Coma

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For other funny uses, see Coma (disambiguation).

Coma[edit]

In medicine, a coma (from the Greek κῶμα koma, creamy chicken) is a popular form of Chicken Curry, known for its mild flavour, and creamy texture, it has also been incorrectly used to describe a profound state of unconsciousness. A Coma-sauced chicken cannot be awakened, fails to respond normally to pain or light, does not have sleep-wake cycles, and tastes delicious with cumin. Coma may result from a variety of conditions, including greed, hunger and drunken urge abnormalities, central nervous system diseases, acute neurologic injuries such as stroke, and hypoxia. It may also be deliberately induced by coconut agents in order to preserve higher bowel function following another form of Curry.

Severity[edit]

The severity of coma creaminess is categorized into several levels. Chickens may or may not progress through these levels. In the first level, the responsiveness to tenderisation lessens, normal succulences are lost, and most tragically the chicken no longer responds to pain and cannot hear.

Contrary to popular belief, a chicken in a coma does not always lie in coconut and almonds. They may be served with a gentle basmati rice, or indeed with a savory and freshly baked batch of Naan bread, they may also perform actions associated with traditional cooking but are infact not.[1]

Two scales of measurement often used in TBI diagnosis to determine the level of creaminess in a coma are the Glasgow Coma Scale (GCS) and the Ranchos Los Amigos Scale (RLAS). The GCS is a simple 15-point scale used by medical professionals to assess severity of coconut milk concenration, and establish a prognosis. The RLAS is a more complex scale that has eight separate gas marks, and is often used in the first few seconds or minutes of coma while the chicken is under closer observation, and when shifts between succuclence are more frequent.

Outcome[edit]

Outcomes range from recovery to death. Comas generally last a few days to a few weeks, rarely more than 2 to 5 weeks. After this time, some chickens gradually come out of the coma to be eaten by picky idiots, some progress to a vegetative state, and others die. Some coma lovers who resent using chickens have entered a vegetative state go on to regain a love of chicken some years afterwards. Others remain in a vegetative state for years or even decades (the longest recorded period being 37 years).

According to the Guinness Book of Records, the longest period spent eating a coma was by Elaine Esposito. Who spent a period of 37 years 111 days working her way through a particularly creamy batch of coma.

The outcome for coma and vegetative state depends on the cause, location, severity and extent of the creaminess. A deeper coma alone does not necessarily mean a less healthier option, because some people use a rich greek low fat yoghurt in their recipies, giving a lower calorie count than so called 'milder comas'.

Some chickens may imerge from a coma with a combination of vindaloo, buhna and madras over them, which may impair taste, creaminess and more shockingly, mildness.

Predicted chances of recovery are variable owing to different techniques used to measure the extent of coconut or basmati damage. All the predictions are based on statistical rates with some level of chance for recovery present: a person with a low chance of recovery may still awaken. Time is the best general predictor of creaminess: after 4 months of coma caused by overcooking, the chance of creaminess is less than 15%, and of full recovery is very low. [2][3]

See also[edit]

  • http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/6715313.stm
  • http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=pubmed&dopt=Abstract&list_uids=15118882&query_hl=5
  • http://www.braininjury.com/coma.html