A|\/|: help

*trixter has struck \/137CONG!*

*trixter attack misfires!*

*67 damage to CamBodies!*

t3hPeaced00d: d00d taht iz imperialist sux0rz!

trixter: oops

trixter: wait im not a crook!!!1!!

*trixter has been kicked by n1x0r ([email protected])*

*trixter controls transmitted to FordMotors*

FordMotors: bodies deserved that

FordMotors: trixter 15 d4 c00l357

*FordMotors has taken Humanitarian Aid from \/137|\|A|\/|!*

*\/137CONG has killed \/137|\|A|\/|!*

Half-Dead: yeah trixter rox & j00 pwn3d

*FordMotors has left the game (Connection reset by peer)*

*FordMotors controls transmitted to Jimbo*

Half-Dead: so what now

Half-Dead: r u 2 goin 2 tease USSR?

Half-Dead: nobody likes the cute li'l USSR (

Jimbo: no i wont

Half-Dead: hooray

Half-Dead: now i can do peacemaking

boomerangman: h3y n00bz i waz in dis [email protected] 2 Y4nk33_d00dl k33pz stealin mie cr3diit

Afghanistan & Iran[edit]

*aFGHan has joined the game*

aFGHan: oh mighty half-dead

aFGHan: send some troops to help me maintain peace

Half-Dead: with pleasure

*Half-Dead has struck aFGHan!*

*Half-Dead has killed aFGHan!*

Half-Dead: oops wrong button

Jimbo: LMAO!!111||||

*persian_SHAH has entered the game*

persian_SHAH: yo Jimbo wazzup

*persian_SHAH has been kicked by aYaTULLah*

*persian_SHAH controls transmitted to aYaTULLah*

aYaTULLah: Jimbo is the [email protected] SATAN n a los3r!

Jimbo: WTF?!

*aYaTULLah has taken American diplomats hostage!*

Jimbo: u r not gonna get away with this

*Jimbo has struck aYaTULLah, 0 damage!*

Jimbo: *WTF* thats not fair

*aYaTULLah has struck Jimbo, 119 damage!*

*Re-election prevented!*

aYaTULLah: LO53R! LOL

*Jimbo has left the game (Connection reset by peer)*

*Jimbo controls transmitted to [email protected]*

Half-Dead: lol

Half-Dead: nice work peer

Half-Dead: so i can do whatever i want

Half-Dead: they wont have time 2 stop me

*Half-Dead has left the game (Ping timeout)*

*Half-Dead controls transmitted to Half-Dead2!*

*aFGHan has respawn*

[email protected]: yo aFGHan

[email protected]: take this and kill the soviet h0m0s

*[email protected] has given [email protected] to aFGHan!*

aFGHan: thanx infidel

*[email protected] has struck Half-Dead2!*

*12 damage to Half-Dead2!*

*Half-Dead2 has left the game (Ping timeout)*

*Half-Dead2 controls transmitted to Half-Dead3!*

*Half-Dead3 has left the game (Ping timeout)*

[email protected]: :D

[email protected]: and u wont have time 2 do NEthin, 3mp1r3 0f 3v1l

The End[edit]

You get to choose your regime in WWIII.

*Half-Dead3 controls transmitted to [email protected]!*

[email protected]: Who, me?

[email protected]: I'm not in a mood to play today.

[email protected]: Wouldn't you mind if I forfeit?

[email protected]: 90 0n 1053r

[email protected]: hey! what was i doing? i cant remember...

*[email protected] has left the game (Connection reset by peer)*

*[email protected] controls transmitted to DaFather*

*[email protected] has dropped poorman!*

*[email protected] has dropped hungryman!*

*[email protected] has dropped czarofslavonia!*

*[email protected] has dropped R0m4n14!*

*[email protected] has dropped aFGHan!*

*[email protected] has dropped DDR!*

*105 damage to da_Mauer!*

*FRG has killed DDR!*

*FRG is now known as [email protected]*

*[email protected] has killed USSR!*

*[email protected] controls transmitted to Half-Dead4!*

*DaFather has won the game!*

[email protected]: Whata fucka?

