Collegio Inferiore
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“Optimum meliori adversarium est”
~ Bario Draga Collegio
“Discipuli non inferiores; collegium autem est”
~ Bario Draga on Collegio
“We all have to be grateful to Uncyclopedia”
~ Jean François "Little Easter" on the inauguration of the academic year of Collegio Inferiore
“Interdisciplinar...? Has it anything to do with intercourse?”
~ Oscar Wilde on Interdisciplinarity
Collegio Inferiore is a centre of worstness, founded in 1792, during the Frog-Eating-Right revolution that occurred in Boulogne, by Fabio Roversi, a citizen of Monaco. At that time the Collegio belonged to the University of Boulogne (in fact that was just the ice-cream kiosk of the Bois), and its principal aim was to spend public money in useless stuff like "The CeSso Server", a computer lab equipped by 20 high cost low-performance computer, and Attardo-9000, a robo-computer that surveys the movement of the students. The Collegio was then ruled by Bario Draga, an alchemist-magician, renowned for his revolutionary theory in which he asserts that the Avogadro's Number is fractionary. His tyrannical rule was however terminated in May 2005 by the glorious Collegial-People revolutionary movement, whose forces were led to victory by the Carthaginian general Annibale. Thanks to his efforts, nowadays the Collegio Inferiore is a free nation, iron-fist governed by two Roman consuls and a military junta, undemocratically controlled by the dark forces of Mario Minaccia. However, Bario Draga and his lackeys still exist and formed an exil government recognized by San Marino Golinelli (a small self made state).
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[edit] Geography
The Residence of the Collegio Inferiore is well situated in one of the ugliest corners of Bologna. In its perfect post-communist style the place is intended to avoid every contact with urban and cultural life. In the residence the students are used to living in homosexual couples within nun-like cells equipped with all facilities (i.e.: kitchen and toilet). The interiors of the building are conceived to keep the students from social exchanges, chatting, and gathering in open spaces (that would support revolution). His ancient name "Galaxy" has been recently changed to "Residenza di Studi Superiori" after receiving threats by an unidentified alien corporation, which believed Galaxy to be the lair of an international lefties starcompany. The name has been changed also to avoid the copyright payment requested by the Star Trek development staff. The connection with the center is guaranteed by the bus 17 or 18, awarded in 2003 and 2004 of the first prize as the "slowest and never-on-time mean of transport in Europe".
[edit] History
“Collegio Delendum Est”
~ Cato the Elder on Collegio Inferiore
[edit] Fahrenheit 451
“That's no barbeque!”
~ anonymous bystander on Collegio Inferiore
On the night of December, 17th 2003, anno VI ab Collegio condito, while testing if inferiorness also affected chemical and physical properties of the "Inferiors", such as melting point and maximum speed, Bario Draga's secret chemicals for his evil study on Avogadro's Number took fire, thus wrecking the building.
“The alarm rang 'til early in the morning, the porter tried to warn everyone, and I am Brigitte Bardot.”
~ The War Administrator on Fahrenheit 451
[edit] Collegial-People revolutionary movement
Discontent started to grow over the absence of any emergency Warp Gate in the lowest part of the Galaxy, which could have helped to save people's asses after the super Nova explosion that triggered Fahrenheit 451.
The first open-faced confrontation between the students of Collegio and Bario Draga and his evil lackeys arose after the CeSSo-Server affair: the evil CeSSia, a UniBois contractor for cleaning services and catering, tried to convert CeSSo-server into a Lasagna oven, resulting in the destruction of all of students' vital files, in particular Real Tournament and Smurf Armageddon.
Full scale outrage exploded when the evil tyrant Dionysius of Halicarnassus (a.k.a. Papa Smurf) pushed Bario Draga to settle in Collegio Inferiore his legion of Latin to "Smurf_Language" translators. As Collegio Inferiore has always been renowed for being a No Smurf Area this was obviously a striking and unbearable offense.
“Quousque tandem, Draga, abutere patientia nostra?”
~ General Annibale on , Speech given in Aula Magna "Ciamician" leading the revolution
“Students in Collegio Inferiore study very hard. Bario Draga leads the Collegio as Auschwitz.”
~ Wonderful (Di)Rector of the University of Bologna PierUgo Shoemakers on , talking to professor Mortadella.
“Those students are just a bunch of time wasters...”
~ Lelè "True T" on students behaviour after the Revolution.
[edit] Inferior School of War
[edit] Notable lectures held at Collegio Inferiore
[edit] Paul LionHearted
“Sorry I'm late today”
~ Paul LionHearted on the first slide of his 2nd lesson
It is possible to speak for 24 hours of lesson without saying anything? Indeed it is: this formidable performance was worldwide obtained for the first time at Collegio Inferiore by Paul LionHearted in 2002, and then its technique became a standard in the UniBois, permitting the Inferiors to assist to unnumerable proofs that the act of speaking could be considered not only as a mean of communication, but it may also serve to give air to the teeth.
[edit] Jean Francois "Little Easter"
Jean Francois, a notable citizen of easter island, a liar of 9 meters tall communists stone statues, is mostly remembered for his witty mottos. Among them the famous "even a dwarf can see far away, given that he sits on the shoulder of a giant", referring implicitly to the mytical being Silvio, "wallet of God", Berlusca, believed to have ruled in a time long ago forgotten.
[edit] various quotes
“H20 sucks!”