Half-Dead4: Shut up, idiot! You've lost!

[email protected]: Shit %(.....

Australia[edit]

boomerangman: G'day. Whad'dy miss?

[email protected]: STFU Kanagroos hunt3r

boomerangman: 'K

Ryugbyf4n#1: HaHA Oz is such Amerricans wh0r3

boomerangman: STFU yur our wh0r3

Ryugbyf4n#1: wasn't there some kinda war, bro?

*SERVER IS DOWN*

*NEXT GAME: Gulf War I*

*STARTING IN 10 SECONDS...*

Putin and the Journalists[edit]

*Half-Dead5 has entered the game*

*jurnlists has entered the closet*

*Tex3st1g3r has entered the game*

Half-Dead5: OMG WTF I THOUGHT IT WAS Gulf War I!?!

Tex3st1g3r: me too who was the n00b who sent us back to russia?

jurnlists: idk man

*jurnlists: publishes articles about russian conflict with Cetchnya*

Half-Dead5: OMG n00b wat r u doin?

jurnlists: STHU im bored and i have no penis.

Half-Dead5: o rlly?

*Half-Dead5 takes rights from jurnlists*

Half-Dead5: guess again n00b

jurnlists: OMG U GHAY H0M0 I GET U F3R THIS U N00B

Half-Dead5: whoah man chill there

jurnlists: O RLLY? YOU WONT BE DOIN THIS COMMIE CRP ONCE MY FRIEND LOG

Half-Dead5: hey n00b we r not coomunizt anymore u nubbity nub ask [email protected]

[email protected]: yeh we r not commie Half-Dead4 made us capitalist and kicked me!

Half-Dead4: dats right forehead

Tex3st1g3r: its like a gathering of old russians :0

[email protected]: yep yep yep u r smarter than i thought u were nub

Tex3st1g3r: WTF IS THIS OMG U R H4X U R DEAD U LEFT THE GAME EARLY GET OUT NOOB U DIDNT EVEN ENTEER THE GAME OMG WAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE GET OUT GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Half-Dead5: and i thought jurnlists needed to chill

[email protected]: ok i think i logged in too early im gettin out bye

*[email protected] has left the game*

*Half-Dead5 attacks jurnlists 38 damage*

jurnlists: ok ok no more publishing of articles degrading to russia!

Half-Dead5: thats a good n00b

Tex3st1g3r: hey guys can someone explain josef comin in here?

Half-Dead5: who?

Tex3st1g3r: nvm

* teh n00bs with t3h POWAH has entered the game*

jurnlists: SYCHE Half-Dead my friend just logged in! joo r so pwnd now

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH: Putin stop killing jurnlists!

Half-Dead5: umm how about no?

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH: suit urself n00b

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH: Tex3st1g3r the jurnlists r being killed!

Tex3st1g3r: Your right we must do some thing!

Half-Dead5(to himself): hmm teh n00bs is tougher than i thought but i have a trick up my sleeve

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH: Half-dead5 is killing good reporters!

Tex3st1g3r: ??? i thought u said he was suxx0r???

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH: Huh? i thought i said Hald-Dead5 was not good? OMG hes using censorship That SUX He must be pretty ownzer to do that.

Half-Dead5: see event teh n00bs think im good

Tex3st1g3r: hmmmmmm

Tex3st1g3r: i dont know what to think :(

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH: Sooooooo He'll censor everything i say as long as it makes people think Half-Dead5 is awsome I might be able to use this to my advantage

Tex3st1g3r: (>.<) I CANT DECIDE!!!!!!

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH: IM TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT SO SEXY IT HURTS LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Half-Dead5(too himself): Good thing i censored that hes beginning to sound stupid

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH: I ROXXOR AND EVERYTHING IS BEING CRNSORED IM SPEAKIN G IN CAPS YAY!!!!!1111 I LOVE THIS GAME AND I WILL OWNZER I WILL DESTROY LOLOLOLOLO ROFL ROFL ROFL OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!!!!

Half-Dead5(too himself): this guy is pissin me off

*Half-Dead5 attacks teh n00bs with t3h POWAH 12 damage!

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH:WTH?????

*Half-Dead5 Activates his buffs!

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH:they have buffs in this game?oh well what buffs can some old russian guy have?

*Half-Dead5 gains Patriotic Rage!

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH:not bad but he still cant defeat me

*Half-Dead5 casts debuff on teh n00bs with t3h POWAH!

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH:eh?

*teh n00bs with t3h POWAH lost world support!

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

*teh n00bs with t3h POWAH lost a hope in hell!

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH:I AM FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKED!!

*Half-Dead5 has left the game (server disconnect)

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH: phew

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH: hey im not being censored anymore!

*jurnlists has left the game (server disconnect)

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH: CRAP servers going down!

Tex3st1g3r: OWE NOE!!!!

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH: we are the only ones left!

*Tex3st1g3r has left the game (server disconnect)

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH:all alone...

*Server back online

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH: alone

[email protected]: not quite

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH:ur bakk!!!!

[email protected]: so it would seem

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH: can u help me out?

[email protected]: im afraid that is impossible

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH: explain?

[email protected]: you see this game is too important to allow you to jepordize it

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH: dude you are really starting to creep me out

[email protected]: the server wants to keep you here

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH:tell the server to fuck off

[email protected]:i would but that would mean my demise

[email protected]: i suggest you talk to the server

Admin 9000: I will not let you leave teh n00bs with t3h POWAH

[email protected]: the only way out is a final battle with the server

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH: i'll kick its butt

Admin 9000: very well so you stand a chance i shall release [email protected]

*Admin 9000 releases [email protected]

[email protected]: IM FREE

[email protected]: hey teh n00bs i can help out

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH:kk lets own him

Admin 9000:i believe you have underestimated me

*teh n00bs with t3h POWAH and [email protected] attack Admin 9000 30 damage!

*Admin 9000 creates Chuckie

*Chuckie attacks teh n00bs with t3h POWAH and [email protected] 50 damage!

[email protected]: this does NOT look good

teh n00bs with t3h POWAH:Wait i have an idea

*Everyone comes out of nowhere lightning fast and kicks Chuckie and his cowboy ass

*Chuckie has been destroyed*

*ErrorErrorErrorErrorErrorErrorErrorErrorErrorErrorErrorErrorError*

*Debugging:Chuckie takes ãé3ïç$&x damage and is killed - Stack Overflow*

*Finishing Unresponding Procedures, Unstability May Follow*

*[email protected] casts Socialism on Admin 9000 2,000,000,000,000 damage!

Admin 9000: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[email protected]: ha ha u got served commie style

*Admin 9000 has been destroyed

*[email protected] is now lord and master

*teh n00bs with t3h POWAH has left the game (self disconnect)

SPAMMessage:*Socialism is now the greatest thing ever!

*The game has ennnnnn-Error666*

*Server offline*

*Server back online*

*Server offline*

*Server back online*

*Server shuts down for maintenance*

*BackServer running Avast Antivirus, checking virus database...*

[email protected]: sheet im busted

*[email protected] has his name changed to his IP number *

*000.00.0.000:продаже и обмене любых! предметов, связанных с боевыми!!*

*Virus Database Out of Date, files missing or corrupted*

*Downloading and Updating AVG Antivirus*

*000.00.0.000:Только для чтения, все? вопросы по функционированию!!*

*000.00.0.000:любых с боевыми!любых с боевыми!!*

*Restarting firewall...Banning unauthorized users...Notifying internet database...*

*000.00.0.000:проооооосыыыыыыыыыыыыыыыыыы!!!!!!!!!!!*

Disaster[edit]

*SERVER BACK ONLINE*

*Virus Searching Done!* *FilesChecked:86.244.530.984* *MalwareFound:1.265* *MalwareCorrected:1.264* *MalwareQuarantined:1 (OPEN REPORT)(OPEN REPORT)* *Game secured.Continue?Yes/No*