~ anonymous student on water
“Are YOU joking or WHAT?”
~ Prof. Mortadella's answer to Draga's explanation on Interdisciplinarity
“I challenge you to make it with Word!”
~ Paul Ciancarine on life's ultimate meaning
“Hold on, hold on, hold on!”
~ M. Minaccia on A. Garner's war against Attardo-9000's room-switching subroutine
“Balls are for physicists what peas are for biologists”
~ Punkaldi Hotbreads on scientists' sexual attitudes
“Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink...”
~ anonymous student on waterfalls during the night of 3rd may 2007
[edit] The Collegio's Comrades Communist Party (CCCP)
The Collegio's Comrades Communist Party (aka CCCP) was an unwanted but outstanding outcome of the brilliant mind of Fronchi (former president of the Italian Republic, known for the "Fronchi rosa" post stamp), who, in september 2003, started to believe that the simple and neutral political system to elect the targets of Draga's fury was unadequate. He thought that a change was necessary and storically unavoidable, so he founded a secret political club named "The Friends of the Council of Participation", (FCP, later remembered as Fronchi Communist Party) with the declared objective of subverting the direct election of the Consuls by means of rewriting the Secret Constitution of the Collegio. In his mind the project was clear: a militarized Council-of-Participation, composed by 15 loyal Party members elected by the People, who were to be given the power of never-ending Chatter-On-Void, the power of Secret-Convocation and the right to push out of the button-room the old-style Draga-compromised Save O'Rally's men. To ensure satisfactory ballots results in the subsequent elections, Fronchi proposed an astonishing electoral system: a multimajoritarian system with 7 preferences and a voter form with the names of candidates mixed with their surnames. Here it is a copy of the original form:
Oscar Tero
M. Vacca
General Vader
Shoe Chi
Fron Annibale
Big Minaccia
Cam Ciamo
1 / 2 Cabalda
Darth Maker
Di Wilde
But every story must finish, and so was for Fronchi's FCP. A young Mario Minaccia, one of the member of the Party, planned to put an end to Fronchi's rule, and asked support to an inexperienced General Annibale and his most trustworthy ally, Bischero. Together they founded the CCCP internal current of FCP, whose objectives were to sabotate the reforms by changing in a Plenary-Assembly-Without-Any-Legal-Number the name of the newborn Council-of-Participation soviet, renaming it simply as Junta, so doing imposing a drastic turn to authoritarian politics (no participation, baby!). Also they managed secretly the elections to ensure the CCCP a strong majority in the Junta, and to set Bischero as the Unscientific Consul.
[edit] CCCP at present time
CCCP today is ruled by the evil [classified], who also is in charge of [denied for security reasons]. Anything useful about this subject could be found at [not avalaible] or you can ask to [classified].
[edit] A garnerian revolution!
During the fall of 2006, elections for renewal of the military Junta were held.
[edit] Attardo-9000: the friendly human-killer robo-computer
Attardo-9000 is part of Draga's retaliation project against the "Inferiors" after the glorious revolution. Attardo-9000 is programmed to perform a systematic disruption of students' e-mail folders, by spamming them with thousands of reminders of the most futile events. Attardo-9000 went on first line service after Dippi 1.0 was believed to be too close to students' positions, and removed from active duty.
The true story goes like this. During the year 2029, an organisation called InferiorNET, originally founded and still ruled by the tyrant Draga, is fighting against students' resistance, lead by CCCP. Just before being destroyed, InferiorNET tries to win the war using a surprising attack: InferiorNET has found a way to send some of its warriors, called the Attardos, back in time, thanks to the perfect knowledge developed researching Avogadro's Number.
Draga sends from the future his best warrior, the Attardo 9000, code "SGL" (acronym of "She-Goes-Slowly", codename originated from her incredible computing capabilities). The plan is simple: since in 2006 Dippi joins the CCCP, giving this side the complete control of the RSS and with so an enduring strategic advantage, Draga wants to replace her, back in the past, with his cyborg Attardo-9000.
With the trusted robot managing the building, Draga hopes to kick every single student out of the Collegio, step by step: the primary objective is to sub-let the entire 3rd floor to 40 Professors for a perennial conference on Latin classics. Attardo-9000's weapons are dumb but subtle: she pretends not to understand what you tell her, forgetting who you are, and she writes using strange grammar rules, preventing every form of communication.
In late 2006, the new alliance Draga-Peonardi-ACT has upgraded Attardo 9000 with an impressive pair of secateurs to prevent Collegio's student to use their velocipedes instead of ACT speedy buses.
With such an attitude, she can do whatever she wants. The future is doomed.
“You have three seconds to drop the keys of your room and leave for Erasmus, otherwise I'll open fire!”
~ Attardo-9000 on an anonymous student
“We don't need any Attardo-9000 robo-computer!”
~ Dippi 1.0 on Attardo-9000
“SEND-ME-EMAIL-PLEASE”
~ Attardo-9000 on everything, five thousand times a day
“WHO-ARE-YOU?”
~ Attardo-9000 on meeting every single student
“WHY-DON'T-YOU-ANSWER-MY-MAIL?!?”
~ Attardo-9000 on students being late in answering her spamming mails, shortly before opening fire
“ME-AND-GARNER-ARE-IN-SWEET-WAITING!!”
~ Attardo-9000 on her attitude to seduce important members of the Military Junta