*Contacting Players...Done*

*SERVER RUNNING*

*You-S has entered the game*

*DaTruChina has entered the game*

*Thai_Wank has entered the game*

*RV5514r3b0rn3 has entered the game*

*RV5514r3b0rn3 is replaced by DaTruChina as Communist Superpower*

*Narutoland has entered the game*

*yurop has replaced nations in the region of europe*

*w3rj3w5_s0waht has is no longer idle*

*D131nf1d31d0g5!! has entered the game*

*w3rj3w5_s0waht engages D131nf1d31d0g5!!*

*D131nf1d31d0g5!! engages w3rj3w5_s0waht*

*Event Triggered:Middle East Bloodshed*

You-S:shitty server

DaTruChina:dis servers 2 small f3r us 2, j00S!

You-S:yah coz u suk commie

DaTruChina:u suk, adn bak off ima busy

You-S:yeh get the goodies redy, almo5t xmas!!!111

DaTruChina:get the C4$H ready t00

You-S:dun talk bak bi0tch, i gotta nuk35!

DaTruChina:u dun talk bak, i got lotsa nuks t00!!

yurop:sheeeeeeee-it, wen we just made de game safe

You-S:Yo thai, hu r c0013r?me or ur ugly bro china?

Thaiwank:ya j00 r, but dun tell im hes gonna stomp me

DaTruChina:no fa1r ugly b4stard, j00 ken not talk to thaiwank, he doesnt exist

Thaiwank:i do!

DaTruChina:ur so ded betch

You-S:j00 r!DI333333333333!!!!

DaTruChina:ki111111111111111111111111111!!

D131nf1d31d0g5!!:f0r da JIHADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!

w3rj3w5_s0waht:fire evrything!FIR333333333333333333333333!!

Thaiwank:b3ing pwnzed!HEEEEEEEEEELPPPPP

yurop:fuck im t00 beautiful ta die!

Narutoland:NO!!! INUYASHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

*Game has ended.Next game:Matrix(BETA)*

*SERVER BACK ONLINE*

War in georgia[edit]

*You-S has entered the game*

*Medvedev has entered the game*

You-S: So d00d what we do now?

Medvedev: Idk putin left and [email protected] me russia

You-S: damn dis shits boring

*George has joined the game*

George: sup gaiz?

You-S: Hai

Medvedev: I thought I owned u?

George: nop! I is independent after teh soviets broke up. hey You-S ac I join [email protected]?

l1ttle br1ta1n maybe yeh can and maybe yeh can't *plays piccolo*

George I was askin You-S but can I join?

l1ttle br1ta1n: Yeeeesssss!

Medvedev FOCK NO YOU CANT JOIN!!!! YOUR A MEMBER OF TEH CIS BITCH!!!!

George: fuck you i can do what i want im free now.

*George sent troops to Abkhazia and South Ossetia*

Medvedev: Oh no you did NOT just do that!!!!

George: recognize, im free now.

Abkhazia: Help us Medvedev!!

South Ossetia YES! help us stop those georgian bitches!

Abkhazia: Don't you want to make George your bitch again?

Medvedev: Georgia its time for sum ass whoopin!!!

*Medvedev has struck George, 34 damage!*

George: OW what the fuck you cant do that!

You-S: yeah you cant do that!!! thats just...mean!

Medvedev: Shut the fuck UP!

*Medvedev has struck George, 45 damage*

George: Ow! stop it this is horrible! this is maddness!

Medvedev: Madness?

Medvedev: THIS IS RUSSIA!!!!

*Medvedev has struck George 78 damage CRITICAL HIT*

George: Whyyy!?!

Medvedev: You like that bitch!?!

You-S: STOP! you must sign this treaty and start a cease fire!

Medvedev: Sure ok.

*Medvedev has struck George, 45 damage!*

George: LEAVE ME ALONE LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

You-S: You asshole! we had a fuckin treaty!

Medvedev: i changed my mind.

George: PLEASE! make him stop!!

You-S: You leave me no choice but to...ask you to sign... another...treaty.

Medvedev: ha ha